433 | What's Underneath the Anger, Dad Daughter Dates, and Five Ways to Build a Bridge with Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield (Part 2)

Experiencing God's LoveFamily VisionMom Perspective
Written By Jeff Zaugg

Episode Description

I brought a real story to Dr. Michelle this week. A small mistake on my part, a hurt little girl, a defensive dad at bedtime, and my wife catching my eye across the room. What unfolded was a live coaching moment I needed more than I knew. Dr. Michelle gently walked me back through what I missed, what was actually under the anger, and how to do the repair that actually reaches a daughter's heart. If you have ever blown it with your kids and tried to talk your way out of it instead of leaning in, this conversation is for you.

  • Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield is a licensed counselor, speaker, and the host of The Dad Whisperer Podcast. She founded The Abba Project in 2010, a group coaching experience for dads of daughters, and has written two books for fathers: Dad, Here's What I Really Need from You and Let's Talk.

    • Anger is usually the front door. The real emotion sitting behind it is almost always sadness, fear, or confusion, and your kids feel that gap before you do.

    • When your child tells the story of how you hurt them, the most powerful thing you can say is three words. Tell me more. Then stay there longer than feels comfortable.

    • Defensiveness bombs the bridge to your kids' hearts and to their picture of God as Father. Compassion builds it.

    • Luke 15 verse 20 gives a five step pattern any dad can follow. He saw, he was filled with compassion, he ran, he threw his arms around, he kissed.

    • A consistent monthly daddy daughter date and a note in your own handwriting create anchors of memory your kids will carry into adulthood.

    • "You guys are wired with tender hearts. Tough and tender is a powerful combination as a man."

    • "Under mad is usually sad or scared or confused. Lead with your heart more than your head."

    • "Tell me more. That's how she gets it out, and then it's not there between you anymore."

    • "Defensiveness bombs the bridge. Compassion builds it. That's the work of fathering a daughter's heart."

    • "Anchors of memory in a place. Find one or two spots that become yours together with your daughter."

 

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Jeff Zaugg
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434 | Bob Goff on Becoming a Secret Superhero Dad & Hovering Over Your Family (FROM THE VAULT)
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432 | The Closeness Gap, the Five Senses Experiment, and Dropping Your Anger with Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield (Part 1)