449 | MULTIPLIERS Part 7: The Italian Angel, Small Yeses Multiplied by 100, and Why You Can't Control Your Kids (Ft. Danny Silk)

DADAWESOME BOOKExperiencing God's LoveLegacy & GrandparentingAdventure & Creating Memorable Moments
Written By Jeff Zaugg

Episode Description

Most of us move through our days on autopilot, heads down, running our own agenda. The struggling dad at church, the neighbor whose marriage is barely holding on, the single mom wrestling groceries into her car — we walk right past. In Part 7 of the Multipliers series, Jeff reads Chapter 29 of the DadAwesome book and shares an archive clip with Danny Silk about the isolation trap, why control is the wrong tool for fathering, and what a home that resembles heaven actually feels like.

  • Jeff Zaugg is the founder and host of DadAwesome, a podcast and movement helping fathers turn their hearts toward heaven and toward home. What began in 2018 as a ten week experiment with a handful of friends has grown into 400 plus interviews with dads, grandpas, pastors, and authors, plus live activation events that have gathered over a thousand men. He and his family spent more than two and a half years traveling the country in an RV. He's the author of the new book DADAWESOME.

    Danny Silk offers life-changing books, conferences, and other resources drawn from decades of experience as a counselor, social worker, advocate, pastor, spouse, parent, grandparent, and leader. He is the President and Co-Founder of Loving on Purpose, a ministry to families and communities worldwide.

    • God doesn't watch from the bleachers. He jumps into the mess with us, and He often chooses to answer desperate prayers through ordinary people who are willing to notice and respond.

    • You already have what someone needs. Our Italian angel offered three things any of us can give: time, trust, and troubleshooting. Not more resources — just a willingness to make available what's already in your hands.

    • Interruptions are often God appointments. When someone opens up about their pain, that's not small talk. It's a door opening.

    • Isolation is the enemy's trap for men. Alone, you become master and ruler of your own reality, and that's the fast track to deception. Multiplication requires brotherhood.

    • You cannot control your children — so learn to control yourself. When intimidation or the threat of punishment is the most-used tool in your toolbox, you've built a culture in your home that doesn't resemble heaven.

    • A small yes can get multiplied by 100. A bold prayer for $10,000 became more than $1 million raised for the fatherless across 30 events and over 1,000 men.

  • Jeff Zaugg (00:39)

    Welcome back to DadAwesome. Today, episode 449. This is part seven to our DadAwesome Multipliers Summer Series. So we are rounding out the series today. I am so thankful for you guys listening. And I want to hit you with just three quick invitations, three heads up this is going on. You can help us spread these resources to other dads. And here they are. Quick, the Dallas Spartan team. So Team DadAwesome, October 17th, is taking on the Spartan Obstacle Course Challenge. So if you know any dads in the Texas kind of Dallas area, or if you're like, no, I'll jump on a plane, I'll fly in and join you guys, we'd love to have you. So that's coming up. Registration deadline is here next week. So get guys signed up for the Dallas Team DadAwesome Spartan race.


    The second invitation is our next coaching cohort. As of the time of me recording, we have two spots left. So we've got eight guys locked in. We got two spots left. That kicks off on September 9th, and that's our next round. It's a Wednesday cohort. It'll be our 13th group of dads through the six-week sprint called the DadAwesome Accelerator. So apply, prayerfully apply now if you want to take one of those last two spots.


    And then the third invitation is small groups. It's fall season, the DadAwesome book. We have a three-page PDF. It's free. It's got short two-minute videos for each section, and it's got some best practices. We've got about 15 small groups that have already happened around the content this summer, but we're trying to roll that out and multiply it. So anyone interested in leading a small group, all you have to do is leave me a short voice message. Introduce yourself, tell me about your concept for a group, and I will be in touch. And man, cannot wait to help resource, encourage, and celebrate you as you step into leading a small group around the DadAwesome book.


    So those are your three invitations. We are again in part seven. We're focused on the theme of leadership. That's the last core discovery of the DadAwesome book, and our key framework here is leadership. Dads who lead. Let's dive into today's chapter. This is another chapter read from the DadAwesome book.


    CHAPTER 29 — THE ITALIAN ANGEL


    Jeff Zaugg (03:03)

    Chapter 29. The Italian Angel.


    Panic doesn't begin to describe what we felt. My wife and I were lost, out of gas, out of time, low on money, and completely overwhelmed as we attempted to return our rental car in downtown Florence, Italy. Phone plans were crazy expensive back in 2011. We had paper maps, but we'd somehow driven beyond where they covered. No GPS. No clue how to find our way back.


    We entered Florence with what seemed like plenty of margin to return the rental car on time. Three hours of driving in circles later, we were deeply lost and late for both the car return and our Airbnb check-in. Then I made it worse. At an unmanned gas station, I prepaid for way too much fuel. The pump spit out a printed credit for future gas purchases. No cash refund. I stood there holding a receipt for 50 euros of fuel I couldn't use.


    We were wrestling with the gas pump and our useless maps when a man on a sleek black motorcycle pulled up behind us. All black. Black bike, black gear, tinted visor covering his face. But when he greeted us in English and started filling his tank, his voice was warm. Desperate, I asked if he had any ideas about getting a refund for our overpayment. He explained the credit system, then without hesitation reached into his wallet and pulled out a fifty euro note and handed it to me. "I will use your credit," he said, like it was the most natural thing in the world.


    Before I could properly thank him, he asked where we were headed. I explained our mess. He studied our map, pointed out where we'd driven off the edge of it, and gave us clear directions back to where we needed to be. We thanked him over and over. As we pulled away from the pump, I glanced in the rearview mirror to wave goodbye. He was nowhere to be seen. The motorcycle and rider had completely disappeared.


    Fourteen years later, we still call him our Italian angel, the one God sent when we were desperate.


    God's heart for the desperate. The prophet Isaiah put words (05:28) to what I felt that day in Florence. "In all their distress he too was distressed, and the angel of his presence saved them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them; he lifted them up and carried them." Isaiah 63:9.


    God jumps into our mess with us. He's not watching from the bleachers. And here's the wild part. He often chooses to answer desperate prayers through ordinary people willing to see and respond.


    That gas station in Florence showed me what desperate moments feel like. That overwhelming relief when help shows up at exactly the right time. It also made me realize something uncomfortable. I've probably walked past a lot of people who are having their own version of that moment.


    Every day we walk past people having their own version of lost in Florence. They might not be tourists with empty gas tanks, but they're everywhere. The new dad drowning in sleepless nights, the recently divorced friend figuring out custody, the neighbor dealing with aging parents, the coworker whose teenager is struggling.


    Jesus made his mission clear. "I did not come to be served, but to serve and to give my life as a ransom for many." Mark 10:45. Notice that word many. Not just his immediate circle, not just the twelve disciples. Many. Jesus modeled a life focused outward, a life of serving, a life poured out for others beyond his inner circle. Being a dad means more than taking care of our own kids. We get to show others what God's rescue looks like.


    The leadership of seeing. That encounter in Florence changed how I notice people who need help. My Italian angel wasn't rushing to his next appointment or buried in his own agenda. He saw two stressed tourists and stepped up. It takes work to notice people beyond my immediate circle. My default setting is pretty self-focused.


    Jeff Zaugg (07:46)

    When we actually step up and help though, something amazing happens. God invites us into a natural maturing process. We all start life pretty self-focused. Then hopefully our parents guide us toward compassion and empathy. Marriage challenges us to look beyond ourself, but fatherhood catapults us forward in recognizing the need for others.


    Think of it like phases. Phase one, completely self-focused. I call that childish. Phase two, mostly self-focused, like a young adult. Phase three, a little less self-focused. Young married. Phase four, a shift toward others focused. You're a young dad. Phase five, a jump toward modeling others-focused leadership. I call that a wise dad.


    Phase five dads see opportunities to serve that other guys walk right past. The single mom struggling with groceries, the new dad who looks overwhelmed at church, the neighbor whose marriage seems strained, the coworker juggling elderly parents. We start noticing where our resources, experience, or just our presence could actually matter.


    And when we step up, something powerful happens. The person we serve gets exactly what they need in their desperate moment. Our families watch service happen in real time. They learn that strength is meant to serve others. Our own hearts experience the joy of being God's hands and feet, and God is honored as we reflect his rescuing heart.


    Danny Silk in episode 268 shared his perspective. True leadership flows from internal security. When we're grounded in who we are, we're free to notice and serve others without feeling threatened or depleted. My Italian angel had this down. He had his own agenda, his own schedule, his own concerns, but he was still available to serve strangers in crisis. What was probably a light sacrifice for him became the solution to our nightmare, and it was a powerful lesson for our family about living with eyes wide open.


    Jeff Zaugg (10:11)

    What you already have. Our Italian angel gave us three things that any of us can offer in desperate moments. Time. Five minutes transformed our entire situation. Trust. Fifty euros handed to complete strangers. Troubleshooting. Knowledge that unlocked our path forward. He had exactly what we needed. Time to stop, trust to invest in strangers, and troubleshooting knowledge from living there. He simply chose to make it available.


    We underestimate what we bring to the table. Life experiences from navigating challenges, skills developed through work and hobbies, networks of relationships that could help others, financial resources that feel normal to you but could be significant to someone else, time that could be redirected towards serving. You don't need more to make a big difference. You've already got what someone desperately needs. You just need to be willing to share it.


    Interruptions or appointments. I'm learning to see struggling people as potential God appointments instead of interruptions. It shows up in everyday conversations. Your neighbor mentions their infertility struggle. A coworker talks about the stress of caring for elderly parents. A friend shares that their marriage is in a tough spot. When people open up about their pain, that's not just small talk. It's a door opening.


    This spring, our family discovered we had extra amusement park passes that expired that day. We prayed about who to give them to, then met a family from Brazil at the ticket office, watching their skepticism turn to gratitude as we explained we'd prayed about who should receive them. That became a powerful moment for our daughters to experience the joy of unexpected generosity.


    Sometimes you help in the moment, but other times you walk with someone through a longer journey. The key is developing sensitivity to recognizing when God might be positioning you to be his answer to someone's prayer. When you encounter someone in their desperate moment, you have an opportunity to be part of God's answer to their prayer. I'm not saying we should try to rescue everyone. (12:32) Just stay open to those moments when what we have is exactly what someone needs.


    As fathers, we teach our children more through our responses to others' needs than through our lectures about compassion. When they see us notice the struggling family at church and offer practical help, when they watch us go out of our way to assist a neighbor, when they observe us treating people with kindness during stressful moments, these experiences shape their understanding of love in action.


    The 100x miracle. Seven years ago, I saw this play out on a bigger scale. The idea dropped in my heart during a worship service. DadAwesome was about a year old at that point. Small groups, daily texts, the weekly podcast, but I felt a strong pull to activate men, to rally them around a mission at the center of God's heart.


    The vision was simple. Get guys moving toward a mission that matters. So we hosted our first activation event, bike 100 miles together as a team. Our goal felt ambitious. Raise $10,000 for ministries serving fatherless children. I started inviting friends. 27 dads said yes that first year. I had two daughters at the time, and they jumped in by setting up their lemonade and sparkling water stand to raise money too. We trained hard, we biked those hundred miles, and together we raised $17,000 for organizations directly serving the fatherless.


    We celebrated what felt like a huge victory and figured we were done. But then something amazing happened. Men wanted to do it again and bring their friends. The second year, 65 men said yes, and we raised over $100,000. Then things got crazy. Over the next five years, we hosted 28 more events. Between those thirty total events — one hundred mile bike rides, obstacle course races, triathlons, trail runs, and a half Ironman — over one thousand men joined the mission.


    Something miraculous was unfolding. In August of 2024, I gathered my four daughters and we celebrated something that still brings tears to my eyes. We had just crossed the one million dollar threshold. When this journey started, our bold prayer was (14:58) $10,000 for fatherless kids. That felt like a stretch, and God multiplied our small yes by 100.


    My daughters got it. Dad heard from God during worship one Sunday morning. His friends said yes to something hard. And then God breathed on that simple beginning until over a thousand men had joined together, touching tens of thousands of kids through the organizations we've supported. Our kids are watching. They're learning what it means to use strength for good and turn love into action. And somehow God takes our small yes and multiplies it into something way bigger than we ever imagined.


    Remember this. Right now, someone near you is having their own Florence moment. They're lost, overwhelmed, out of options, desperately hoping someone will notice. Or maybe they're hurting in ways they can't articulate, not realizing what they actually need is someone to understand them. You've got what they need. Maybe it's five minutes, maybe it's fifty dollars, maybe it's empathy and a gift card.


    This is what phase five dads do. We see what other guys walk right past. The struggling single mom at the grocery store, the overwhelmed new dad at church, the neighbor whose marriage is barely holding on. We notice, we step up, we make what we have available.


    And here's what happens when we do. Someone gets the rescue they were praying for. Our kids watch love transform from a concept into action. And somehow, in ways we can't predict or control, God takes our small yes and multiplies it into something far bigger than we imagined.


    So this week, look for your God appointment. Stay alert. When you see the need and realize you've got something to offer, step in. Let your kids watch you respond. You might just become someone's Italian angel. That small yes might get multiplied by 100.


    SETTING UP THE DANNY SILK CLIP


    Jeff Zaugg (17:10)

    I mentioned a couple principles and takeaways from Danny Silk in this chapter that I just read. Episode 268 was the first time I sat down and interviewed him, and actually I decided instead of just one two-minute clip, I did a little mashup of three clips from Danny Silk for you guys, all taken from episode 268. And you'll see it in a hurry, there is so much wisdom in a short amount of time. This is about a five-minute clip. And in the show notes is links to this episode and two other episodes with Danny. So I pray that you guys lean in. Again, this is the last discovery. We're focused on leadership, being men who lead ourselves, lead our families, and lead other dads. We can press in, step up, take ownership, and Danny's gonna challenge us in these ways. So this is three clips from episode 268.


    ARCHIVE CLIP — DANNY SILK (EPISODE 268)


    Danny Silk (18:07)

    You have the power to make choices. You've been empowered to resist what others can't, to choose what others don't value, to nurture things that others don't see. You have the power by the Spirit of God to want to please God, to want to tend to your heart connection with the Father. Other people just don't even want it. That's what's wrong with the world. The world is sliding into the toilet because they have zero awareness of their connection with the Father and how powerful and meaningful that is. And when you have nothing like that to protect, all you protect is yourself. And you live in a constant state of self-preservation.


    Proverbs 18:1 says a man who isolates himself seeks his own desires and rages against wise counsel and judgment. So the trap of the enemy for men in particular is isolation. Because now you become master and ruler of reality. And that is the fast track to deception. And that's exactly the kingdom where the devil rules, is deception. So once you leave the kingdom reality that has a king, and then you become the king, and now you too are an opponent of God.


    The application in the family is really an attempt to help us to see how our Father parents us as sons and daughters. He is not screaming in my face. He's not grabbing me by the shirt and throwing me up against the wall. He's not kicking me in the butt because he's angry. He's not intimidating me into submission. The church will gladly intimidate the world into submission and scare everybody onto the bus. But that's not (20:34) my Father. That's the spirit of fear.


    And when the most used tool in my toolbox as a parent is some form of intimidation or the threat of punishment, then I have created a culture in my home that does not resemble heaven. I pray your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven — in my home as it is in heaven.


    So that book is really attempting to show us that my Father is much more concerned about my heart connection to him than he is controlling me. And that kind of blows our mind and takes us out of a skill set, because most of us really only understand how to try to control our children. And we've actually heard it from other people: you need to control your child. And you're like, well, good luck. I can't find the remote. I lost the remote in the couch somewhere. We don't know where the remote on this child went. So there'll be no controlling other human beings.


    You don't control your wife, you don't control your children, you don't control your adult children. This is why learning to control yourself is so important. Because if you don't learn to control yourself, you are out of control. And the false sense of control, it comes from orchestrating and intimidating, manipulating, dominating other people. So it's a retooling, if you will, learning how to communicate in such a way that you are leading yourself and you are stewarding consequences for choices, but you realize the whole time, I do not control you. (22:56) You'd better learn to control yourself.


    ACTION STEPS


    Jeff Zaugg (23:00)

    Okay, guys, we're coming in for landing, part seven of the Summer DadAwesome Multipliers series. We do action steps at the end of each of these conversations. Action steps. So we're gonna go reflection, multiplication, activation.


    So for reflection, let's think deeply around the phase we're currently in. I had these five phases of starting very self-focused and working towards really being on the lookout, of focus on others. And we're forced into it in fatherhood. We're forced, but this is still an area of prayer for me. I really am praying into, why are my thoughts so self-focused? Why am I getting — like, often my crabbiness or my body language that's irritated is because I have the wrong heart, the wrong focus. I am not thinking at all phase five. So name your phase. Name your phase with those different phases from the chapter.


    Thinking through, this is reflection. Who maybe have you walked past? This idea of the Italian angel and him spotting and offering to help. Who have I walked past in the last month here? Are there people who really could have used a pause in my care that I've walked past? And reflecting back with grief and with loss, but now we can learn from that.


    The last part of reflection is inventorying what we currently have. Time, trust, troubleshooting. What do we currently have that maybe someone else might be desperate for? So this is skills, margin, maybe a network or introductions, resources, lived experience.


    Let's look into now the second part of taking action, is multiplication. Multiplication. So where am I isolated? If you want to multiply anything, you're gonna need brotherhood. You're gonna need guys in your (25:21) foxhole. You're gonna need a crew. You're not gonna see a multiplication miracle if you're isolated. So, man, the isolation trap is real. Let's build brotherhood so that we can see things multiply. And through all the building brotherhood and friendships, you're going to live out being a multiplier just through building friendships.


    Also, serving others and taking action, do it with somebody else. If someone has asked for help with the yard project, man, bring another dad along. It's a way to get to know and grow a friendship while serving side by side. It does multiply the impact if you bring someone along.


    And then the whole idea of action, like, man, I want to multiply what I'm learning. So sharing this podcast, inviting someone to jump into our next accelerator cohort, or man, the Dallas Spartan that I offered, like doing something active like a Spartan race or a run. What are the unexpected, maybe side door multiplication ways to multiply this mission? And thinking through, is there something this fall or this winter season that you could actually rally other guys towards? And it actually is a more natural way to build friendship sometimes if you actually pick a date and pick a challenge versus say, hey, let's just grow, let's just sit and talk. So multiplication, think about the side door to a man's heart, which is often doing something.


    And then here's where we're coming in for landing. Activation. Activation. Praying and looking for a God appointment this week. Let's stay alert. Who needs a little more time? Maybe some generosity, maybe some care, maybe some words of advice. Don't consider these as interruptions. Let's be on the lookout. This is an invitation from God (27:43) to activate what you've learned today. So let's be on the lookout for those God appointments.


    Secondly, let's, within proximity of our kids, just pause, go out of our way to show love, care, compassion to somebody else. So let's do that within sight of our kids. Let them see you. Maybe not hustle on to the next thing, but have a slower approach.


    And the last thing, is there a small yes that you've been putting off? And maybe it's serving in your local church. Maybe the small yes is starting a small group study. Maybe the small yes is, you know, for me, the example was doing this campaign to try to raise $10,000, a bike ride. Is there a small yes, something, a dream God's put on your heart that you're thinking, now's not the time, now's not the time? Now, what if now is the time?


    And part of leadership and part of DadAwesome saying you're called to lead. Lead yourself, lead your family, lead other dads. Like in the fatherhood space, is there something you could lead that there are other dads just waiting? There are other men just waiting for your yes for it to multiply in ways you can't even imagine. So I want you just to pray into that and to try and experiment around that small yes. Run an experiment. What could it hurt? What could it hurt?


    So as we land part seven of this summer series, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being a part of this series. Thank you for leaning in. Thank you for being the first listeners of me reading the rough draft version of the DadAwesome audiobook. If there are any ways that I can help encourage you, help serve, help resource you being a spark to reach other dads, reach out to me with a voice message. I always invite, but I don't get that many of those voice messages. Send up to a 90 second voice message on the link in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. Would love to hear from you.


    So praying for you guys. Thanks for being a part of this summer series. And starting next week, we're back to some interviews, some DadAwesome conversations. Cannot wait to share. I've recorded about a half dozen of them this summer, so cannot wait for this fall series. So praying for you guys. Have a great week.

  • "God jumps into our mess with us. He's not watching from the bleachers." (05:35)

    "Every day we walk past people having their own version of lost in Florence." (06:15)

    "You don't need more to make a big difference. You've already got what someone desperately needs. You just need to be willing to share it." (11:15)

    "I'm learning to see struggling people as potential God appointments instead of interruptions." (11:30)

    "As fathers, we teach our children more through our responses to others' needs than through our lectures about compassion." (12:40)

    "God takes our small yes and multiplies it into something far bigger than we imagined." (16:45)

    "The trap of the enemy for men in particular is isolation. Because now you become master and ruler of reality, and that is the fast track to deception." (19:20) — Danny Silk

    "When the most used tool in my toolbox as a parent is some form of intimidation or the threat of punishment, then I have created a culture in my home that does not resemble heaven." (20:45) — Danny Silk

    "My Father is much more concerned about my heart connection to Him than He is controlling me." (21:40) — Danny Silk

    "If you don't learn to control yourself, you are out of control." (22:20) — Danny Silk

    Action Steps:

    I. Reflection

    Name your phase. Childish, young adult, young married, young dad, wise dad — where are you actually living right now?

    Who have you walked past? Think back over the last month. Who could have used a pause in your care?

    Take inventory. Time, trust, troubleshooting. Skills, margin, network, resources, lived experience. What do you have that someone else might be desperate for?

    II. Multiplication

    Where are you isolated? You will not see a multiplication miracle alone. Name the guys in your foxhole, or admit you need to build that crew.

    Serve with someone. When a dad needs help with a yard project, bring another dad along. Friendship grows shoulder to shoulder.

    Find the side door. Pick a date and a challenge rather than "let's just sit and talk." A race, a ride, a project — action is often the side door to a man's heart.

    III. Activation

    Pray for a God appointment this week. Stay alert for the person who needs time, generosity, care, or counsel.

    Let your kids watch. Go out of your way to show compassion within sight of your children. Don't hustle on to the next thing.

    Run the small yes. Is there something God put on your heart that you keep postponing? What if now is the time? Run it as an experiment — what could it hurt?

 

Connect with DadAwesome

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448 | MULTIPLIERS Part 6: The Purple Carabiner, Delighting in What They Delight In, and Kind Fathering from a Stranger (Ft. Alex Burton)