405 | Courageous Fatherhood, The Gift of Physical Touch, and Doing for One More Kid (Peter Ostapko)

Raising Jesus Followers
Written By Jeff Zaugg

Episode Description

Imagine standing at the edge of a 30-foot-high dive over ice-cold water with your son watching from below. That terrifying moment of decision mirrors what it means to be a risk-taking dad in today's world. In this episode, Peter Ostapko from Kinsman shares the cliff-jumping story that changed how he parents, plus powerful insights on the gift of physical touch with your kids, the critical importance of being present, and why every dad needs deep brotherhood. You'll also hear an unforgettable challenge: do for one kid outside your family what you do for your own kids.

  • Peter Ostapko is a leader with Kinsman, an intentional men's ministry focused on faithfully demonstrating redemptive, Christ-centered brotherhood. Kinsman creates resources including publishing, podcasting, and gatherings to influence men toward authentic connection and purposeful living. Peter is also the creator of the Kinsman Journal, a beautiful resource designed to help men unlock the power of their stories. He's a husband, father, and passionate advocate for helping dads build deep friendships and lead their families with courage and intentionality.

    • Following Jesus as a father is meant to be the most adventurous, risk-taking, beautiful journey—not boring or safe

    • Physical touch with your kids is a powerful gift that communicates love, safety, and connection in ways words cannot

    • Your presence as a dad matters more than you realize—availability beats ability every time

    • Deep friendships and brotherhood are essential for the fatherhood journey; isolation is the enemy

    • Challenge yourself to "do for one more kid" outside your family what you already do for your own kids

    • Being a sower and planting seeds means showing up consistently without always seeing immediate results

    • Don't place unrealistic expectations on your kids because you're trying to overcompensate for your own broken past

    • The Kinsman Journal helps fathers unlock the power of their story and create spaces for authentic connection

  • PETER OSTAPKO: Do for one kid outside of your kids, whether it's the neighborhood kid or maybe one of the kids on the team that you coach. Maybe it's a nephew, a niece, or something like that. Do for one more kid outside of your family that you do for your kids. Be intentional with them. Invite them into dinners and love on them. Or spend extra time when you walk by them in the neighborhood. You never know what some of these kids are going through.

    JEFF ZAUGG: Welcome back to Dad Awesome. Guys, today, episode 405, I have Peter Ostapko joining me from Kinsman. Kinsman is an amazing men's ministry. They have publishing, podcasting, intentional gatherings. Their vision is to faithfully demonstrate a redemptive Christ-centered brotherhood and influence others to do the same. So I was connected with Peter not that long ago, and we hopped on and did a podcast recording. I'm thrilled to share with you guys today.

    We are going to hit topics like being a risk-taking dad. We're going to talk about the power of physical touch. That one hit me especially hard to kind of repress into loving physical touch with my girls. We're going to talk about planting seeds, being a sower, and just that mindset as a dad. And then, man, the ministry leads Kinsman and the Kinsman Journal they released a few years ago, this beautiful resource to help us as dads.

    That's the power of story, kind of unlocking story. And then of course, we're going to talk about deep friendships and growing a deep brotherhood. I'm excited for today's conversation. Episode 405.

    Hey, quick shout out. We are gathering questions to do a question-based episode in the near future. Simply look right in your podcast app. There's a link to leave us a voice message. A 90 second, up to 90 seconds. It can be short, just a question. Start it off with your name and where you're from. Just even your first name and where you're from and then ask your question, and we're putting that special episode together with your questions. So I want to welcome that. Okay. This is episode 405 with Peter Ostapko.

    Welcome to Dad Awesome.

    PETER OSTAPKO: I'm thrilled to be here, Jeff. Really, really am. Thank you so much.

    JEFF ZAUGG: I thought we'd start with cliff jumping of all topics that we could chat about. Let's talk about cliff jumping for a moment. Well, now, and maybe it was a cliff, maybe it was a bridge, within the last couple of years, a story about you jumping from up high, your son jumping from a little lower. Could you share the story and then how it parallels to the deeper, you know, your dad being a risk taker, your dad going after maybe challenges, initiatives that were beyond what it made sense to just deploy, go after. I'd love to hear kind of the setup and a little bit about your dad.

    PETER OSTAPKO: Yeah. Oh, that's a great question. And somehow along the way we have adopted this idea that following Jesus is boring and lame. It is to be the most adventurous, risk-taking, frightening, wonderfully beautiful, dependent, abiding thing we'll ever experience in our life. I love that you asked that question because my son and I, so talk about risk. I mean, I'm going to—you didn't know you were opening up something here with this question.

    Okay. So two years ago, actually this week, I took a jump and I left the bank, a very comfortable job, a very successful, great career. But it was just, I knew, and there's so much story behind that as to why, and just knowing that God was really nudging us into this. But, you know, ultimately we make the decision, we take the risk, right? But that was two years ago.

    And I will tell you, it's been the most frightening but beautiful experience of my life. And it has drawn me so much closer to the Lord. But this specific story you ask was my son and I got invited to be a part of this father son camp through Kanakuk. Kanakuk is a very well known summer camp ministry here in the Midwest on Table Rock Lake and Lake Taneycomo. And they recruit like thousands of counselors from college campuses and they have like probably tens of thousands of kids come to this thing. It's just crazy.

    But it's a wonderful camp. Anyways, they did this father-son camp for a few years and my son and I got invited to go. And so Taneycomo is a—it's a very, very cold water. It's called a lake, but it's essentially built and looks like a river and it's the bottom of Table Rock. So the cold water that comes out of Table Rock Lake goes into Taneycomo. So the water is year round 50, 55 degrees. Yeah, little chilly. And they have this high dive. Okay, which I'm not into heights.

    I like safe spaces. I'll take a little risk here and there, but like I prefer life, you know, breathing air out of my lungs, you know, all that kind of stuff. I don't need to die, you know, so I don't take unnecessary risk physically. Anyways, it's a bunch of dads and listen, it's quintessential dad situation, right? So you have your guys that are like, oh dude, I'll do anything like, you know, just whatever I'll do it, you know, backwards and three flips and they'll jump in and then I'll stay in there for five minutes. I don't care. You know, I mean, you have those dads that are like, you know, they're the first in line. They're jumping.

    And then you have the other guys that are like totally introverted. They're like, you couldn't pay me $5 million to go up that ladder and jump into that water. I ain't doing it. So, you know, I kind of find myself in the middle, right? Well, here's the thing is like, it's not only is it just the dads that are, you know, there's a little peer pressure happening, but then there's also the kids, right? So you have the dads who are getting peer pressured into this. And then you have the kids that are peer pressuring each other. Well, none of the kids were jumping off the high dive unless they were like the older boys that were like teenagers, like 16, 17.

    But all the like nine to 12, 13 year olds, they weren't doing that, but they jump in the water from the lower point. So anyways, we're sitting there and I'm like one of the last four or five. And I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, I'm 50-50 on this deal. And then Titus is like, dad, you should do this. I was like, listen here, kiddo. If I go up and do that thing, you're jumping in down here and we're doing it together. And he's like, okay, dad, because a couple of his, a couple of other boys were kind of, you know, giving him a hard time. I was like, we're going to do this together.

    Well, the first thing I thought I was like, okay, listen, I've seen other guys do this thing. They climb up this ladder. They stand there. They overthink it. They freeze because it's probably about 30 feet up, you know, and 30 feet up is pretty good distance when you're not, you know, a high diver.

    JEFF ZAUGG: It looks 50 feet when you're up there. It looks 50 feet. Yeah.

    PETER OSTAPKO: It's very frightening and the water is so cold. Like it's so cold. Anyway, something like, okay, I'm just going to do it. So I was like, Titus, here we go. So I go up the ladder. I go straight up. I'm not even, I'm just looking straight out, not at the water, but at the ladder. I'm going up. I turn around and immediately some of the guys just stood up there and think about it, wait, and then they jump. I literally turned around and just jumped right off. I didn't even think about it and just land in there. I mean, the cold, like my heart's like, I mean, it's just—swim immediately back, refreshed, but cold. Titus jumped in at the same time. And I mean, we just like got out of the water and we're just like high five. And like, he was like, let's go. You know, it was an epic moment for a lot of different reasons.

    But I tell you, I say that earlier about risk is like, we talk ourselves out of way too many things. God is on the other side. He's like, listen, I got an adventure for you. Do you want to do this or not? He doesn't force us. He invites us into it.

    [Content continues through the rest of the conversation...]

    JEFF ZAUGG: Yeah, you defined high value, high bar, give something concrete and guys are waiting for the invite. They're waiting for it. Peter, this whole conversation, we've kind of hit wide and deep. We've hit both sides, but I wanted to ask, is there any other brotherhood discoveries? I know like just anything else you've learned from the speakers at your summit, from guys who've been a part of your groups, from men who have been courageous to share their stories in the journal like anything that you're like I think the guys at Dad Awesome should know this—anything that comes top of mind before you pray over us?

    PETER OSTAPKO: I think sometimes we're a little bit too hard on ourselves. You know, if you come from a broken, fractured family story, you're going to try to overcompensate to try to make up for it. And the last thing you can do is place unrealistic expectations on your kids because you had a bad upbringing and then you expect them to want you expect them to receive your parenting in a perfect way as if you're like, well, you don't realize it. Like my dad never showed up and I'm here for you and this is what you treat me like. That's the last thing you need to be doing. And I've done that.

    I've done that in the last few months and the Lord's like, Peter, hello. No, no, no, no, no, no. And so it's just like, we're all on a journey. Right. And I think that's the important thing that I want guys to understand is that the last place you need to be is lonely and isolated. You need other brothers in Christ to learn these things with, to live it out with. It needs to be frequent and consistent. And yeah, I mean, just listen though, I will say though, like the role of a father, it's extraordinarily important. We know this, but it is the most important title mantle role you'll ever have in your entire life outside of a spouse to your husband, to your wife. But you know, the role of a father, it's extraordinary.

    I remember a pastor saying this. He goes, listen, when your kids are in the home, you don't have the luxury of having hobbies. And what he meant by that is like, it's not like you can't go out and have fun. What he means is like, you put some things to the side because your presence matters more than you realize. And so just being available for your kid. This is the one thing I should say is I'm saying this—I remember attending Catalyst Conference. Do you remember Catalyst?

    JEFF ZAUGG: I was there. I was there.

    PETER OSTAPKO: Okay, so in 2014, I went to the one—was it 2014? No, I'm sorry. No, it was way before that. It was 2011, 2011 in Atlanta. And the theme was be present. And I remember Andy Stanley saying, do for one, which you can't do for everyone. I was like, wow, that just stuck with me. Still, it stuck with me 13, 14 years later. And I would say this to dads, do for one kid outside of your kids.

    Whether it's the neighborhood kid or maybe one of the kids on the team that you coach, maybe it's a nephew, a niece or something like that. Do for one more kid outside of your family that you do for your kids. Be intentional with them, invite them into dinners and love on them or spend extra time when you walk by them in the neighborhood or whatever. Like you never know what some of these kids are going through. And like, I remember my own life like when we were going through just the thrust of the divorce and all of these clunky things that were happening. Like just I look back and I saw now I'm like, wow, Lord, you use that coach and use that neighbor and use that person. And it's like, wow, you were there all along.

    And John Eldredge in his book Fathered by God, most people reference Wild at Heart. I'm telling you right now, Fathered by God is by far his best work he's ever written. If you have not read that book, guys—

    JEFF ZAUGG: It's so good.

    PETER OSTAPKO: Go read that. Yes. It's an amazing book. It's an amazing book. And yeah, so I would just say that encourage guys to say, hey, include one more kid. You know what I mean? If you got two boys, bring in a third boy, take them fishing with you. Take them camping when you go, you know, take them down to go get ice cream. Like just do the things that you do with your kids and add one more to the mix. It's already exhausting and chaotic. What's one more? What difference does it make? But you will make a tremendous influence on that kid's life. Oh my goodness.

    JEFF ZAUGG: I love it. We need invitations that we can like, yes, I can do that and understand like, there's a tactical next step. So yes, I encourage all dads to pray into that specific action step. Speaking of prayer, Peter, thank you for this time together. And would you just pray a short prayer over all of us dads?

    PETER OSTAPKO: Absolutely, Heavenly Father, we love you. It is an honor to serve you. It is a gift to be a part of the brotherhood and to be sons. We are made, you say in your word, we are made in the Imago Dei, the very image of God and Lord. We thank you for loving us the way that you do. We thank you for setting your son Jesus. And because of this example, we can love others. We are made whole in you.

    And we can live from that place. And when we do, Lord, we renew culture, we renew family stories, we renew communities, we renew and redeem broken things because your spirit dwells within us. And I just pray that over these men, I pray that they're encouraged. I pray that they would just be reminded they are not alone in this journey, that they are not to be isolated or alone, that they have other people that want to encourage them, that want to be alongside them. And so I just pray that I pray for just an army of fellowship.

    Of dads and husbands and fathers that we would lean into this beautiful calling and role of fatherhood. And Lord, we would do it imperfectly, but we would do it with love and honoring one another. And Father, what a privilege it is to serve you. We thank you so much for this group, for all that you're doing. You are so very good. In Jesus name. Amen.

    JEFF ZAUGG: Thank you so much for joining us for episode 405 with Peter Ostapko. All the conversation links, the links to the Kinsman Journal, ordering that, all the other resources they've created at Kinsman. It's all going to be found at dadawesome.org/podcast, and then simply look for episode 405.

    I want to remind you guys we're putting together a special questions-based kind of question answer episode. We'd love to have you guys submit questions by recording audio. Just we've got a link right in the show notes right at our website for today's episode. Look for Leave Dad Awesome a voice message and start with your first name and where you're from and then ask your question.

    Hey, I'm praying for you guys this week. We covered a lot of topics, praying that God brings clarity to how can you be a dad of action. Let's lean in with a bias towards action, praying God guide me and God give me the strength to put this into practice versus just to have intent. So praying for you, cheering for you. Have a great week, guys.

    END OF TRANSCRIPT

    1. "Following Jesus is to be the most adventurous, risk-taking, frightening, wonderfully beautiful, dependent, abiding thing we'll ever experience in our life."

    2. "The role of a father is the most important title, mantle, role you'll ever have in your entire life outside of being a spouse to your wife."

    3. "Do for one kid outside of your kids what you do for your kids. Be intentional with them. Invite them into dinners and love on them. You never know what some of these kids are going through."

    4. "We talk ourselves out of way too many things. God is on the other side saying, 'Listen, I got an adventure for you. Do you want to do this or not?' He doesn't force us. He invites us into it."

    5. "Your presence matters more than you realize. Just being available for your kid—that's what matters most."

 

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Jeff Zaugg
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