402 | Four Pillars of Manhood, Emotional Safety, and Getting to the Rocking Chair with Love (Josh Krehbiel)
Episode Description
Some days you feel like a C-grade dad, and that's when presence matters most. In this episode, Josh Krehbiel shares how he's learning to create emotional safety for his kids, celebrate vulnerability over performance, and pursue the long view of becoming a tender-hearted grandfather. You'll hear about the four pillars of manhood, why crock-pot freedom beats microwave solutions, and how to get to the rocking chair with love on your heart.
-
Josh Krehbiel is the lead founding pastor of Everyday Church in Roseville, Minnesota—a community focused on prayer, discipleship, and sending out leaders and movements. Along with his wife Katie, Josh is passionate about raising up the next generation through worship, ministry, and authentic family connection. They have four children: three teenagers and a five-year-old. Josh is also a songwriter and worship leader who believes in the power of declaring truth over families through music and prayer.
-
Marking moments matter: Creating manhood ceremonies and intentional milestones leaves lasting impressions on your kids, even if the follow-up isn't perfect.
Celebrate vulnerability first: When your kids fail or confess something hard, make it about their openness before addressing consequences—this builds emotional safety.
Reject passivity, accept responsibility, lead courageously, and be fueled by the future: These four pillars of manhood provide a framework for raising boys and girls with character.
Pursue purity as a top priority: The war for purity as a father protects your ability to show physical affection and have compassion without contamination.
Freedom is crock-pot, not microwave: Breakthrough comes through long-suffering love and staying present, not by trying to manhandle change.
-
Learn about the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort
Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
Everyday Church, Roseville, Minnesota
-
But I'd rather be on the humble side of, man, my dad was humble, and it seemed like God's grace was on him because God gives grace to the humble. And I saw God's grace on my dad because he was humble. He'd apologize when he made a mistake. And that's the type of husband that I want for my girls. I want my girls to marry humble men that apologize, right? I want my boy to turn into a humble man that carries the grace of God on him when he makes mistakes.
JEFF ZAUGG
Welcome back to DadAwesome. Today, episode 402, I have Josh Krehbiel joining me. When I was in Minnesota just a couple weeks ago, on the day that we launched episode 400, I asked Josh if he would sit down and have a conversation with me. And the reason this conversation is significant is we traveled three laps around the country over these past years when we were traveling for Fathers, for the Father List, for our activation events. And we set off in an RV three different times. And I think, pretty sure all three of those times, Josh prayed for our family, him and his wife Katie huddled up with us and just prayed over our family and kind of sent us out. So their church every day has been a part of kind of the sending. We're so grateful to have their prayer support and just even the men's ministry from Every Day has been just a big supporter of DadAwesome. So, so grateful for their church community. Josh and Katie are the lead founding pastors of Every Day. It's in Roseville, Minnesota. It's a prayer room. It's a, they call it the base where they're sending. They're sending out really, disciples sending out leaders, sending out movements, and DadAwesome is one of them. So grateful that we had this chat on the day of episode 400. It felt significant. We're gonna talk about the four pillars of manhood from Robert Lewis. We're gonna talk about creating emotional safety in parenting. The long view, thinking instead of microwave thinking, no, this is crock-pot. It takes time. It takes time in fatherhood.
We'll talk about pursuing purity in fatherhood and getting to the rocking chair with love on our hearts. So excited for today's chat episode. Four hundred and two. Want a quick shout out. Remind you guys we have seven spots left. We added another cohort for the DadAwesome accelerator. This virtual coaching six weeks of sprints taking seven and a half years of the core discoveries at DadAwesome. From over 400 podcast conversations, we package it into this six week sprint called the accelerator.
Jeff Zaugg (03:02.402) And we've got a couple spots open. We're launching one group Thursday, October 16th. We've got four spots available in that one. And then we launch another group November 5th is a Wednesday. Three spots are available in that group. So just a few spots left. I want to encourage you guys, head over to dadawesome.org/coaching, or reach out to me with a message. You can email me at awesome@dadawesome.org. So want to invite you guys to prayerfully join us and fill up these last two cohorts this fall. This is an exciting time for our ministry and hope some of you guys jump in, dive into that experience with us. So let's jump right in though. Today, Josh Krehbiel is joining me for episode 402.
Jeff Zaugg (03:52.95) If you can think of it could be from your own dad, you as a child or a dad moment that you're like, yep, that was a milestone marker. It was a moment that I gave thanks or a moment that some pivot happened. Can you think of any of those dad moments or son moments that might be transferable?
Josh Krehbiel The first thing that comes to mind actually is, I think I was 12 years old, which is my son's age right now, actually, which is wild for me to think about. When I was 12, my dad came into my room and he said, "Hey, I want you to read one chapter in this book." And so I opened up the book, read it. It was the book, Raising a Modern-Day Knight. And it was all about what it means to be a man.
Jeff Zaugg Robert Lewis, modern day knight.
Josh Krehbiel And he only had me read one chapter. I'm sure the rest of the... Yes, it's for dads. I think my dad probably just thought like, hey, I don't want to, I don't have to break this down. He'll just read the chapter, you know, and then we'll talk about it. Well, I read the chapter, learned about what it means to be a man. I've changed some of the language, you know, reject passivity, accept responsibility, lead courageously, fueled by the future. So my dad said, "Hey, I want you to read this. I want you to know what it means to be a man and we're going to do a manhood ceremony." And so he brought me to, we set up this whole thing. It's like a bar mitzvah in essence. And we went to Glenary Castle at the Navigators in Colorado Springs. And it's this medieval castle, did this whole thing, all of my friends, all my friends' dads. And it was this ceremony of like Josh is entering manhood. He had me memorize what it means to be a man.
Josh Krehbiel (05:32.758) And I think that that really shifted my mindset as I was growing up to go, actually, you know, I'm on the construction site with him and I'm going, I am learning what it means to be a man. And there wasn't a lot of followup on that. You know, there wasn't a lot, but it marked me, you know, when I think about that as a man. And now I'm multiplying that story going, man, I want dads in our community to have these marking moments like that. And I want that for my boy as well and my girls too. We're working on the same thing for our girls of how can there be these moments.
Jeff Zaugg So your dad, you even mentioned, like, there wasn't a lot of follow-up after that moment, right? Or even on the front end, he didn't take the book and then come to you with a deep conversation. He handed you the book, right?
Josh Krehbiel Yeah.
Jeff Zaugg Yes. We're not, like, a dad doesn't have to hit it perfect. Doesn't have to. But he loved you enough to create a moment, invite people in, and share these, like, this is what a man is, and you are that man.
Josh Krehbiel Yes, it wasn't, he didn't hit it out of the park. He didn't get an A plus. It's actually funny. Last, earlier this week, I was just kind of going, man, I'm probably, I'd give myself like a grade, maybe a C, you know, maybe like a C plus as a dad right now, you know? And I'm like, I don't even, I think I'm going to cancel on Jeff, you know, those moments where you just feel like, wow, I don't feel like I'm actually, I know there's more here.
Jeff Zaugg As a dad?
Josh Krehbiel (06:59.79) For me as a father and my Gen Z daughter just started giving me trouble, making fun of me for, they're like, dad, you're the best dad ever. And they just started hitting me hard. I was discouraged, but they just like called me higher basically with shame. They just started roasting me for feeling bad for myself thinking I'm a C dad, you know? But I think that's how we feel as men. And when I look at my dad, I go, man...
Jeff Zaugg They knew you were discouraged.
Josh Krehbiel (07:30.062) There's so many things that, you know, I'm not going to continue in his legacy, but other things, like my dad tucked me in at night until I started spending time with Jesus way too late at night. And he'd just come in and give me, you know, a hug and say, love you. But my dad, I remember my dad on the bedside, just loving on me and being on that driveway, rebounding shots on the driveway and those types of things where I was waiting for him to come home and he always came home. And I think sometimes we just forget the presence of a father is probably like, hey, it's a B plus. You know, we think that we're in this D, C zone and it's our self-ranking is messed up. That voice is not the Holy Spirit. That voice is an accuser.
Jeff Zaugg Your son is 12, your daughters are teenagers 15, and then you have a younger daughter.
Josh Krehbiel And we have a younger daughter who's five.
Jeff Zaugg Five.
Josh Krehbiel Five.
Jeff Zaugg So your chapter is a chapter ahead of the Zaugg family. And we're grateful that our oldest is friends with your girls. But let's go to your 12-year-old for a second. Those four, Robert Lewis's four kind of marks. And then the last one you switched to fueled by the future. Would you take us through, explain like you're explaining to a 12-year-old, your son, of hey, you've got a moment, not long, long form, but hey, I want to just huddle up and remind you of these four things. Could you explain to us like you would to your son?
Josh Krehbiel (09:00.17) For sure. So reject passivity is, hey, when we... I'll be talking to my boy and I'll just say, we don't wait to be told to do things as we become men. We actually, we're not passive. So if, whether it's taking the trash out, I see a need, I'm going to meet the need or whether there's your little sisters in danger, you're going to reject passivity, but you're not just gonna sit on the side. Or someone else should do something. Somebody else is gonna do something about this. No, we step in as men. And we're the first ones to apologize. And that kind of leads right into accepting responsibility. We accept responsibility. You don't have to accept responsibility for the whole problem and things that you aren't responsible for, but you take responsibility to apologize first, you reject passivity, apologize first, you own it. What's your part? And I think one of the things that is in my blood, and I see it in him as well, that we're working on is minimizing problems, minimizing mistakes, minimizing half truths.
Jeff Zaugg Own it.
Josh Krehbiel (10:23.894) And those are the things that really the rubber meets the road on accepting responsibility.
Jeff Zaugg Yes.
Josh Krehbiel Instead of minimizing the problems around us. Good. And, and then lead courageously is, there's people watching and it takes courage to, when you're with your group of friends to actually walk in character when you're around people in private, but also when you're around others. And it takes courage to do that as a leader.
Jeff Zaugg I want to shine a spotlight for a moment and interrupt you on your daughter and her leading courageously, which was looking across a room last night and seeking out my daughter, leadership, and saying, hey, come join us. Because we, as a family, didn't know that youth ministry was happening last night. And your daughter went and found and brought and pursued. That's it. That's what leaders do.
Josh Krehbiel Yes.
Jeff Zaugg Courageously.
Josh Krehbiel I think of my son, we'll do this thing called listen and obey before we go to school. So on the way to school, we're driving, we have a little statement that we'll repeat. Our five-year-old daughter will go, I'm not what I do. We go, I'm not what I do. I'm not what I have. And we kind of move through that morning declaration. Maybe you've heard of this. And then we'll ask the Holy Spirit, Lord, is there anything you want us to do today? And we just pause and wait. And we were training them up from a young age to learn how to hear God's voice and then obey Him. Right. And so then we'll celebrate on the way home or at dinner table. And there's been so many moments where Harvey, our 12 year old boy has demonstrated courageous leadership because he got a word from the Holy Spirit of like, I'm supposed to pursue the kid that's by himself, sitting by himself at school for lunch. And then he brings his whole group of friends to hang out with that kid, you know? And it changes the culture of a whole friend group. When you've got one kid that goes, I've got my eyes after the one. Right? But it's all starts with listening to the most incredible masculine man in history, his spirit highlighting to us what we should do and what he's thinking about, where he's leading. Right?
Jeff Zaugg Yeah, because lead courageously under our own strength without the Holy Spirit, it leads to destruction, usually.
Josh Krehbiel Because striving for self-fulfillment.
Jeff Zaugg Pride, all these things. So in hearing, and I think we're gonna actually come back to hearing from, hearing God's voice, hearing those whispers, but take us into fueled by the future.
Josh Krehbiel Fueled by the future. Man, I think that fueled by the future, we'll talk about when I'm talking to Harvey, I'll talk about, hey, you gotta stop eating like a full bag of Takis. And it doesn't work to be eating a full bag of whatever candy it is. You know, it's like, we are practicing using self-control because you're gonna need self-control when you get to marriage.
Josh Krehbiel (13:32.302) You're gonna need self-control when you're tempted and you... I mean we talked about this morning on the way to school. There's... What were we talking about? We were talking about, he felt like the Lord spoke to him about refraining from a certain type of media. And he just shared with me, man, dad, I've been like refraining from doing that. It was like a YouTube channel and I'm not doing it, but man, sometimes I really want to. And I said, Harvey, you're killing it, man. I'm just celebrating it. Like I'm celebrating self-control because God put something on his heart and he's going, I'm not supposed to watch this YouTube. It's not actually good for me. And I'm going to put my stake in the ground. I'm not going to watch it. And I told him, that's what being fueled by the future is, having self-control because there's going to be a time where even this YouTube channel, it's not bad, but God highlighted that to you, right? And obedience to him actually protects you from the other things that are in the future that are going to be destructive, right? That are going to destroy your relationships. And using that self-control right now is so important. So delayed gratification for as dads trying to help our kids with delayed gratification is gold and they're watching us, not our teaching. They're watching our...
Jeff Zaugg Wee. Oh no, don't say that Jeff. I have an ice cream problem.
Josh Krehbiel You guys don't... you stop for ice cream like forever.
Jeff Zaugg So we can celebrate making a decision with self control on a YouTube channel. But I celebrate as much or more the conversation you had with your son where he felt an openness to connect and process and talk about that decision.
Josh Krehbiel Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jeff Zaugg (15:36.354) So the just celebrating in raising a young man who is like leaning in in these areas that says actually like this conversation matters and I want to have the conversation versus figure it out with my friend circle. What do you think is an upstream for your kids for you and Katie to like have that open like there's a closeness and a safeness of yeah let's talk about even his phrase of I want to some I want to but I'm choosing not to there's so much safety there.
Josh Krehbiel Right, yes. Well, I think that it comes down to when our kids fail and screw up and they're vulnerable, we will actually make it not about the screw up. We'll make it about their vulnerability. And we screw up in that, for sure. Where it's like, hey, glad you were vulnerable. Like, that's not gonna fly. And there's discipline. Obviously there's consequences. And when they're vulnerable and they screwed up bad, it's like they understand now there's consequences, but what we've done is when there's vulnerability, especially on big things, let's say they lied or I don't know, fill in the blank, we'll celebrate it in some way. And for big things, it's like, we're going to the arcade and like if one of my kids, let's say they've been, they finally come to grips with, I've been sleeping around. You know, let's say my kids are 15, 16, they're going, man, I've actually been sleeping around with guys. That moment is a moment of grief, but also there's gonna be a celebration of, we're going somewhere and we're gonna celebrate the openness and the vulnerability. And we've done that before.
Jeff Zaugg (17:24.982) Wow, because you're celebrating a turning to living in the light, a back to confession. It's yours. You're in this situation hasn't happened. But you're saying you want to be that family who in those even the big, big things is celebrating first.
Josh Krehbiel Yes, celebrating first because the most important thing is connection, right? So the most important thing is the felt safety. That even if we think they're safe, you're fine. You're emotionally safe. You're fine. But what happens is if they don't feel safe, that's more important than if I think that they're safe emotionally. And so we'll celebrate those things or just say, man, deal with the matters.
Josh Krehbiel (18:11.086) I just want you to know it makes me feel so close to you when you're sharing this. And I feel like we can be so connected when you're vulnerable. And then I'll say things like, and this is how I've struggled. Or this is so normal that you're facing this. This has happened so many different times. And so we normalize struggle.
Jeff Zaugg Yeah.
Josh Krehbiel Yes.
Jeff Zaugg Hey, this makes me feel so close that we can be together in this, because I don't want you to be alone in it. Celebrate the vulnerability. And so that's one thing. It's like when failure happens, we're a safe landing place. But then it also is stewarded upstream when I'm thinking about how is there a connection like that. We are establishing ourselves as the place to come to to talk about stuff. And for instance, like with sexuality, we are like, hey, what do you, we're having those conversations and from a young age, like seven, eight years old, we're talking about sexuality and going, if you have any questions, I know everything. And I want you to have all your questions answered. And so like we know 10, 20 times more than any of your friends. So it's like, you got a question, I'm your guy, right? And that gets to be something that mom and dad step into. It gets to be both of us together in it.
Jeff Zaugg (19:55.444) As you're explaining those two sides of celebrate failure and then even early to topics like sex, I'm hearing you say these two things and I'm knowing I did not have either of those two. Those two spheres were not a reality to me growing up. So sometimes when I feel like I'm failing, I'm missing it, I put that because of what I experienced from my dad on my heavenly father and I tend to be less... I don't think of God as celebrating my turning to Him. Instead, it's like hide from, right? It's classic.
Josh Krehbiel In the garden. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jeff Zaugg Yes.
Josh Krehbiel I know this the deeper identity and understanding that that's God's heart is that some of when you're fueled by the future you think a lot about identity you think a lot about your kids and the men that you get to chance to lead how would you like yeah what would you share with me and that as I kind of springboard to that like feeling that I have brought some of that forward
Josh Krehbiel Yeah, I think when we're talking about the topic of shame, I mean, it's just like every man has experienced shame. When we're failing, most of us, when we screwed up when we were kids, it's like shame, condemnation, punishment, learn your lesson, get back up and do it the right way. Right. Or we avoid that whole process together and we just stuff that thing and we hide and then we live in the misery.
Josh Krehbiel (21:26.89) Of hiding it. And we know that that's miserable too, until you get really, really, really, really good at hiding it. And then that creates all sorts of deception and you have to keep track of your lies. And keeping track of lies is a whole, that's hell. It's horrible. And so what I learned when I experienced the gospel, like a fresh revelation of the good news of Jesus, I learned that there's this thing called joyful repentance, right? Where my dad is like the prodigal son dad, where he's actually waiting with his running shoes on that front porch for me. And right when I turned, he's like, my boy, my boy just turned. He was in some pig slop and he's like, he's got that ring and a robe and he's sprinting for me. And so I'm not saying that we don't have a godly grief too, because there's this reality of, man, this is not who I am. What was that? I'm so much better than that. Right? But we go into, rather than when we screw up and fail, we, instead of going, I'm going to rub my face in the carpet. We go into, what am I doing? That's not me. And then we turn to the Lord and we, we remind ourselves, I'm so glad I'm forgiven. Lord, thank you that I'm forgiven. We just started speaking the reality of, Lord, I thank you that I'm forgiven, that my sin is not who I am. I don't take advantage of your forgiveness though. And I turn away from that. I don't want that. That's not who I am. Right? And we say, Lord, thank you. Thank you that you've made me fill in the blank. Right? And so then we can respond in failure rather than minimizing the failure. We can actually bring that failure to others around us. Right? And so I'll apologize when I screw up and I'm like snappy with my kids, I'll just say, hey, I just want to say that is not okay. What I just did. I want to say I'm so sorry. And I take, I accept responsibility for my part. Right? And sometimes too much apology, but I'd rather be on the humble side of, man, my dad was humble.
Josh Krehbiel (23:50.688) And it seemed like God's grace was on him because God gives grace to the humble. And I saw God's grace on my dad because he was humble. He'd apologize when he made a mistake. And that's the type of husband that I want for my girls. I want my girls to marry humble men that apologize. Right? I want my boy to turn into a humble man that carries the grace of God on him when he makes mistakes. I really believe that songwriters and worship leaders and artists are the most influential messengers oftentimes in the culture of what we're talking about when we're talking about the kingdom of heaven, but also the kingdom of the world, right? And it's film and video anyways. Man, I think that those came from our own stories as parents because we're struggling. We're in the valley with our kids struggling with fear, you know? And I remember one of my kids for multiple years struggling with fear and really the fear of mom and dad not coming home, mom and dad being killed in a car accident and some of that spawning from some other traumas that happened in their life. But it got to the point where you know when you've got fear, fear a lot of times doesn't rationally make sense. And it can be maddening as a parent when you're going, hey, honey, there's no monster in your room. There's no monster under your bed. Look, come here. Let's look under the bed. There's no monster. We're here. We're not leaving. We're here. Mom's here. Dad's here. We're not going anywhere. We're not going to leave you. We promise you we're not going to leave you. But that little soul is just not fully believing it because fear, they don't feel it. And I think that that's maddening. I'll just say it as a parent, sometimes when you're an adult resourced brain and then your child doesn't have an adult resourced brain and they're out of their thinking brain and into their feeling brains and their neuro pathways just for the last two years have been going, I'm gonna be alone. I'm gonna be left. I'm not gonna, you know,
Josh Krehbiel (26:18.146) Those types of neural pathways, there's only a certain, songs come out of those seasons. Songs come out of, this is what the truth is actually, right? And it tries your patience, it tries every part of you as a parent because it doesn't make sense. And I feel like so many nights where I just felt like, man, why am I so easily frustrated? What happened, I mean, full circle, is where we sang those songs, actually became, I remember we wrote those songs for Everyday Heroes Kids Camp. And we sowed those songs into Everyday Kids, but it took three years for those songs to actually become a reality in our children's lives. And sometimes you have to sing truth over yourself for years and you've got to be in the place where the Holy Spirit meets your kid in a way that you've been praying for for so many years and you're believing and they're wanting that and you're just, you're going to be the parent that never leaves. And then the Holy Spirit takes care of it and then it just becomes a past memory. Like I don't even, it just becomes a distant memory, all of the struggles on those nights.
Jeff Zaugg So these songs were written out of desperation, prayer, hoping for breakthrough. We're going to sing these promises. Other families are being seeded and blessed. And like my family maybe is experiencing breakthroughs from the lyrics of your songs. And they weren't on your home front for a year, two, three years later.
Josh Krehbiel I feel like that actually is a picture of a lot of dad breakthrough, family breakthrough, of can we just declare it and pray it and actually celebrate it in others before it happens.
Josh Krehbiel (28:15.148) You just stay present and you just love them. And you just show up again and love them and the Lord's gonna bring them through it. He's the good shepherd. He doesn't just lead us to the valley. He leads us through the valley. And I think that that's something that if I could tell myself a year and a half in that, hey, it's okay. This is going to be crock pot freedom. You know, it's not going to be microwave, but it's going to taste good when it wasn't something that you just tried to, like when you just tried to manhandle freedom doesn't happen through manhandling. It happens through long suffering love.
Jeff Zaugg Yeah, that principle alone, if I and the other dads listening could just have a broader pan out and have greater trust of just do the simple, do the press, like return home to the kids in the driveway shooting hoops. To, hey, like press in and like talk through these four principles that we opened up the conversation with.
Josh Krehbiel Yeah.
Jeff Zaugg The breakthroughs come when you stay in it. Yet all of social media culture, like the world says, it should be shorter, should be a shorter timeline. Breakthroughs should come quicker. And yeah, we got to eject from that stream and just know, yeah. I want to go back to you creating yourself as a C, saying I'm discouraged and I'm going to call, I'm going to text Jeff and say, I'm not going to do the recording because I'm hitting it average in so many areas. And then your daughters were roasting you and giving you a hard time, but encouraging you through it. Why? Why? What are a few reasons that you were giving yourself lower like, hey, I'm stumbling my way forward right now in the dad...
Josh Krehbiel Oh my goodness. You know, we just came off of a sabbatical as pastors and one of the primary goals was, okay, how can we just sow this sabbatical into family and want to come up with a plan for how we can lead our girls through a journey of womanhood and what does that look like and planning out, you know, going on monthly dates with my girls and just having plans intentionally to be with them. And school just started. It's just been a crazy couple months. There's house renovations. There's just like, we're back at work and there's a lot. And I think that what I'm feeling right now is I don't feel close to my kiddos, specifically my girls. Katie's bringing them to school. I'm not getting drive time the way I used to with them. There's night commitments. And so it's more so presence. I just feel like I'm not as present as I can be and I should be. And there's those ebbs and flows. And they're going, in my kids' minds, they're like, you're the best. But I feel the month, and I go, C.
Jeff Zaugg Right?
Josh Krehbiel And then you add that in light of that you just had two, three months of prayer and planning and pause as a family. And you probably are a harsher grade to yourself because you think, well, first month back into rhythms, I should be rocking.
Josh Krehbiel (31:46.466) Yeah, I should be rocking it. You know, I took them on a date last month, but it's like, am I going to take them on a date this month? And wow, we're looking at the calendar and then, and then I'm just ships. What is it? Ships in the night, you know, and missing each other.
Josh Krehbiel (32:06.038) And I think that's the most important thing is like, I just want to be connected. And I think they want that too, which I'm grateful for.
Jeff Zaugg What if, here with us today, if we had three or four young dads in the community here, some mutual friends who are like, we want to step in to call it the eight-year-old or 10-year-old, 12-year-old, so the season that you have taken three of your kids through, what are just, it's spilling out. It's like, these are a few of the things I'd want to pass on. Any of just top of mind either, hey, these are priorities to add some. We've talked about a few of them already, but anything else you're like, I would want them to pray into or thinking like these are things that matter.
Josh Krehbiel Yeah. Oh my goodness. Well, I think you got to play with your kids. I think playing with your kids is top priority. And that's what they're looking for. The girls are learning how a man cares for them in the play. The boy is learning what isn't violence and what's safe play, right? So I just go, I mean, if you've got kids from all the way two to nine, it's like, it's time to play. Right? And it's time to do activities with them. I'd say tuck in. You gotta show up for tuck in. You gotta show up for tuck in. You gotta read to them. You gotta tell them stories. And you gotta, I think developing physical connection with your kids, not just play, but my dad loves me physically. My dad
Josh Krehbiel (33:45.304) Gives me hugs, he'll hold on to me, he snuggles with me, my dad will give me a hug, because there's wiring of their brains that's happening as you hug them for longer than 30 seconds. There's these neurological things that hit them, right? There's also, as they're growing, you want to maintain that, hey, when you mess up, I'm your guy. So you start talking about those hard things that nobody ever talked to you about as a kid. Sexuality, money, it's just like all of it. You just go, man, well we gotta talk about that. This is fun actually. This is the most amazing thing. Sexuality, sex is incredible. And you start applying kingdom joy and fascination on those things that feel dicey for you as an adult. I would say in those early years, this is interesting to go after Jeff, cut out everything else. This is something that's interesting. I'd say there is a war on purity for men. I'd say in your early years, make sure that it's your top priority that you are pursuing purity as a father. I mean, it's just like before God. That's what we want in our marriages. That's what we want. But if you've got girls and if you've got sons, you want to be able to have the girls as they're growing and now they're becoming women and you want to have no traffic in your mind around them growing into women and not have any type of, hey, the last five years I've been objectifying women by consuming them. Right. But instead, you have compassion about that topic and you're sad and engraved by those that are being consumed through pornography and fill in the blank. And instead you've got this purity on you as a father. So then there's not even a question. It's like my girls are becoming beautiful young ladies. They're amazing. And I don't have any type of thought around
Josh Krehbiel (36:10.552) Their development as women because women are not objects to be consumed. And so I don't have any second guessing around me hugging them and embracing them and showing them physical affection and they feel that safety with me. But it's because there's been this, hey, that's not something that I don't go there. And I get to be walking in freedom in that area. Does that make sense? I think it's, and you get to start that young, if you haven't started that, it's like you want your son when he's a teenager to go, if that has been a struggle with you, you want to be able to go, bro, I've been there. I've struggled in that area and I've actually overcome. Right. And if you haven't had that struggle, then you're not surprised if they have that struggle. So then when they come and they say, hey, this is what I saw. This is what I'm struggling with. You go, well, that's, hey, man, I totally get it. And you're not shocked and surprised even if you didn't have the struggle. You know what I'm saying?
Jeff Zaugg First response, yeah. And then back to the conversation about the running shoes and the Heavenly Father, that right now, today, as dads all listening, this is a joyful turning and a leaving in the past. Like that story can be a story that's not your story anymore.
Josh Krehbiel There's a phrase that I chatted about on the podcast back a few months ago, and I've heard it time and time again in this community, but from your children's pastor specifically, Pastor Abby. I want to get to the rocking chair with love on my heart. And I actually don't even know where that, maybe there's another leader that brought that to this community, but that phrase, I just wanted you to share your heart around that concept of freedom and forgiveness.
Jeff Zaugg (37:59.038) And softness and tenderness so that dads can turn their hearts to their kids because there's so much love on their hearts that they're not, they're able to turn. And that's a prayer that I will ongoing just pray over myself and other dads. But how does that like, how does that stir you?
Josh Krehbiel Yes. I think Katie and I, you know, in prayer, I think that was a message that came to the surface for us. Lord, we want to get to the rocking chair. I want to be that old man that's so gray and white and kind of just my nose just grew 40 more years. My ears are long. They're tiny right now, but they'll get bigger, you know? And I want to get to that rocking chair and have my grandkids go, man, grandpa is so kind, you know, great grandchildren around, they sit on my lap and it feels like, great grandpa loves Jesus. You know, and I've got stories about him that are even recent, not just from many, many years ago. I've got stories of history where they, they, they're rocking with great grandpa and they're going, yeah, grandpa just loves me. Right. And the only way as, as I've watched my grandparents get older and older and dementia set in and things like that, what happens is you start getting, you can start getting angry in the old years, right? If you had these roots of unforgiveness and bitterness, it oftentimes turns into, I'm going to forget things because I've been trying to forget things for so many years, or it turns into anger and bitterness over the years. And nobody likes grumpy grandpa. Nobody, I don't want to be a grumpy grandpa. You don't want to be a grumpy grandpa, but the only way to not actually become a grumpy grandpa is through not villainizing people that have wronged us or villainizing whole groups of people and going, my hope is that I would have a tender heart. And it really just comes through forgiveness. I'm going to forgive my wife. I'm going to forgive my kids. I'm going to forgive my in-laws. I'm going to have, because
Josh Krehbiel (40:13.518) There are so many opportunities for bitterness and resentment in our lives. There's so many things that just go south. So many opportunities for me to just go, well, what the heck was that? What the heck was that, God? What the heck was that, honey? What the heck was that? You talked to me that way, right? Do you know how much I've done? You know, whatever it is, you fill in the blank, right? And it's a forgiveness journey to be a father and to be able to have a tender heart. And it's an expectation from the Lord that we would forgive those that wrong us.
Jeff Zaugg And we're laying your conversation with your 12-year-old son around reject passivity, accept responsibility. I think right between there, you're like, forgive quickly. Lead courageously, be fueled by the future. That directly connects with not 12 years old, 92 years old, having love on his heart. And the amount of lives touched is not like by your son alone. You'll raise a young man who leans into these things. It doesn't carry wounds, it doesn't carry bitterness and get crusty and old and angry. It truly is, that's how we bring more of heaven here.
Josh Krehbiel (41:37.134) Yes, I've begun to realize as I went through counseling, I've really learned that there's pain that we've got even like the topic of sexuality, topic of anger, feeling like a minimizing things or the shame. A lot of that has to do with I got pain from my past. I got pain from my childhood. I got pain from my family of origin. For sure. And being able to have God of compassion, just welcome Him into those places. I don't want to go there. I don't want to go down that road of my past and allowing the Lord to knock on those doors of our hearts. He's been knocking. I think some of us, we just kind of ignore it like, I don't want to go there. But the Lord's knocking on those doors because they're actually feeding the whole root system of weeds that we're seeing in our lives. The sexuality or the medication of that, you know, medicating pain with that. It's actually just because there's a whole root system underneath that. It's not actually about looking at porn, right? It's not about that topic. It's actually underneath the surface, there's a root system of pain. And the Lord's going, if you would let me in into that spot and you would let me comfort you and speak truth over you and replace lies with truth, you're going to encounter my love there. And now it becomes a garden rather than a situation. Right. And now you get tender in those places rather than defensive. And I think that that's been huge for me to realize. I want him to encounter me in those places and it creates tenderness. When I see my kids hitting up against things and I, and I respond with how I've experienced him. He's been the God of all comfort in places of pain. And now I get to release that comfort when my kids are in process.
Jeff Zaugg (43:42.188) This is where I want to invite you to kind of end our time with a prayer over the dads listening. And it's back to your son and saying that God showed me I don't want to watch this YouTube channel. There are dads already have felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit during this conversation about an area that God's nudging saying, hey, like, I love you and I have wholeness. I have more for you. I have a future that is good, and I'd just love to invite you to pray over all of us dads that we would listen and obey.
Josh Krehbiel Yes, come on. Yeah, Lord, I thank you for every dad that is listening right now. And Lord, I thank you that you know their name, you know their family system, you know how many kids they have, you know what their family is struggling through and going through. You know the valley that they're walking through right now. And Lord, I thank you that just like David didn't minimize the pain, didn't minimize the struggle, I asked that you give these men the grace to face the fullness of the brokenness that they're walking in or the difficulty that they're facing and just to go, yep, that's tough. And look at it and not minimize it. And Lord, I thank you for helping them to be like David in Psalm 73. They feel like a brute beast before you, but nevertheless, you're gonna hold their right hand and it's good for them to be near God. So I ask for a special grace on these dads to be near you in the valley, to be close to you in the struggle. And Lord, I thank you for faithfulness. Lord, I just declare over these men, these are the type of men that are gonna be long suffering, faithful fathers, fathers that just stick in the fight, they stay in the ring.
Josh Krehbiel (45:41.676) They walk through the valley and they've got a good shepherd that's holding their hand. So God, I ask that you would help them feel your nearness in this season, in Jesus' name, amen.
Jeff Zaugg (46:00.014) Thank you so much for joining us this week for episode 402 with Josh Krehbiel. All the conversation notes, the transcripts, the key quotes and action steps are going to be at dadawesome.org/podcast. And then just look for episode 402. I want to remind you one more time, the DadAwesome Accelerator. We have two more opportunities this fall. We'd love to invite you guys to prayerfully apply. And it's time sensitive because these will fill up. There's one that launches here just in a couple weeks. So I want to encourage you guys to go to dadawesome.org/coaching to learn more and prayerfully apply. Thank you for leaning in this week. Thank you for listening. Thank you for prayerfully choosing to have a bias towards action. That's who we are at DadAwesome. We are dads who listen, but instead of just ending with intent, we're going to take action. And I'm praying for you guys that you'll have one step forward, one area you put into action as you pursue the hearts of your kids who live as loved sons of God. Have a great week, guys.
-
"When failure happens we celebrate the vulnerability first because the most important thing is connection and felt safety."
"I want to get to the rocking chair with love on my heart and grandkids who say grandpa is kind."
"Freedom doesn't happen through manhandling it happens through long suffering love and staying present in the crock pot not microwave."
"Your kids don't feel safe because you think they're safe they feel safe when you celebrate their vulnerability over their performance."
"The war for purity as a father protects your ability to show physical affection with compassion instead of contamination."
Connect with DadAwesome
Learn about our Fathers for the Fatherless events in 2023:https://f4f.bike/
Follow@dadawesome on Instagram
Make a Donation to DadAwesome (tax-deductible)
Join the DadAwesome Prayer Team
Receive weekly encouragement by texting "dad" to 651-370-8618
