392 | From Soccer Fields to Soul Formation: Building Boys Into Men in Southeast Asia (Bryan Greenwood)
Episode Description
When you move your family halfway around the world to serve fatherless boys, you quickly discover that you're learning as much about fatherhood as you're teaching. In this episode, Bryan Greenwood shares 11 years of discoveries from Thailand—from building the largest amateur football league in Northern Thailand to creating government-approved mentorship programs for at-risk youth. You'll hear why your kids need to see you failing forward, how to train them in the way THEY should go (not the way you want them to go), and why showing up consistently matters more than having all the answers.
-
Bryan Greenwood is the founder of Outboundlife Inc, a ministry focused on assisting the fatherless through mentoring young men. For over 13 years, Bryan and his wife Valerie have lived in Northern Thailand, creating mentorship programs now integrated into the Thai Department of Probation system. Their work targets young men leaving orphanages, foster care, juvenile prison, and those at risk of human trafficking. They've built the largest amateur football league in Northern Thailand as a "fishing pond" for identifying young men who need fathering. Bryan and Valerie have two adult children and continue their mission of helping boys discover their identity, develop strength, find courage, and use their influence.
-
Train up your child in the way THEY should go, not the way you want them to go—this requires discovering their unique identity and strengths
Your kids need to see you failing forward and living with purpose beyond just being a great dad
Consistent presence matters more than perfect parenting—just showing up creates lasting impact
Create safe environments where your kids can respectfully disagree and engage in real dialogue
You'll never know who you are until you know who your Father is—this principle transforms both dads and kids
The four pillars of strong character: Identity (knowing who you are), Strength (putting gifts under pressure), Courage (living for others), and Influence (natural result of the first three)
-
Learn about the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort
Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
Bryan’s ministry: Outbound Life
-
keep learning everything I can. But don't let it become so inner-focused that you lose what you're called to do because your kids need to see you being able to press forward, otherwise they have no hope to press forward.
Welcome back to Dad Awesome. Today on episode 392, have Brian Greenwood joining me from Thailand. So it's been four and half years since we've had a guest on Dad Awesome from Thailand. Brian.
is the founder and leads Mission 300 and the outbound life. We'll talk about that mission, that ministry and his current chapter of fatherhood, what he's been learning. So many takeaways for all of us dads here. I want to quick remind you guys, we have two cohorts of the Dad Awesome Accelerator kicking off.
this coming fall. So we've got one kicking off in September, the other one kicking off in early November. And I want to invite you guys a six week sprint, everything we've learned in nearly eight years of Dad Awesome. We bring into these 10 dad cohorts. So there's only 10, about 10 dads in each cohort. We've now graduated 50 dads from five cohorts of this mission. And guys, I am so thankful and so hopeful for what God has been doing and is doing through
these six week sprints. So I want to invite you guys, go to dadawesome.org slash coaching to learn and reach out to us right in the show notes of this podcast. You can reach out through the email address, awesome at dadawesome.org. You can reach out with a voice message if you have any specific questions to ask. I am, it's high touch. I am prayerful and I am like available for any of your questions because I believe that every dad who says yes,
JEFF ZAUGG
to the Dad Awesome Accelerator, there is a significant pivot that's happened. There's so many stories. It's a significant trajectory changing six weeks, this cohort. So I wanna invite you guys in prayerfully join us this fall, but there's only 20 spots available. So let's jump in today. Again, Brian Greenwood, this conversation from around the globe. I'm so thankful for how he takes us into these themes of identity, strength, courage, influence.
and how he is deploying and just bringing God's heart around these areas to young men in Thailand. So today's conversation, this is episode 392 with Bryan Greenwood.
JEFF ZAUGG
Today on Dad Awesome, I've got Brian Greenwood joining me. And Brian, before we give away where you're at in the world and some other, I thought it'd be fun to start in with who, when, where, why, what. So I'm just gonna like fly over and we can take, we don't have to rush through. It doesn't have to be rapid fire, but who is Brian Greenwood? Like from even an angle of your daughter, your son, what they might say, the who about you or your wife or some good friends.
What are some of the things that we describe who is Brian?
Bryan Greenwood.
Brian is someone who regardless of what's happened will continue to fail forward. am... It's hard talking about yourself, isn't it? I am... I think part of my identity is search and rescue, but not in the sense of trying to bail people out rather than calling them what they are and helping them rise out. So I think that would be...
my two biggest thing and you could add adventure probably somewhere in there because somewhere in the journey we got to go do something that nobody's doing.
Yes, well, if you say, mean, to just to highlight two things. So someone who fails forward, failing forward, there's probably going to be risk and courage required and adventure if you're failing forward, right? If we're on the leaning out, I think the ski metaphors, you're out over your skis, right? Like it's like, here we go. And then the other piece, would you go a little deeper into that side, the search and rescue?
Speaker 2 (04:41.91)
Yeah. So I would say from all the experiences being involved with what we do, the best thing to see someone actually get rescued and to be found is when you find what they are and you let them rise up out of that, but you stay there with them. So you're not trying to get them out or to change the circumstances. You're helping them to become bigger than the mountain that they're facing. So when I think search and rescue,
That's what I put that perspective in.
Yeah, yeah. Well, we're thread back to both those themes for sure. Let's go from who to when. So what's the season of fatherhood? The when right now when it comes to the dad life and discoveries around being dad awesome. We don't interview anyone who has arrived at being dad awesome, but like the discovery. So what's the when? What's the when of your fatherhood season?
We are just transitioning, my older daughter's in college, and we are transitioning in two weeks my son to college. So we'll be coming the empty nesters with two kids and we'll talk more about why that's a little bit more challenging from our logistical situation. But that's the phase we're in. And guess what? I feel like we're just now learning how to be a parent.
So by grandparenting, we may be able to at least be comforting. No.
Speaker 1 (06:05.196)
No, it's so true. Like everyone that I asked that question around that pivot moment into empty nest or launching kids to college or career. It's like, it feels like that's where the learning just begins. At least many of them are like, no, it was actually the, this is the critical fatherhood season. It's this one, not the last one. And so I love that when it's game on, I'm gonna learn and press in versus release and let go. I'm no longer a dad because they're off in the world. No, it's not that.
That ties into the I'm on the East Coast time zone in the United States. Where are you in the world?
So if you were to drill in your backyard and go straight down on the other side of the planet, and guess what? It is round, because that's the only way that works. So we're in Thailand, northern part of Thailand, and we have been here for going on 11 years living here and working here for about 13 and a half years.
When was your first trip to come visit Connect? Was it 13 and a half? Was that the first trip or was there a trip before that?
Very first trip was 2002, 2003. 2003 was the first trip and then 2006 and then 2010 we made the decision this is what we're going to do.
Speaker 1 (07:17.454)
So context-wise then, your kids were, well, 12 years old. How old were they when you guys made the move?
So my daughter was, I keep trying to do the math on this. This is the problem with getting older. I believe my daughter was 11 and my son was eight in that eight and half when we were making that move.
The reason that question is significant is, you know, we made a move as a family, not nearly as, you know, 1500 miles, right? From Minnesota to Florida, not that significant like around the world, but our oldest is 11 and our second oldest is eight. And so the chapter of God nudging very, it's
very few dads in their career at this phase, in their fatherhood season, the school season, neighborhood, the church. Look, there's so many reasons that it's hard to make a big move at around the age of 40, you know, right? Or, you know, for me, it's a little older than that, that we made the move. What, I'd just love to ask, what prompted that that was a phase? What gave you and your wife courage to say, hey, this is it? Like, I'd just love to, and obviously we haven't even talked about what the ministry is yet, but talk to me a little bit about the decision framework at that.
season to make an international move.
Speaker 2 (08:32.044)
Yeah. So, and what I'll do is I'll just say it, and if you want me to highlight on it, then you just hit highlight button and we'll expand more. Once we made this decision and we kind of, knew the direction that we needed to go and not only just the direction, but the people and not just the people, the, the, the target within the people. it was, it became very focused. And when we knew that that's when it was like, okay, we could go. So after I did some preliminary prep, we came back and me and Valerie talked and we're like,
okay we need to do this big move, right? You got small kids. But you know, we did, we asked our kids. And so was one of those things we did partner with them. It's like, we need to make this move, but we need your buy-in on making this move. And you know, if God's calling you to something, we can trust He can work those other pieces out because they need to be in as well. Because it's gonna be hard. And if they're not, now you build resentment. And so I'll just tell you this real quick, my son,
My daughter was okay, but I do a lot of village work and city work, so we do both. And she only saw the pictures from the village. And so she assumed that's where she was moving to. So was kind of tech, she was willing, but it was really a fearful thing. And then when we got here, she never told us until we got here and she goes, we get to live here. Like we have a house, we have a neighborhood, we have...
You know, you can go ride your bike. You can do all those things. And so it kind of, that was an interesting framework. My son said, no, at first I don't want to move. And so he was at school. was going to a Christian school time, which is why this could be a conversation. And the teacher said, came to him and said, something, something came up that he said, my parents want us to move to Thailand, Thailand. And she goes, that's amazing being a missionary kid. You get to go and be a part.
That's amazing. you know, God puts those things in the path and it confirms. So he came home and said, okay, I'm ready. I can go. So we did make that decision, but we did, everybody had to be okay. Like we had to have something to hold together.
Speaker 1 (10:43.15)
That's so helpful and what a gift, yeah, to have that teacher. And for us, it was similar from our girls were very involved. We prayed, like seasons of like seeking God and writing down, is he confirming? Is like, what are the areas that are our hearts? Their hearts were saddened and we prayed into those areas and God one at a time. did lift, he lifted all of our gaze to having that direction. But then you said it drilled into a direction to a people and a community.
And that gets into our why. So we went from who, when, where, why. So what is your bigger why? And this I think will tie with a little bit of the mission, but yeah, tell us about your why.
would say the biggest why, well, it's actually the only why. When I discovered God as a Father, you know, we know God is God, you know, and you hear those terms, but when you see Him in the trenches with you, and at the point when you think you better get it all together, or it isn't gonna be good, pardon the gecko in the corner, you assume it's, you have to get things right, and then He'll come back and reparticipate.
And then you find he's actually standing there in the middle of the mess helping you walk down. That was the fathering side that I'm like, this just can't be real. Like this isn't. And so the more I understood him as a father, the more I understood the kids as a father. And then it started clicking of he cut. was sitting in a room and it was praying about what
We were in, I was in Thailand on a trip and we were working a different project, a children's home thing that we were doing, helping another ministry. And I said, God, there's just something, this isn't me, but it's important what's going on, but this isn't me. Who, what am I to any of this? And I think that's a very important question. Like what, what, what is my DNA to this that can actually add value? Right? We can do good things, but do they add value? And because otherwise we get lost our identity in
Speaker 2 (12:47.522)
the thing we're doing versus we have it so we're not self-conscious anymore, we can just go do it. And that was when the working with kids coming out of children's programs, there's a bunch of young boys coming out of the children's programs and there is so many children's homes here. And we could have a conversation about that for a long time of the goods and the bads of how that all works. But there's cultural things here, there's other dynamics that isn't just because the kids are at risk.
just all sorts of factors, but what happens is when the kids grow up in a children's home, most of the time, it's more of a feminine run thought process. Nothing wrong with that, thank God, thank God. Someone was willing to go do it, right? So this isn't a, this is good, this is bad, it's just the reality. So when we came in, we were seeing all these 15 year old boys and they were leaving. And kids without a father.
It is the number one statistical dynamic breakthrough and it isn't just America. It's in the prisons here in Thailand. It's in the probation system here. When the father's gone, the kids are in trouble. And it's not the girls so much, it's the boys. And so these kids were coming out. They're in a Christian home, right? And they're being taught Bible things. But now they have to go step back into their culture and try to find a job, try to find work.
And in a way, they became inoculated that the gospel really didn't have relevance except in that home. And they became worse than what they were before. So we began setting a program. How do we create a fathering environment where they could fail, where they can work hard, where they have to deal with themselves, where it's competitive and it's hard and you have to labor, but we're committed to you.
And so that's kind of where that evolved. But it all came from, it has to know God as a father. And I'll say this even with the why. Number one statement I say even when we're dealing with the probationers and going into the prison, Buddhist places, you have to know who you are. And you will never know who you are until you know who your father is. Now that creates this, you know, this whole, could hear the gasp in the air.
Speaker 2 (15:01.464)
But in time, it always brings them back that God wants to be your father. And it's amazing. It's just been a remarkable journey. But that's my why. That's it.
And with this being your why, but alongside of that why, you have a history of being a soccer coach, which this is an international cause where like the jerseys on the wall behind you, those are football jerseys, not soccer jerseys. That's right. football.
to use as one of the pieces of adventure, competition, encouragement, resilience, like to use football on the field, to have the vision of you have to know who your father is before you can step into your identity. And these young men coming from these children's homes, these orphanages, maybe having a understanding avers of who God in heaven is, but maybe they need someone to come alongside the next chapter. So you have this vision.
And I'd love to, as we move in from the why into the what, what you guys are currently like leading, could you take us in a little deeper to like what the program looks like and how over these years, 11, 12 years, yeah, what you've seen and learned from it.
Yeah, we put together a mentorship system and I'm just going to put the clause out there. I don't know the right way to build these systems. I just know this worked for this group and we see, I can give you principles, but I'm not sure all of it translates. The one thing that's been very interesting. Okay, let me go back to your answer your question. our what is we created a mentorship program.
Speaker 2 (16:36.14)
A number one focus is we have four main pillars. It's identity, strength, courage, and influence. So you have to know who you are. And that's a journey, by the way. mean, culturally, you're trying to show God as a father to a group of people that God isn't a, there's no such thing as a God. There's spirits, there's karma, there's, but God isn't an existing thing, as we would put it. So we have the, there's so much cultural context, which is why
We, in the process of putting this mentorship program, you have to know who you are, that's identity. You have strengths in you, but you're gonna have to put them to heavy resistance to get them used, right? So we always talk about, I got these strengths, I got these gifts. If you've never put it against something, you never get the value from the gift or the strength. So we put them into situations like there's more in you, and you push them, and all of sudden they discover there's something more.
Confidence comes and then the courage piece is all right. You live for yourself for so long. It's not about being brave It's not about like hang gliding I mean that there's an element to that but it's it's the the courage where you don't think about yourself You put yourself to offer your identity and strength for someone else. It could be your community It could be your mother. It could be your brother and sister It could be another one, but it's not about you And so it's that transition into that point and as a result influence happens
So you could take someone that is totally broken, mess, complete, as the world would say, this is garbage. And once they start seeing that, they become the influence point. So we see that transition and we can see this all over scripture too. So those are the kind of the main pillars that we did. But then the guys, so this is first starting, it's like, can we go do something else? Like we were doing hikes and we were doing challenges and stuff. And they said, can we put a team together? You have to understand Thailand.
there's not many things to go do. You can work, you can drink, you can play football, or you can work, drink, play football, or nothing. there's not this huge, it's not like being in the US. In US you could do basket weaving and probably pull something together. It wouldn't matter. So it's not the element. So we look at the football.
Speaker 2 (19:01.068)
And that just started growing. just, it kind of exploded on us. Well, then they wanted to go compete. Well, then we were putting them in these competitions. So let's just create the competition. So we got the guys that are in our program that aren't good at football, but love being around. They keep, they all stay together. Hey, you do the video, you do the camera. Hey, you're going to do the organ. And they, they built a business. I mean, they're not making money from it, but they built this business and infrastructure that they created the largest amateur football league in Northern Thailand. Like it's.
And I say they because I'm not smart enough, but you just kept pulling out of them. Like, hey, can we do this? Hey, can we grow this? So I called the football. Our, that is really our fishing pond. So, you know, you have a fish pond, you can't eat all the fish right away, but you kind of need them in one location. So when you're ready to bait them out or they're ready to eat, you can go get them. So that's our fishing pond. And then from that, we go and pick them. We just wait.
They're being patient. You'll find them. Hey, we got a heavy challenge to do and then we'll do this big fitness reading. They hate reading. They absolutely hate reading. Fitness challenge and reading. They got to make their bed. They got to do something for their community and they got to report every day. At the end of the week, they were getting a new pair of soccer cleats. So we budgeted out. could pick whatever pair they wanted. That was the prize. Only three could be in it. Now you're thinking, why are we limiting it? We found the harder we make it.
the more they wanted to do it. And they said that in the early days, hey, how come you guys don't like coming? You gotta make it harder. Okay, well, we'll make it harder. And so they started kind of teaching us actually what they're wanting. And so that's kind of our in-between. And then from there, you get to know them so personally. So we have one group right now that's in a gym and our staff's in there with them and I go with them. And that's when the conversation starts.
Hey, how do I know God? Well, they've been watching it. We talk about it from in every phase of this. And so that's kind of our staging of how we've done our mentorship side. And that's what we do in Thailand. So the government got involved probably about 12 years now. They saw what we were doing. And that's a whole amazing story too. You have to just whatever you want to pull out on anyway.
Speaker 1 (21:20.473)
Tell me what happened with the government. Yes, yes.
I don't want to say this. I know we're talking about dads, right? And this is about, these are all fatherless kids. They're all fatherless. mean, the stories will melt you in the moment you think you have trouble with your dad forgiving him. And I watched some of these guys forgive their dads for what they did. I mean, when a kid walks in, he has scars up and down his arms because he had to stand between his mom because his dad came at her with a knife.
and complete bitter hatred till after he started discovering who he was. And then he goes back and starts working with his dad. And I'm like, you haven't seen your dad in years. He goes, I've come to understand I experienced bad things, but what he experienced was far worse. And he forgave him. And I'm like, these aren't Brian teachings. I'm just going to say I'm no mastermind. I'm learning from these guys as fast as every day I go, wow, I just learned that today.
So I'm taking all this in, but watching them have a presence of someone that's always moving forward. And it was interesting, the one thing that they said, and this should be an encouragement for everybody that just wants to get involved in other people's lives. You don't have to do something of a big program. Show up at one of their events. Just show up. And they'll go, I have sat for thousands, I think I could probably calculate thousands of hours at this point.
You know how you can have the 10,000 hours until you become an expert? I've had the 10,000 hours of learning how to sit and watch all these games. And they don't necessarily want me to coach. They don't want me to teach. But when they're going down the field, they'll they'll glance up and they said, number one reason we like, like this program is you always show up. I haven't done anything. So the presence. And so there's something, wow, we can still learn so much about that. I don't even know the full dynamics of that, but.
Speaker 2 (23:13.944)
So anyway, that's what we formed. The government picked it up. So they have to go through our program in the Department of Probation Juvenile to get out. We're a Christian program, okay? Now, we're not, there is, you have to be somewhat culturally aware of how you communicate. We have a lot of Christianese that we use. But you know you could take every Bible story and parable and just reword it that, did you know 3,000 years ago there was this young man
and this messenger from God came and showed up and told himself, well they believe in angels, they believe in spirits, they believe in history. You can tell the whole story without being, I think we're more offensive not with Jesus, we're offensive with the way we term things expecting them to understand what we're saying. So you have to repack. And so we talk about all kingdom dynamics and it's been remarkable. It's been remarkable. Even
Anyway, I'll keep going. I'll pause for you to.
Well, I am like so inspired, encouraged, and like grateful for what God has been up to. You know, he's, we even prayed this before we record, like we're seeing such small slivers of what he's already put into motion. And, but the fact that you've seen, I've seen that some of these video clips of you sitting on the sideline, just like you talked about it. Yeah, I recognize that too. You weren't coaching, you were just cheering, you were just there.
But then this, as you described this like fish pond, like then there's a moment to invite into deeper and then there's a moment to invite into deeper. And now you're upstream though, is the government of Thailand saying anyone who's coming out of juvenile like trouble with the, know, whether it's jail or whether it's just somewhat they've gotten into trouble, they have to go through your program. Yes. What's the, what is the age range though? Usually the young men that you're connecting with and serving.
Speaker 2 (25:10.72)
I would say mostly between about 18, 24, but in some cases 15 to 24. And then we just launched some kind of a pre-mentorship program where it's a little bit different. And so that's ages eight to 15. And we're working with about five different schools and we run programs for them. And when I say a program, we're doing some kind of activity. just, being present. One thing you have, this is kind of interesting when we're talking about fathering.
And we kind of mentioned this a little bit earlier before we talk is like, all so learning this. I just dragged my kids to another part of the world. I don't know how this is gonna turn out for them. Yet I'm gonna go teach fathering. And I don't know how to father. So I think when we could step back going, okay, but God, obviously you've shown me something and you've given me, I can courageously step into these different arenas.
Show me what to do in each one and I trust you to make me aware of the other nuances that I may be overlooking. And so our kids need to see, they need to see their father have a purpose. This is the conversation, I'm sorry, I'm little sidelining, but I just think it's really important for everybody listening, especially dads. I want to be a great dad, but if I spend all my time mastering being a great dad, I will become very apathetic.
towards life because I'll never get there. never get, like, I will, what I mean by that is we will become so self-conscious of, gotta get this one right, that principle, I gotta get that one in there, this principle, I gotta get that one. I don't measure up. I need a special month to go to a special men's thing to learn how to be a good, and pretty soon you've taken your whole life and it becomes so self-focused versus,
God, I need a lot of things and I don't even know what I need till I hit that phase. Wait till your kids hit this age and then they hit this. You don't even know what you need. People could tell you what it's gonna be like, but it can be different. God, you know what I need at that point. Will you peel back the baggage and the lies that I believed in those moments and show me what the truth is so I need to walk? Cause you're gonna find new lies that you didn't even know were lies until you hit different phases of this journey. So I'm only saying,
Speaker 2 (27:30.496)
I keep learning everything I can, do keep learning. But don't let it become so inner focus that you lose what you're called to do because your kids need to see you being able to press forward otherwise they have no hope to press forward. And you could do both great.
And that, yeah, the deeper, think that almost ties with how you describe strength, courage, and influence. It's like from who I am, from knowing my identity, as I step into using my strength for others, living with courage, influence, you know, like if a dad doesn't lean outward in that way, and even the name of your ministry, right? Isn't it? It's outbound life, is that right? Outbound life, yes. And mission 300, this, like, hey, it's all out.
It's all others. And a dad who goes inward, it doesn't, isn't able to bring what your kids need.
We all have little things you discover, but if we will just sit with God, He'll tell you who He wants to be. He'll tell you what you are, and He'll tell you what you need to do. And He'll show you what the lie was that you believing. And so we can let that go, and we can start moving forward, and then God will father you into those next phases, and then guess what? You become a better father. And so those are the pieces. So I have to be.
because I'm not trying to say there is a time you need to stop and be introspective. I'm just saying when it's kind of like the law, we try to do it right to become righteous and we spend so much time, we become rigid, harsh, and we don't even do the thing right that we're trying to do, but if we say, okay, God, I need to do this, we father me into that, and all of a sudden he starts writing it into you and it becomes part of your DNA.
Speaker 1 (29:17.838)
A different. That's really helpful. The other, the last piece of the what, so we worked through this who, when, where, why, what is around what discoveries have you made? What dad-awesome discoveries? It just means observations, learnings from the dad life, right? From your own journey with your son and your daughter. But I'm thinking we maybe use identity, strength, courage, influence. Do I have those four right? Did I write those down correctly? Yeah, so maybe you just grab one of those for your son and one of those with your daughter of like,
Are there any discoveries that you've learned in the last handful of years that you would be willing to just kind of share with us that might be transferable to the other dads?
Speaker 2 (29:59.182)
first one is, I was just pondering this before we got on, this first kind of came to my head when I was praying about this, is the verse that says, up a child in the way he should go. And when he is old, he'll not depart from it. there's a, as I was pondering that, was kind of a, you you kind of know that verse, right? Train him up in the right way. But it says, train up a child in the way he should go. Which means, don't train them up in the way you want them to go. We don't train them up in the way I'm going.
We train them up in the way they should go, which means you have to stop and say, God, who is my child? And so that's a fun adventure. I get to figure out who you are now. God, how do I put them in the right way of what they are within their identity so they don't have to be externally motivated to do things in life? They will become internally motivated. And it starts shaping that piece.
If you do train them up in the way you want them to go, you will have to externally motivate, externally. I do not have to make, I never had to make my son go do his homework. I'll be honest, I never have. Now he's done like an online school, so it's harder. I have never gotten the message, your kid's not doing his homework. I have never had that. Because we failed forward, all right, we're learning. Think.
think Chris Voliton, there's a book of How to Raise Your Kids in Freedom and it really resonated because that's what God did with me. When God fathered me, he gave me this freedom to make some decisions and the more he trusted me, the more I wanted to give myself into that. But the things that I had to go do, I'd do it but I'm not really motivated to go do it. You understand the difference? And so when I read that, I was just really pondering, I'm like, man, that is so true.
If we find the identity of our kid, then we know what path is and they will stay to it.
Speaker 1 (31:58.296)
What are some examples of, with either your son or your daughter, like discovering part of their identity and then like fanning that flame?
So my son is a deep thinker. He's very interesting because he's very introverted and very extroverted at the same time. He gets out, he will go make friends and he is all in and he does whatever. He just pushes himself but then he's very much a thinker. And I could see that in him. And so like for instance when he was a kid he was playing mine, I think he was like nine, was playing Minecraft and he'll still tell you this day that this was one of the big changing points.
This came from God, guys. This is not like Brian's brilliant wisdom. It was just like, God, what do I do? Because I understand, but he can't just sit and play video games all day, right? Because that's the number one. But he just brought him to the other side of the world and he's still trying to find friends' pools and it's not like there's all these friends all over the place. And so he was playing one day and just like clicking through doing his Minecraft stuff and I stopped and said, okay, you get one hour to play. And you you get that look, that death look of like, you just sabotaged my life.
And I said, but if you want to build in Minecraft and you want to program in Minecraft, you can spend all day doing it as long as your schoolwork's done. And you come down and eat and you do whatever the family's doing. So he quit playing the game and would just program. And so he can sit for hours building something and he built this whole arcade game, this, the Adreno, all these boards, ordering all these chips.
I helped him build the cabinet. completely built a whole entire game system in an old fashioned arcade, has like all those old games on there and it took hours and his endurance to do that. And so I think like that was like one of those God, thank you Jesus moments that you got that right. But that was shaping him because he is, he loves engineering. He loves programming. He loves electrical building. And so
Speaker 2 (34:01.772)
You see that in him. so God was helping me see. And so that was a big one. My daughter, and as they're doing this, by the way, then I step back and go, God, give me the endurance. I can't sit there that long and do this. And it's almost like embarrassing. Like, God, so you start challenging yourself. Like, my son is out doing my thought process. And then God uses your kids to kind of push you forward. My daughter, she was getting ready to go for, was her last year before she was going to school, to university and getting ready to leave for the United States. And,
By the way, side note, as a parent, when you're trying to train your kids, you've raised them in a whole different culture and kingdom. And now you have to send them back to what's normal. Like, we understand it. But driving, you're not allowed to drive till you're 18 here, so they have to start that whole process. And now you're on the other side of the street. Like, it's a whole different world. So all these little things that are normal aren't normal for our kids. So it's like, God, I don't even know how to train them enough. Because they're going have to go.
learn so many new things and that's where it's like, but God's a good father and if they know God is a father, man, he'll help them. does. So, but my daughter, she came and she loves dance and she was getting her last year, getting ready to go off to school and she's got her, whatever these levels are in ballet and she was about ready to do, she just got a testing and she's about ready to go up one, but she wasn't going to be here for the final testing. So she's like, well, I...
I don't really like ballet anyway. I just did it just to keep strong at the other dance that I enjoy. So I think I'm just gonna quit the ballet. She goes, what do think? Well you can, you can. But, you know, there's something in you that if you don't go do this, I think you're gonna regret it. I think you're gonna regret it. You can, I mean I'm not gonna judge you, not judge, you know what I'm saying. I'm not gonna put a heavy on you. I'm not gonna make you go do it.
But I think you're going to be disappointed if you don't do it. So she just struggled through that whole thing. She gets to school. She didn't think she was good enough at dance. And she's going to this kind of a performing arts school in Alabama, Ministry of Performing Arts, and had this huge production that they were doing. And she's like, I'm not even going to try out. I'm just not good enough, I know. I think you should just go try out. Just go try. It doesn't matter, right? Because we fail forward. That's failing forward. Just go try. And dads, just try.
Speaker 2 (36:24.77)
If you're not good at sports and your kid wants to play a sport, go try with them. You know, they're gonna love it even if they get to laugh at you, because you tried. Just go get on that skateboard when you're 50 years old and just try to do it. They love it. But they want to see you're failing forward, right? You're teaching them that. So she gets to the dance program and she calls us back after the tryouts and there's like 100 people trying out for these different things.
got the number two spot, number two or number three spot. Like you're kidding, that's amazing. What did they do to pick it out? They go, they only had three people who knew ballet and they needed ballerinas. So we don't know, but I know who she is. So it's like, how do I, and doesn't God do that? You can make that choice. But I think you're gonna be disappointed with it. Like it's not, I'm gonna make you do it. It's how do I draw you into what God
is doing but give enough space and support and failing at that. So I think those little lessons, there's just so many.
Yes, this is so helpful. I want to just pause for a moment and pan out to, this was a conversation on episode 152. So this is a long time ago. This is like four and a half years ago. I interviewed one of the only other guests I've interviewed from Thailand. I asked him about the question, same question I'm gonna ask you, which is around what can we learn from fatherhood in Thailand? What can we learn from either the shadow side of like, oh, this is,
it's a hurtful or an area that they're missing. It's or an area of like, no, actually there's some discoveries here that like we could dads listening in the United States in this culture could actually learn and take away. So it could be from either side, but can you just give us a little framework for what you've observed, what you've learned in these dozen years you've lived there and anything that might be helpful for us that we can take away.
Speaker 2 (38:25.518)
I'm so glad you asked the question. You know, it's interesting we create that look of what is a good father. And a lot of times we westernize what that means. And I'm not saying those, because a lot of those things, you're living in a Western culture, so there's cultural things, there's Christian cultural things, and then there's Bible. And the three are not always harmonious. So this is very interesting, because when we came, that was one of our main purposes.
Is true?
Speaker 2 (38:53.43)
is if we're gonna show the model of a father, or at least creating environments of a father, we can't do bringing cultural, so God, how do I bring you as a model of a father? So for instance, culturally, especially the oldest boy. The oldest boy is responsible to take care of the family. Now if it's the oldest girl, she will be too, but if it's the oldest boy, our staff, all of our staff have been through our program, they've been with us for years.
So almost from the beginning. So Yo is running our program up in his village, doing an amazing job. He is responsible for the care of his mom and dad, his wife and his wife's grandmother and the parents. He's responsible for all that. Financially, he's responsible to take care of that whole thing. Now they make money too and they farm, but at end of the day,
If they need to put a roof on their house and they don't have enough, Yo is going to take care of that. So that's the expectation. So is that a good father putting that on the son to be the social system to take care of the family? That's an interesting question, right? I don't know, but the jury's still out. I'm still pondering part of that. We look at it as our parents are here to launch us into the future and we don't really look back.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:16.182)
So we kind of have a parenting strategy that launches them and hopes we have good relationship going on and grandkids, but we're kind of responsible for them. And so it's very interesting. And in Thailand, the father, you don't talk to your father. The father tells you things, but you don't question back. Even like a teacher, you don't question back. They tell you what it is, you don't question back. So the cultural social structure.
And so that's a very difficult thing. even in our program, so one thing that we instituted was teaching them how to argue with people over them. How do you disagree with me? Properly, respectfully. And so they will start teaching their kids. So that was kind of the bigger point. So they can engage a relationship, but it's a very weird world. It's very surface, very patriarchal on the surface. And it's very matriarchal driven on the inside.
It's very matriarchal. And so the mom makes all the decisions. The mom thinks for the kids. The mom thinks for everybody. And then you have this kind of surface external. So the father's kind of disengaged from the whole process. But then the father will show up and say, nope, this is who you're going to marry. And they have to. it's a very, the jury's out on what's there, but that's their norm.
So when you call God a good father, you have to bring the simplicities of life into that so they know what that looks like. Then they get it. Like, if you just break it down.
Brian, mean, one of my takeaways is to actually train versus just work it out like with my daughters and when I...
Speaker 1 (42:02.818)
give an instruction or give guidance or give coaching of like, is the game plan. This is where we're headed. I haven't actually coached out and practiced out with them. Well, what does it look like to actually, if you have a different perspective to push, not push back, but to respectfully share your thoughts or your follow-up questions or your clarifying questions. And it's, mean, I think our culture, it is pretty accepted that kids can like dialogue back to parents versus the way you're describing, but.
but actually training. This is how we see modeled in scripture obedience, but also respect and that God has put his, like you have an identity and you have strengths and you have like, so yeah, I just as a, and then maybe the second takeaway for me is thinking about the web of multi-generational family and thinking about the beauty of caring upwards.
versus a culture of like every family for themselves. And you got to figure it out. And we're operating in isolation. Like, no, it's actually praying to helping with decisions or at least lending, we're here to help in a greater degree, a closer connection multi-generationally. That's our prayer for our girls. But also we want to keep growing and strengthening those to our parents, my wife and I and our parents. So yeah, that's beautiful. just in some ways it's beautiful. In some ways it's like.
tragic what you described as far as the framework.
Yeah, you could see God principles in it and then you could see it. The Satan's abused everything. So it's just interesting getting them out. So back to the training point, you have to go back to God. How do you train me? So is it OK if I come and pour my heart out to you? Can I be angry at you sometimes? Right? Not blasphemous angry, not not dishonoring angry, but I'm angry.
Speaker 2 (43:51.79)
Can your kids come and say, dad, I'm really mad about this. Okay, but you have to allow that environment. what we did, we started it with training our staff. And this is, I won't go too long, but there's so many cultural nuances you have to grab ahold of to these dynast saving face and all this stuff. So when they get mad at you, they're mad and that's over, everything's gone. Or they think you're mad, they'll just leave. So I had to sit my staff down and say, listen, we're family, okay.
They all came out of children's homes. mean, that orphan spirit, they'll do, an orphan heart will do things to sabotage the relationship to prove that you're going to leave because they're expecting you to. So they just get it out of the way at the beginning. And when you don't, so for instance, we had a, I told the staff, here's the deal. With there's some exceptions to this, but in general, you're going to screw up on this job. You're going to make some bad decisions and I'm going to get mad.
It could be something I said don't do. And we're not talking to like, within a safety framework, there is some things that cross lines, but within that, you're gonna mess up and I'm gonna be mad. And here's the deal, I'm gonna get mad and you don't get to get fired. So when we get sit down, no one's getting fired, no one's getting their pay cut, and you're gonna listen. And then I wanna hear from you what's going on. And you have that freedom in that moment.
to share your thoughts and what's going on so we can start unpacking it. So in a way we did it where yes, I'm gonna deal with something, but we're removing those big, man, if I do something, they'll kick me out of the house. If I do this, they're gonna, this is gonna. So you have to remove all of that fear structure and it works. But now they don't come in in a complaint. They'll just call and say, hey, boss, you're wanting us to go do this and I just don't think it's a good idea. And I'm like, well, no, we can really do it.
No, you're really not understanding this isn't a good idea. Here's what's going on in that community. This is not, going to have a negative effect. And they're coming from, want to pursue, so they're not looking for ways to get out of doing things. And I'm like, well, all right, you're, okay. Then we got to cancel and we'll just have to shift and do something different. So that's what we were looking for is really more of how do we help pulse each other going on, but you have to create it from that framework. And I think it's the same with our kids too. If, if
Speaker 2 (46:14.958)
some things go bad, they're not getting shamed. They're not getting thrown out and their value doesn't go away. We're dealing with this action or this activity or this lie that you're believing so we can help unpack it, but you have to have the freedom to engage in that process. So that was kind of a, that's taken years. This is not an overnight night thing, but that's how God deals with us, right?
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:43.278)
Yeah, the gent is a gentleness. There's a, you're welcome here. Like this is my home is your home. You're not being tossed aside. And I was hoping we could just end with you challenging me and the other dads, listen, the dad awesome crew here with just a, you'll probably rapid fire in not a lot of time, but just take us one more time through a challenge around identity, strength, courage, influence, just kind of
thread through this is why going to deeper waters, this is why leaning in and searching out, God, what do you want to show me around these four? These are four themes that we could spend a 90 minute train on each of these easily, right? We could spend, we could unpack these so deep, but you just, one final charge around identity, strength, courage, influence for all of us dads.
Yep. So I'm going to do the influence side. being around men like this and Jeff, the people that you've put together and how you've created a system of support, rather than looking for every detail that they're doing, be inspired. Take what God's speaking to you and let it become your DNA and become inspired about it. And I'm just going to leave you with, we missed this character in the Bible. When Joe Ash saw Gideon,
tear down the idols. Well, he woke up the morning and the idols were gone, the bull was gone, all this, and there's amazing story in this whole thing. I think we need to be encouraged as dads because there's so many issues that dads have had to face. could have been in a divorce, you could be in military and deployed, and now you're trying to be a good dad, but you're gone for six months while I'm failing as a dad. I am fully convinced that if you'll just step back in and just be dad, your kids will get exactly what they need to be what they're called to be.
Because God put him in your family. And even though there's problems that they see you stepping back and going forward versus feeling the guilt and the shame and trying to overcompensate or undercompensate or checking out, just be present when you're present and trust God will do that because what happened is when Gideon stepped into his place, his father changed and renamed him who he really was. And he basically said, I dare bail to deal with him.
Speaker 2 (49:03.064)
He changed from teaching him about Baal and how God's abandoned us and all that and Gideon had to shake all that off. So when you're around people that shake it off, be inspired and start right there. And it says, the enemy said he's Gideon, the son of Joash. Without Joash, there was no Gideon's armies. So take the inspiration from right this moment that you could be a good dad right now and you'll meet everything that you need for your kids right now and just see him differently.
Who are they? I missed it. Get over the guilt. Repent. Get over the guilt. Change your mind. And say, okay, I see it. I'm going all in. And it'll make the difference.
Brian, would you say a short prayer over all of us dads?
Sure. Father, I just thank you that you are such a good father. Father, I thank you that you're faithful, you teach us, and I just pray over each of the men that are listening. There's so many dynamics, there's worries, there's concerns, there's histories, there's baggage, there's all this stuff, there's their fathers and the fear of doing it wrong. God, you've never been afraid. And you've trusted us with your Son adopting us, making us sons, therefore we have everything that we need.
to move forward. trust that we will learn to forget what was yesterday and step presently into today knowing that you are faithful right now. In Jesus'
Speaker 1 (50:29.09)
Thank you so much for joining us for episode 392 with Brian Greenwood. The conversation links, the notes, the quotes, the transcripts, all of that's gonna be found at dadawesome.org slash podcast. And as I mentioned in the intro, we are prayerfully inviting you guys to jump in and join one of our fall cohorts of the Dad Awesome Accelerator, this six week sprint, unpacking a journey of the six core discoveries we've made.
from nearly eight years of this ministry. So I wanna invite you to go to dadawesome.org slash coaching to learn more about that.
Guys, thanks for being dads who have a bias towards action. Let's not have intent. Let's not settle with thinking differently about fatherhood. Let's be a different dad. Let's take one thing and sometimes actually going to the show notes, looking in your podcast app or hopping over to the podcast page, prayerfully say, God, what's one thing I can calibrate? I can change, I can press in, I can turn towards my kids, I can add a new rhythm, something.
Let's not just listen, let's take action. I'm for you guys and praying for you. Have a great week.
-
"You will never know who you are until you know who your father is."
"Train up a child in the way he should go. Which means, don't train them up in the way you want them to go... You have to stop and say, God, who is my child?"
"If I spend all my time mastering being a great dad, I will become very apathetic towards life because I'll never get there... Your kids need to see you being able to press forward, otherwise they have no hope to press forward."
"The number one reason we like this program is you always show up. I haven't done anything. So the presence."
"I am fully convinced that if you'll just step back in and just be dad, your kids will get exactly what they need to be what they're called to be. Because God put him in your family."
Connect with DadAwesome
Learn about our Fathers for the Fatherless events in 2023:https://f4f.bike/
Follow@dadawesome on Instagram
Make a Donation to DadAwesome (tax-deductible)
Join the DadAwesome Prayer Team
Receive weekly encouragement by texting "dad" to 651-370-8618