It was not all rainbows and unicorns. We didn't know how to be married. We didn't know how to communicate with each other. We didn't know how to make our relationship a priority. We didn't know how to juggle being parents and being spouses. We didn't know to be each other's lover and truly in those moments with one another. We still don't know. We're still learning and growing.

"When we're feeling stuck, think sailboat, not speedboat. What if the wind is just not blowing? What if this is the time to learn and to be humble and to say, what can I take away from this versus a pointing at all the things that are wrong? What can I experience now that will help me be the dad that my kids need me to be?"

There's greatness in you. There's amazing potential in you that you probably have not tapped and that God wants to tap. And he often uses our weaknesses. And that's where we're, you know, his strength shines through our weaknesses.

Trauma passes down through generations until someone has the courage to feel it. It's going to continue to pass down through generations until someone has the courage to feel it and to face it into and to process it. Let us be those dads.

We are our best father when we have our best brothers with us. And so we need those guys and those are the guys that you came in and went rafting with, you know, with me... Those are those guys in my life and we need our brothers. But then also sometimes we need someone else who's on the outside who's got some training is a professional in some ways to come along side to create a safe space for a child to unfold.

How we deal with the hurt and wounds of our own father's failures, determines our ability to be good fathers and mothers to our own children.

So know that if you're in a hard season right now, just keep the course, stay the course, stay. ...do not grow weary in well doing. But at the proper time You receive a harvest if you do not give up. So that's the word that I give to you dads as well. It can be tough right now, but keep doing things that you know are going to lead to the end that you want in your marriage and your fatherhood and your business, whatever it is, and trust that that harvest will come at some point.

Living intentionally in the same direction over an extended period of time will have a greater impact on your children than anything you could possibly say.

Pablo talks through steps to healing and restoration: (1) Invite Jesus into the place in our hearts where we feel wronged, where life is unfair.... (2) Renounce the lie that life is up to me, that I will need to fight every battle because no one else will do it for me (3) Ask What is the truth?

"And part of the recovery of their heart is to recognize their need for adventure and and and and how adventure makes a man come come alive. We believe that men shouldn't be tamed, but should be given permission to be themselves and live with passion and live with freedom ."

You might not know what to do. You might say some things wrong, but do not bail. Don't walk away, don't ignore the issue... Don't abdicate the responsibility of being a parent to the culture. You're the parent. God put you in that role for a reason and you might not know the exact thing to say or do.... but got to be there. You got to be present.

"So if I've got an anger issue, but I'm not seeing it. Will I have enough humility so. Will I have enough strength, Jeff, to ask somebody, 'Hey, will you help me see some things in my life?' See it's a person of strength who's willing to admit I've got an anger problem or I've got a spending problem. People of weakness, will never admit they have an issue."

"You pass on who you are more than what you know you want to be the whole, the most whole, healed, healthy in every sense of the word, man that you can pass on."

How we deal with the hurt and wounds of our own father's failures, determines our ability to be good fathers and mothers to our own children.

And just because you may not have the skills that another brother may have or, the abilities that someone else may have, understand that you, your value is not based off of what you do. It's based off of whose you are, you belong to the Father and your value is rooted in that. Stand confident in that understand you have something to offer your kids. You have something to offer your spouse. You have something to offer your church. You have something to offer this world and walk in your gifts and let other people do the things that you're not so gifted in and celebrate them in it as well."

So as I'm guarding the doors of my kids' hearts, and I'm teaching them to guard the doors of their hearts, I'm asking questions like this, 'What spirit is this entertaining?' Teach them to ask, 'what spirit is this elevating? What spirit is this welcoming?' Because if this is a door, I get to decide who I host, who I invite, who I welcome and who I host. And everything is entertaining to some spirit.

How to raise a kid who loves Jesus? Nightly rituals, helping them find mentors and live in community, and falling in love with God's church.

Ted Lowe is a speaker, an author, and the director of MarriedPeople, the marriage division at The reThink Group (also known as Orange), a non-profit organization devoted to influencing those who influence the next generation.