431 | JOY BOMBS đź’Ł, Nothing Is Lost, & the Interstellar Scene That Rewired a Dad (Daniel Chestnut)

Identity & Living as Sons of GodAdventure & Creating Memorable Moments
Written By Jeff Zaugg

Episode Description

There's a moment in Interstellar where Matthew McConaughey sits down and watches 25 years of video messages from the kids he left behind. Daniel Chestnut drove home from that movie snot-crying, climbed into bed next to his sleeping two-year-old, and asked God a simple question: why is this wrecking me? What he heard back changed the way he has fathered for the last decade. In this conversation, Daniel shares listening prayer with your kids, why vulnerability is actually strength, how to play the long game with a 14-year-old, and the truth that's rescuing him in every transition: nothing is lost.

  • Daniel Chestnut is a filmmaker, storyteller, and the founder of Process Creative. He and his wife Katie live in Southern California with their 14-year-old son Brooklyn. Daniel has spent years helping people tell their stories on film and is part of the Pursuit Beach Fitness men's discipleship community. He writes about fatherhood, faith, and becoming on his Substack.

    • Ask God for a word or theme for the year, and invite your kids into the same practice. Take the pressure off of timing.

    • When a movie, a song, or a moment wrecks you, pay attention. It's a knock on the door of your heart.

    • Spend your 30s becoming the kind of man who can be entrusted with more, instead of building a future your family won't want to share with you.

    • Cultivate access to your kid's heart. Delight in what they delight in. Talk over sushi or on the drive, not across the couch.

    • Nothing is lost. Every missed moment, every transition, every thing you wish you could get back is being restored.

  • Intro

    Jeff: Welcome back to DadAwesome. Guys, my name is Jeff Zaugg, and today, episode 431, Daniel Chestnut coming at you. He is a filmmaker, he's a father, husband, friend. He's been a part of this Pursuit Beach Fitness men's discipleship group out in Southern California for about a decade. I lead a local chapter here in Northeast Florida of the same ministry. Daniel and I have had a unique set of run-ins across the country over the last six, seven years. So this has been a long time coming, this conversation. Really grateful.


    Let me quickly introduce you guys to two action steps. The first is joining the Mom Awesome Challenge — a daily text message that will give you specific activation around loving, serving, praying for, and pursuing your wife in the 10 days leading up to Mother's Day. Kicking off May 1st. All you have to do is text the number 651-370-8618. Text the word "mom" to be a part of this daily challenge.


    The second invitation is our prayer team. DadAwesome has a twice-a-week prayer gathering — 20 minutes, super simple, no pressure. It's open to any of you in our community. We pray for one another and I bring a theme to kick off the week. Mondays at 6:40 a.m. Central, and Fridays at noon Central. If you want to be in the loop, text the word "pray" to 651-370-8618.


    Okay, this is my conversation. I've been looking forward to sharing this for a while, and guys, make sure you at some point pause and go listen to the soundtrack of the movie Interstellar. Just a little nudge. Listen to that soundtrack at some point. We're going to talk about it in the conversation. This is episode 431 with Daniel Chestnut.


    Conversation

    Jeff: Daniel, I've been looking forward to this conversation for a while — like a number of years. I have a sticker on my desk. Do you recognize this sticker?


    Daniel: It's the Joy Bomb! Of course. I have those littered all over the place.


    Jeff: Is it true you talk about your son as the Joy Boy? Did I hear this correct? That you talk about your son carrying joy?


    Daniel: Yeah, absolutely, Jeff.


    Jeff: I love that. In our conversations, we've talked about how we care deeply — a couple of imperfect dads who care deeply about this assignment from heaven of being dads. So I've been looking forward to this. Do you remember, it's okay if you don't, when the first time we met was?


    Daniel: I was just telling Katie, my wife, yesterday that we were gonna talk today. She was like, "Who's Jeff again?" And I'm like, okay, the interactions we've had — the first one was at Pablo Seron's house. I think you were on your way out the door as I was showing up to hang with him. That was the first interaction we'd ever met. Then cut to — I'm shooting with Bob Goff. In Bob fashion, you show up to hang out and spend time with Bob on his breaks while we're filming.


    Jeff: We were laying in a horse pasture — laying in the soft grass in front of the barn, just connecting. And you were in charge of the shoot.


    Daniel: Yeah, little seven-minute windows of Bob's breaks. He'd booked time with Jeff to hang out. And then now we've been on the beach together and we've done more life together. It's really funny how these little interactions have happened. And here we are.


    Jeff: It was the most accidental — because of people we both love and respect. The third one, on Seal Beach after a game of Ultimate Frisbee, there were 40 guys. You reminded me, "Do you remember when we met at Pablo's or at Bob's?" And I was like, this is a crazy world — from Colorado to Southern California to Seal Beach. The reason I bring that up is I pray often for dads that we would be open to the unexpected. The threshold of where we're at today, there could be a moment that steers us in a different direction than expected, or a new relationship, or a new insight. You've been one of these relationships that I've been grateful for. I just want to in advance say thank you for showing up in all these places, and for your kindness and the joy you brought in those moments.


    Daniel: Thank you, Jeff. That means a lot.


    Jeff: So talk to us about your current chapter of fatherhood. How old's your son now?


    Daniel: My son is 14 years old, which is blowing my mind. He's finishing up eighth grade this year. He's going to be entering high school — big years, big chapters. We do this at the start and the end of every year: what's God stirring in you as far as a theme? We do some listening prayer. And what came up for him was transition. He is aware to describe his season. He's aware that there are major things changing in his life. He is becoming a young man. The boy is alive and well and there and thriving, but there's these parts of him that are emerging. I'm really proud of him — entering transitions out of middle school and into high school, figuring out what he really enjoys to do, honing in on relationships.


    Jeff: How long have you been praying into a word or theme for the year with your son?


    Daniel: Probably his whole life. Once he can actually participate in that, it's probably been six, eight years. That's been huge for him. He gets names, he gets words for the year.


    Jeff: Describe a little more what listening prayer looks like — hearing from the Holy Spirit.


    Daniel: I encourage guys to do this all the time as a rhythm. Most men jump to goal setting for the year — or "Who do you want to become?" Those are good. We need those. But there's another part: inviting God out of curiosity. What do you see for my year? What are you inviting me into? I'm always surprised. It's usually not the words I'm thinking it will be. Same with Brooks — my son Brooklyn, I call him Brooks. It's never what you would write down. I'd write down "warrior" or "strong." Actually this year is "strong and courageous," so that's ironic. But inviting God and asking the question: I give you this year. I release all preconceived notions I have about the year, all my expectations, all of my hopes, and I invite you to speak. What is a theme or a word or a verse or a picture or a name that you're inviting me into? For me, it never makes sense in the moment. It makes sense six, eight, 10 months into the year. It becomes context for the things that are going on on a heart level.


    Jeff: Some of us feel intimidated by the idea of asking, listening, imagining what God might say. One soft nudge is to be gentle with yourself as you're praying — gentle and playful and curious versus all this pressure to get the right answer. What if I get it wrong? Sometimes I'll fill a desk or the floor with Post-it notes — maybe this, maybe this, maybe God's saying this. Then I'm paying attention to where my heart is drawn. Give us some other ideas to lower the pressure and increase the anticipation.


    Daniel: The pressure you need to take off is time. I'm a big seasons guy — the end of something and the beginning of something. I want to mark it. So I put a lot of expectation on the new year, new word. When I put that amount of pressure on the importance of it, I never hear clearly. This year, it was mid-February before I actually heard something I was like, "That sounds true. That sounds like it's you, God." Take the pressure off of time. If it's March, April, June — it doesn't matter. The point is curiosity and the invitation into more. If it's not one word and it's 10 words, there's no rules to it. My mentor, John Eldredge, has taught that the point is practice. It is actually a learned skill and it takes time. Conversation takes time. Relationship takes time.


    Jeff: Since you bring up John Eldredge, I'm thinking about a memory of walking on frozen, three feet of snow with a crusty top layer. I'm walking while listening to Walking with God. Once in a while I'm dropping through, and it's hard work to get back up on top of the crusty snow — no snowshoes. That book is a resource — not intimidating, but builds anticipation and delight. Even the phrase "walking with God" — I don't think Adam and Eve felt any pressure walking with God in the garden. It was part of who they were. Any other resources around hearing God's voice?


    Daniel: That would be the one I would suggest. That one opened my eyes. But I'll say — start with the most basic question and the most basic need in the world: "Would you show me how much you love me? Would you speak to me about how much you love me? Would you show me what you think of me as a man? What you think of me as a dad?" How you can hone to discern the voice of God: if it's loving and kind and true and not the way you talk about yourself or think about yourself, you're likely hearing from God.


    The thing that unlocked me, Jeff — if God's design was for intimacy with us, and me agreeing with what I'm hearing draws me nearer to Him, then let's go. I'll sign a contract with that. If I'm resistant to what I'm hearing, pulling away from what I'm hearing, questioning what I'm hearing, then I'm naturally keeping myself separate from God, who designed me for intimacy and love and connection. The faster I say yes, the faster I agree with what I'm hearing to be true, the closer I am to the heart of God, and the easier I can hear. It's just true.


    Jeff: This morning I was listening to Hans Zimmer, who did the score for Interstellar. It was your recommendation from your Substack post. I've got it stuck on a loop. This story you shared — I'm aware of it, our listeners aren't yet — about what happened that stirred up such emotion around time. Would you share what happened, and how it's been flipped a little bit in the last decade?


    Daniel: One quick anecdote, which is fascinating. The theme from Interstellar — listeners, if you haven't seen the film or listened to it, go. The way Hans Zimmer came up with that composition: Christopher Nolan told him, didn't tell him the plot. All he said to Hans Zimmer was, "Can you write me a theme of fathers and sons?" That's it. "I'm working on a film. Write me a theme that pulls up the feelings and emotions between a father and a son." The score you listen to in Interstellar is that.


    I had an encounter that radically changed my life around the theme of time. My son Brooklyn was right around two and a half, three years old. Katie and I had Brooklyn within our first year of marriage. Total surprise. Life happened really quickly. I was 21, 22 at the time. And it was so wonderful — the best, best, best possible thing in my life.


    At the same time, I started our business, Process Creative. It was an incredible season — the same month I have my son is the same month I formed my business. But there was this massive tension between what felt like the most important thing was at odds with the most important thing. How can these both be true at the same time? Work for me was really exciting. We were doing rad projects. A lot of it was travel-related. And yet I have this little guy at home who I just want to be with. I want to watch every moment.


    I'm a feeler guy. I would do these projects and have to leave him. Fly a week away, two weeks away. I loved the work — it was fulfilling, it was exciting, we were making money. All good things. Nothing wrong with it. But I'd come home. We know what it's like to have a one-year-old, a two-year-old — these precious moments seem to be passing. I'd get back and be like, "Whoa, when did tummy time start happening? He's sitting up. What? Now he's eating solids." It wasn't that I missed everything. I was very much there. But I had the hardest time being anywhere else present, and present at home.


    Interstellar is in my top three favorite movies, but I can't watch it. I'm very careful to watch my favorite movies because they've all done something so deeply to me that I'm careful about when to open that door again. Opening night, Interstellar — I went with a group of my buddies to IMAX, but I drove alone. There's a scene where they have to go to this planet where time works a lot different than time does at home. Some things go wrong. What was meant to be a couple minutes on this planet ended up being a couple hours, which equated to 25 years on earth. Matthew McConaughey's character gets back to the spaceship. They have the video messages between home and where they are. He sits down and watches 25 years of video messages from his kids, and the camera just holds on him while McConaughey is giving the performance of a lifetime. I don't think it was a performance — I think he was dealing with exactly what I was dealing with. Is this my story?


    He sits there and weeps. I'm in my chair, messed up — not sobbing, but that knot in my throat where I'm like, "I'm not well here." I leave the movie deeply moved, get into my car, and I'm just undone. I'm driving home, snot-crying, can't stop. Walk inside, contain myself. It's late at night. Little Brooklyn is asleep in his crib next door. I get in bed.


    I've learned to pay attention when things move you like this. Listen. When things bring you overwhelming joy — why? Ask why. When things mess you up and a song makes you cry or a movie makes you cry, it's a knock on the door of your heart begging you to pay attention because it's poking at something in your story.


    I asked the Father the question. I get in bed and I'm like, "Jesus, what is going on? Why am I so messed up by this movie?" And I pause and I hear so clearly in my heart — not audibly — "This is your greatest fear. This is your greatest fear: that you would make a choice and lose your life. That you would say yes to something and lose the most important things in your life." I'm like, "Yep. This is my greatest fear." And I've got my little guy in the room next to me.


    Then I hear God say something really profound. He's like, "What you don't realize is I made time. I created time. And I can make time work for you. For you. Not against you. I can actually make it work for you." And it was like — oh. Oh. Really? Really? It was so profoundly healing. "You made time. You can make time work for me." I asked the follow-up: "How?" And I just heard, "All you have to do is be present. Be where you are. Be right where you are. Be all in."


    It shifted everything. One of the gnarly things in that season: Katie and I had lost three babies after Brooklyn was born. We miscarried three babies after Brooklyn. This was right in that season of loss and grief and pain. What that did to me was make me a really intentional, present dad. But what I didn't realize is that presence and intentionality was rooted in a fear of loss. It was rooted in a fear of, "This is it. This is all you get. You don't get another chance at this." It was all fear.


    Jeff: My heart goes to scarcity thinking. They are getting older, so naturally we think with scarcity around time and presence. And God fathers with abundance. He fathers us with abundance. Because He's our Heavenly Father, we get the gift of abundance instead of scarcity.


    Daniel: Yeah. The major shift for me was, nothing crazy changed in my life. I kept doing the things I was doing. I kept living the way I was living. But my "why" shifted massively — from "What am I building?" to "Who am I becoming?"


    Jeff: I've heard you speak about direct takeaways from Morgan Snyder. I'm so grateful — my most recommended book is Morgan's book, Becoming a King. But the idea of being a builder — I think God put that into every dad. We are builders. But there's a priority ranking on what I build. I get to build friendships. I get to build businesses, steward my time and career. I get to build marriage and build into my kids. But what's upstream? What is the most important thing He wants to build?


    Daniel: My whole heart. Me. And then out of the overflow of all of that, I can leak into all of these things. That was the major shift with Morgan. I can literally put myself in the room when we were talking. He was like, "Most men spend the decade of their 30s" — I was in my mid-20s at this point, grace to be in my mid-20s hearing this — "building something. Building the bank account, building the thing, so that when they hit their 40s they can downshift and spend more time with the family. You know what I hear from all those guys? By the time they hit their 40s, their kids don't know them. Most of them don't want to be around dad. Their wife is distant. So they've built and worked so hard to create a future that they didn't build the foundation to enjoy."


    I'm like, man, that is such a cunning twist of the enemy — to come in and say "build, build, build for this future," even if the motive is good. And Morgan goes, "What if we flip that upside down? What would it look like to spend the next decade becoming the kind of person that can be entrusted with more in 10 years?" It undid me. It's been the greatest rescue of my life. I have a successful business. We do great work. But my son, 14 years old — we have a more successful relationship than I do a business. 100%. That's the gold.


    Jeff: That's what we celebrate. It's the greater yes. When your son thinks of the name of your business — Process Creative — what would he say about the word "process"?


    Daniel: I haven't asked him. That would be a great question to ask him. But he would likely say something like, "Everything is a process. Life is a process." I'm a storyteller. When you break apart the pieces of a story, you see it as a process of becoming. He would probably say, "Well, Dad, you tell stories, and stories are kind of like a process."


    Jeff: The reason I asked through that lens — surfing for me is a process. People ask, "How was your surf today?" I'm like, "I was in the water, salty. I worked hard and it was joy" — versus, "How many waves did I catch?" I think it's a good metaphor for fatherhood and for building that decade of becoming the kind of man that can steward the calling. It's a process. We get to treat that with abundance. We get to be a little bit of a kid, versus having a 10-point checklist, strategic plan for the decade. The word "process" is kind. I need that.


    Daniel: Yes. Surfing is a process. Everything is a process.


    Jeff: Let me dial into surfing for a second with you and Brooks. How have you managed the tension between encouraging him to take a little more courage, try bigger waves — because my daughter's 12 and we surf together, and we've had moments of, "This is a little bigger than I thought it was gonna be." How have you managed the encouraging to take risks versus just have fun and enjoy the process?


    Daniel: Great question. Another Morgan principle: delayed gratification. I'm playing the long game with my son in every category. Surfing is really relevant. Since I introduced him to the water when he was a little guy, my goal has been for him to choose and love this thing — whatever that looks like — because it's really important in my life and I want to share it with him.


    The tension between pushing, especially when he was younger — the point was joy. It was not risk at all. The point was joy so he could enjoy it, engage with it, look at it as something he'd want. We'd celebrate one wave, go get ice cream. We snowboard a lot too — I had a pocket full of Skittles. Every run he'd get a Skittle. Bring the joy into it.


    Now at 14, risk is entering the story. What I'm having to remind him is, "You're safe in the ocean. You know how to swim. You're a strong paddler. You know how to take off on waves. It's all in your head." My brother and I always say, when you get in the water, if it's big and scary, take the first wave you can take as soon as possible to get over that. Because the longer it takes for you to get a wave, the bigger the fear is in your mind. "You actually have the entire foundation you need to not be concerned here. The only thing in the way is the risk of taking off on your first wave. So get out there and take off on your first wave."


    But I don't want to lose the joy. If he's not into it — he hasn't surfed in a few weeks because he's just not excited to right now — that's fine. Long game. Long game.


    Jeff: I have a story I've never shared before. Have you seen the film of the Bucket List Family teaching their little guy how to swim?


    Daniel: I haven't. I've seen some of their stuff.


    Jeff: I taught my first three daughters to swim on the surface of the water. Little tickle, T-touch, little hand on their back, chin down — all the little tips. Taught them to swim. But all of it was surface of the water. There's not a lot of joy with teaching a kid on the surface because it's just, "Stay afloat, work hard."


    Daniel: Yes. Try not to drown.


    Jeff: We followed the Bucket List Family's tips and got little goggles for our two-year-old — our youngest. We taught her to swim at the bottom of the pool. They have a whole strategy — I'll link the video in the show notes. It'll make you cry. Little breaths, and then so much fun coming up to the surface. My daughter was able to give me a tell when she wanted to go up, I'd get her right up to the surface, and we'd celebrate. We learned at the bottom of the pool. She could swim from bottom to side to side of the whole pool as a two-year-old, and it was always so calm, because she always knew, "I can swim to the side and grab on." There was no need to hustle. For this topic we're on — process, kind gentleness, abundance — it is such a better way to teach a kid to swim, at the bottom of the pool versus thrashing on the surface.


    Daniel: Being underwater. It's the best.


    Jeff: Every pool game we have a piranha daughter. All four of my daughters come after Dad in the pool. It's called Piranha Daughter. The penalty if they get me — I've got to climb out of the pool and do pushups. It's a workout slash, I don't know if I recommend it to every family, but it's fun for us.


    Let's talk about vulnerability for a second. Here's a quote out of one of your recent Substack posts: "Vulnerability is strength. It never feels like it is in the moment. It feels like risk, like exposure, like you're about to be found out." Would you explain what you mean by vulnerability being a strength?


    Daniel: Yeah. In the moment, vulnerability is kind of terrifying. Parts of these stories I'm sharing — this story about what I hear from God in my bed after watching Interstellar in the hardest season of my life — this isn't fun. That story 10 years later isn't fun to share. It is exposing and vulnerable and raw. I am risking being misunderstood. I am risking saying it wrong. But in sharing these parts of me, the most vulnerable places, I'm experiencing an immense amount of strength, because I'm seeing God. I'm actually seeing Him again. I need to tell this story because I need to live it again. I need to receive the same grace I received then, today.


    The risk is exposure, being laughed at, being misunderstood. But that's rarely the case. Usually on the other side of vulnerability is being known, being understood, creating intimacy and connection, having this "Yes, you too" moment. I feel stronger, because the alternative is: hide, fake it, pose, give a shiny answer, keep it under the rug. What that's really doing is limiting God's ability to access those parts of my heart and my story. Vulnerability is strength because God is knocking on the most vulnerable places in my heart that I'm tucking away and keeping in the shadows — and He's putting those in the light.


    Jeff: We help dads share their seven-minute slice. Just the concept of setting a timer and sharing some of the mountaintops — peaks and valleys of your story — and when the timer goes off, we honor the fact that it's a slice. It's not your whole story. But what a gift to any other dads, any other men in the circle, to hear that story. Sometimes when I share my seven-minute slice, I realize something God did that I didn't realize in living it — in the rearview, I'm like, "Actually, the valley was good. It was hard. I hated it. I was desperate. But it was good. Good things happened there."


    From a storytelling perspective — this is what you do professionally, but also what you do on the home front and with friends — what have you discovered around story and testimony that might encourage dads listening to step in, to be willing to share, but also to invite some buddies? Many of these dads are not being asked to be on a DadAwesome podcast and grilled with questions for 40 minutes. But the power of story and vulnerability — what does it unlock?


    Daniel: I don't think there is story without vulnerability. The strongest man on the sand is the most vulnerable man on the sand. We say that at Pursuit. I saw it this morning. A couple guys shared. John talks about the shallows, the midlands, and the depths. A couple guys shared from the shallows — nothing wrong with that. One guy shared from the depths. Everybody — and he's in need. He doesn't even know it's need right now, but sharing from that place, he's got 15 guys around him who are going to lock in, listen, pay attention, and now know how to enter into the real parts of his life.


    That's the gift of story in the context of vulnerability. When you're sharing your story from the truest place, the most vulnerable place — we all want to be known. One of our greatest desires as men is to be known and understood. If I really want to be known, I should start with the place that's most uncomfortable to be known at. What you end up finding out is most of the guys around you agree, could echo it, and are probably going through or have gone through or will go through the thing you're in. Then you find this capacity to receive — to be on the receiving end of somebody else's love, care, excitement, joy. Vulnerability isn't just hard stuff. It's just the true stuff.


    I get to, through my work and my passion, help people tell their stories. It's my job to mine for the gold. Pan for the gold in their stories and help them find it, help them see it. It's really helpful to be guided through questions. A practical thing for guys: ask each other what their stories are. Pay attention to how you feel when listening, and ask the follow-up question. One thing I've found — my emotions are sometimes guiding points into what they're feeling. I'm an empath. If I'm feeling uncomfortable about something, they likely are. I'm learning to press right into those places rather than being careful and gentle about them. Say the thing. Name the thing I'm feeling. It unlocks them into sharing the thing they might be nervous about.


    Every single person has a story. That's the thing I've found over the years. I tend to make assumptions about people's lives based on what I see. You see a dad. You see a husband and wife who are so close and happy, with kids who are close and happy. I can quickly assume what their life might have been like, what that dad's childhood was like, what his relationship with his dad was like. I'm three questions away from finding out I am so far off. Story levels the playing field. All of a sudden, all of these assumptions are gone, and we're now having a conversation, relating on the most human level: that you want to be loved, you want to love well, you want to be present, you want to bring joy bombs to your kids, you want to push them into the deep end and teach them to swim. We all want the same things.


    Jeff: Where do you think the mining for — I'm envisioning this mining pan next to a stream, looking for gold nuggets — as a dad trying to draw out deeper levels from our kids, especially at age 14 (I'm thinking about my 12, soon-to-be-13-year-old). Any questions that you think might be helpful? Any coaching for me — to ask these questions, to mine out, and to celebrate together a gold nugget?


    Daniel: Tricky question because everybody's different. I'll share from my experience. Another mentor talks about, "Whatever you do, cultivate access to your kid's heart." That's it. Just stay in their life. Cultivate, delight in what they delight in, have joy in what brings them joy, laugh at what makes them laugh. When they were little, it was, "Get on their level." Now it's, "Buddy, what do you want to do?" Instead of constantly pulling him into what I'm doing, I'm trying to engage in what he's doing. Those are practical things. But what it's actually doing is creating more of a trustworthy connection where it's, "Dad likes me. I know Dad loves me — he says it all the time. But Dad likes me. And if he likes me, then talking to him is part of a relationship."


    That's one side of that question. But I think it's also learning — for me, it's learning when Brooklyn opens up and has good conversations. He'd much rather talk over sushi than across the couch. He'd much rather talk in the car on our way to go surfing than on the couch or in bed before he goes to sleep. Honoring that in him. When we're at the table or on the couch, he feels grilled. It feels like a subject. When we're doing something together, he experiences it as relationship. Those are little things that have been helpful for me.


    Jeff: Really helpful. I want to give you a moment for any last topic, thoughts — something that might be helpful for dads as you were thinking about the conversation today.


    Daniel: To round out the story of the Interstellar encounter — this is so fresh for me. The greatest rescue for that was the truth that nothing is lost. For me in my story, having had a lot of loss in that season, and then having an only child, the temptation is to experience every season and chapter and change — coming out of eighth grade, going into high school — as loss.


    Jeff: Grief.


    Daniel: Grief. True. But for some reason, because of my story, the way I experience most of my son's transitions is through the lens of loss. Not through the lens of "Look what comes later." That comes later, and it's okay. But what God has been speaking to me over the last 10 years is: nothing is lost. Nothing. Even memories you don't remember. Even moments you missed when you were away. Somehow, in some crazy blessing of the kingdom of heaven to come and the renewal of all things, even the moments you wish you could get back, even the moments you regret, are being restored.


    Because of that, I can move on. I can enjoy the next season. I can go into high school with my son and be like, "Let's go. This is an upgrade. This is going to get really fun." Yes, all that was wonderful, but to live in nostalgia alone is exhausting. God comes in and He goes, "Nothing is lost. I'm catching every tear. I'm preserving every memory. I'm restoring every missed thing. So you can trust me. You're good."


    Matthew McConaughey had this great line. He's like, "I don't understand what it is about memories. People ask me, 'Do you remember this? Do you remember that?' And I'm like, 'No, but I was there.'" Like, "I was there. It was probably great. It was probably great." We make such a big deal about memories. I make such a big deal about memories. And it's like — yeah. I was there. It was awesome. What's next? I hope that's a little nugget.


    Jeff: It's back to abundance. It's back to abundance and leaning in.


    Daniel: The future is absolutely wonderful and hard and full of landmines, and we have a good Father to walk it out with.


    Jeff: Well, this is part one. I already told you, I'm going to track you down in person for round two in the next couple of years.


    Daniel: In the water.


    Jeff: It's going to be salty. The next round is going to be salty. Would you say a short prayer over all of us dads?


    Daniel: Yeah. Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, thank you for the honor it is to share one of your names as dads. For the honor it is to raise our kids. Help us to become the kind of men that can love these kids well. Help us to be filled with more of you so that we can, out of the overflow of our lives, deposit beauty and joy and life and abundance into our kids. Help us to release the pressure we put on them to become certain people, and to delight in what they delight in, and to enjoy them and actually like them. Give us your eyes, Father, for my son. Give me your eyes for my son. Give us your eyes for our kids. Help us to see their glory. To see not just who they are, but who you created them to be and who they are becoming. And help us to call those people out of them. In Jesus' name, amen.


    Outro

    Jeff: Thank you so much for joining us for episode 431 with Daniel Chestnut. The conversation links, the notes, the action steps are all going to be found at dadawesome.org/podcast.


    A quick reminder: the DadAwesome book launched four and a half weeks ago, so we're a month into this journey of launching and sharing the core discoveries from the first eight and a half years of this ministry. Go to dadawesome.org/book to get a hold of the book and the other resources — a seven-day video series of short three-minute videos, a Bible reading plan, and more at dadawesome.org/book.


    Thank you for being a part of our community. Thanks for listening, leaning in, and prayerfully turning your heart towards your kids. We're praying that you guys take action this week — that we activate change versus just pause, intending to be a different kind of dad. Let's be DadAwesome this week.


    • "The strongest man on the sand is the most vulnerable man on the sand."

    • "I made time. I created time. And I can make time work for you, not against you."

    • "Spend the next decade becoming the kind of person who can be entrusted with more in 10 years."

    • "Whatever you do, cultivate access to your kid's heart. That's it. Just stay in their life."

    • "Nothing is lost. Even the moments you regret are being restored."

 

Connect with DadAwesome

  • Get the book! DADAWESOME: Dad Discoveries to Activate Awesomeness (releasing March 17th, 2026)

  • Follow@dadawesome on Instagram

  • Make a Donation to DadAwesome (tax-deductible)

  • Receive weekly encouragement by texting "dad" to 651-370-8618

  • Learn about the 6-week ACCELERATOR Coaching Cohorts

 

Listen on any of these platforms

Jeff Zaugg
Next

430 | Core Memories, Unhealed Wounds, and What It Looks Like When a Dad Does the Inner Work (Mark Odland)