416 | Vision, Will, and Community: Standing Against a Culture That Wants to Destroy Your Family (Jeremy Pryor PART 2)

Rhythms & HabitsFamily Vision
Written By Jeff Zaugg

Episode Description

If you just go with the flow in today's culture, it will destroy you and your family. In this episode, Jeremy Pryor unpacks why we're living in the Age of Intentionality—where vision, will, and community are the only things standing between your kids and a world trying to exploit them. Plus, he shares why your family life should get richer as your kids grow older, and how to break free from "Labanism" to build assets that serve your family for generations.

  • Jeremy Pryor is the founder of Family Teams and co-host of the Family Teams Podcast with Jefferson Bethke. He's an author, speaker, and advocate for multi-generational family who has spent years studying ancient Hebraic family patterns and helping modern fathers build lasting legacies. Jeremy and his wife, April, have five children and four grandchildren and lived in Israel on and off for about ten years.

    • We live in a unique age where going with the flow will destroy your family. Intentional fatherhood requires vision, will, and thick community.

    • God's five-part mission for families—be fruitful, multiply, fill, subdue, and rule—is the preloaded vision every dad can build on.

    • "Labanism" is the cultural trap of lifetime wage-earning that keeps fathers dependent and unable to truly provide for their own families.

    • Your son-in-law is your son. Multi-generational family means gaining more kids through marriage, not losing the ones you raised.

    • Family gets better with time. What you experience with your kids at 25 should be far richer than when they were 5.

  • Jeff: We're around the start of the calendar year when we release this conversation. You have this framework—I think it's your framework—but this idea of vision, will, and community. These three essential pieces. I know a lot of us have a goal for the new year or an intent, but often the vision expires and we need that will and community. I'd love to hear—why are these three things important for dads?

    Jeremy: Well, people have to understand the era that we're living in. And so that came from an essay I wrote on my Substack called "The Age of Intentionality." What's happening—and this is really unique, you guys, and I'm sorry to have to break this to you as dads because this is really, really hard—we have to face it though. We live in a very strange age. The age we live in is: if you just go with the flow, do what's natural, it will destroy you and your family.

    And that is not normal. In most cultures, at most times in history, a wise culture will naturally set up a situation in which if you just do what's natural—okay, at this point you start dating, at this point you get married, at this point you start having kids, you start your career—if you just go through those natural, cultural, typical story beats, for the most part, it will work out for most people.

    We have created a natural go-with-the-flow trajectory that will destroy your life.

    Your children—their attention will be destroyed by screens before they get to the age of 10 if you allow that, if you just go with the flow. Your daughters will be destroyed by social media if you just hand that over to them in middle school. Your sons will be destroyed by pornography if you aren't engaging with your sons and really helping them work through the challenges of that. You go on and on and on. Look, your future will be stolen by debt if you just go to college and take out the maximum number of loans.

    This is really weird. And so what that means is that something has to stand between children and a culture that is trying to exploit them.

    You might be asking, of course, how do we create a world like that? Well, because there's good reason. If you can turn the next generation into products, you can enrich investors and people that own these technologies. And so there is an enormous incentive—just trillions of dollars of incentive—to productize your children.

    And so how are you going to stand up against that? Well, the only thing that I know that can possibly stand up against what's coming at our kids is an intentional father. And that's why I talk about these three things.

    What makes an intentional father? What makes somebody stand up against this constant thing?

    You have to have a vision. So if your vision is, "I just want to go with the flow," well, good luck with that. Your kids are in big trouble because again, it's not going to work. So you have to have a vision for the good life. What is that family culture you want to create?

    Unfortunately, you have to think through everything. How do we do entertainment as a family? How do we do education as a family? How do we think about debt as a family? Where do we live as a family? How do we engage with friends as a family? Every one of these things has to be intentionally thought out because if you go with the flow, what's natural is increasingly toxic. And so even things like diet—I mean, it's crazy to me—we just have to think about these things intentionally.

    But we do, and that's why you have to have a vision.

    You also have to have a thick community because it's really hard to do this alone.

    And you have to have a very strong will because there's going to be a battering ram constantly coming up against your family. Your daughter is going to come and say, "Honey, Dad, everyone else has this. Why can't I have this?" Well, if you're going to have a weak will, then you're going to hand your daughter over to these enslaving technologies.

    And so this is a really, really tough reality.

    The good news though, on the other side, is that God has created this role within the world—the father of the family—to actually stand up against these forces. But you have to steel yourself for this, guys. And part of it—we have to get together. That's why I love what you guys are doing, Jeff. We have to be creating these places, these arenas where dads are getting together and talking about how do we become more intentional? Because we have to do this well because the stakes are getting higher and higher and higher if we abdicate this responsibility.

    *

    Jeff: Just to go to vision a step deeper. When you answer to some dads around a campfire, like, "This is my vision"—I've heard you articulate this before, but I think another pass would just inspire us. What is your vision for your family? I'd love to hear.

    Jeremy: Yeah. Well, families come preloaded with a vision given by God, and I think it's incredibly beautiful. We need to get more excited about how and why God created the family.

    So part of what we say is like, when God created the first family in Genesis 1:28, it says, "He blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and subdue it, rule.'"

    So that five-part mission—be fruitful, multiply, fill, subdue, and rule. This is the vision, the preloaded vision.

    There are other things that are amazing elements that I think we should consider that might be unique to our families. Our family has some unique assignments that we are trying to work through. But that is an incredibly beautiful vision.

    Be fruitful—to have children. To multiply—to have grandchildren. To fill—is to think about your family on a geographical level. What are we called to kind of fill out in our area? In our town, our street, our city, our area. To subdue is to grow the influence of the family, get control of things like ministries, businesses. And then that ultimately allows us to rule.

    Now, the purpose of ruling on this side of the cross is to make disciples, right? This is what Jesus commanded us to do. He is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. And if we get to express any kind of rulership, it's really for the purpose of ruling through who Jesus is making us to be and through the making of disciples.

    But that five-part mission is still incredible. And so when I talk about this—one of the things that's really different—I had a great conversation with Dr. Carrie Gress. She wrote the book The End of Woman, and I just talked to her, I think yesterday on my podcast. And man, she basically made this case—and she's publishing a book called Something Wicked, just incredibly brilliant—working through the implications of what feminism has really done to the culture.

    But we've basically denigrated having children.

    She said, if you emphasize—especially as a man—the beauty of having children, you basically are going to be accused of starting a fertility cult.

    Wow. What a masterstroke of the enemy to take the greatest superpower ever given to a woman. A woman with her womb can do more creatively than all the scientists in the world working together. It's unbelievable what I just saw my daughter do to create this grandson, to cause our family to become multi-generational in that way. I just—it blows my mind. It is such an incredible ability. And we've categorized that so terribly.

    What Dr. Gress says—I asked her, "Well, how do you define feminism?" She said, "The movement to make women autonomous from men and children." That's what it is. It's not to support women. She said every thing that's written is designed to make them autonomous from men and children, which is to denigrate their essential nature.

    And so part of what I get so excited to talk about—and all four of my daughters are so excited to be moms. They see the blessing of family. And it doesn't mean that every single person has to be fruitful in that way, but that is definitely the default way that we're fruitful. And it's not something that's small.

    When I think what Sydney just did this morning, I'm like, that's like you scoring a touchdown in the Super Bowl, as far as I'm concerned. It is such an incredible gift you've given to the world, to our family, to your branch of the family. And wow, good job. Why would we attack that? It's so unfortunate.

    And so, yeah, part of what I love to do is just look at all five of those elements of that five-part mission and just stand in awe that God is allowing us to participate in being fruitful, in multiplying, in filling, in subduing, in ruling. All of those are amazing. And I really think they're progressive in that you multiply because you're fruitful. You fill because you're multiplying. You're moving down this way.

    And part of what I've pitched to our family is just like, imagine what this can look like in three, four, five generations of our family. What does it look like for us to build a ruling household? I don't know what that's gonna look like. But as I see our family get stronger and lean into their God-given mission, I see the beauty of this and how much it blesses the world. It's not just about us.

    I think this is exactly how God intended families to become a blessing. We are blessed to be a blessing. And so that's the vision—we want to see the kingdom expand, and we have very concrete ways as families to help participate in that.

    *

    Jeff: In the coaching cohorts that we lead—we've graduated 10 groups of dads now—and mandatory reading on week three is "The Ruling Generation," your Substack post about this idea of what's possible. And I know there's the celebrating childbirth, there's a celebrating of grandchildren, of legacy, of people. But there's also an asset side to this conversation. We are stewards.

    Your perspective on Jacob's father-in-law, Laban. And I think you call it "Labanism," is that right?

    Jeremy: Yes.

    Jeff: This perspective and freedom that's possible, but most of us haven't found it. Can you share your take on this?

    Jeremy: Yeah, so a big question that I think this comes from is: Should every family own a business? And I don't necessarily think every family should. I don't think everybody is wired necessarily to start a business.

    But I do believe that it should be the goal of every family to own assets.

    And this is not unusual. This is normal in the same way that it's sort of default—the goal of every family, especially a growing large family, to own their own house. I think that's a good goal. It doesn't mean you're failing if you live in an apartment. It just means that I hope in your 20-, 30-, 40-year plan, if you're trying to grow a large family, it makes sense to own your own house so you can craft the culture of your family in the maximal way through ownership.

    And I think the same is true with assets.

    I think that 150 years ago, it was everyone's goal to own some land, to own a business. That was very normal. And today, because of the industrial economy, we tend to get these specializations that only allow us to make an income through working in some kind of a larger corporation.

    And so the question that I always want to take a big step back and say is this: If you're basically looking at your life—let's say you're a 25-year-old man who just got married, excited to have kids—if your vision is that by the time I'm 50, 60, 70, I'm still working and we don't own any assets, there's nothing that we own that's actually producing income for our family, we're just basically paycheck-to-paycheck W-2 employees of a large corporation... I just would say, I don't like that strategy. I think that there's something almost anti-family about that strategy.

    I think that's a really good strategy for a season, and that season could last decades. But eventually, I hope that you're living and making money in such a way that you're building some assets for your family. There's a lot of financial reasons for that. There's a lot of cultural reasons for that.

    But one of the fascinating things I find in Scripture is that all the patriarchs had this vision. And you really see this kind of culminating in the collision that happened between Jacob and Laban.

    Because Jacob, you know, he was a part of this incredibly asset-rich family and had to run away because of what happened between he and Esau, ends up going and finding this branch of the family and marrying into it. And so his father-in-law Laban clearly had a strategy to cause Jacob to be a wage earner for the rest of his life. This would give Laban maximum control over Jacob's family.

    And so those of you guys who know the story, he had to work for seven years to pay off a debt, the dowry for his wife. And through trickery, Laban ended up giving him the other daughter. And so then he ended up having to work for 14 years. And he was making a living, he was providing for his family.

    But he says this very interesting thing, and you can go back and read in Genesis. He has a conversation with his father-in-law, and he says to his father-in-law, "I've worked for you for a long time, but I'm wondering—when can I provide for my own family?"

    And I was shocked. I'm like, how are you not providing for your own family? But he didn't consider earning a wage sufficient for provision.

    And so then he initiates a whole negotiation with Laban in which he could get control of some assets, right? Some livestock. And it's a pretty bizarre story. It's interesting how he ends up doing it and God really works with him.

    But what Laban is constantly attempting to do in that relationship is find ways to change how he's compensated to stop Jacob from accumulating any assets.

    And this is actually considered perfectly normal culturally today. It's like, of course, if you own a business, you're going to want to ensure that all the fathers who work for your business are constantly under your control and that they are in need of that paycheck to provide for their family.

    And that's what I find—that's just rank Labanism.

    If you own a business and you have fathers working for you, then I hope that if you're a Christian, you desire to see those fathers eventually own assets. It doesn't mean that they're not going to continue to work for you in some way, or their W-2 income might be a part of how they consider how to provide for their family in some seasons or in some portion of that. But I hope that your desire is for their freedom and that they would eventually not just provide for your family, but for their family.

    So I just wanted to introduce this idea into the conversation because I discovered that Jewish families and Jewish communities have this perspective very strong. Like if you go to a synagogue, there's a constant conversation between fathers about how do we help each other own assets and how do we invest.

    And so I was at a church not too long ago where the pastor said that when he was a young man, he was just walking past the synagogue and he saw this banner outside that said, "De-employment Seminar." And he's like, what the heck is this? He walked in and he's like, what is this about? What are you guys doing here? And they said, well, this is just where we train young fathers how to build assets and stop making money through employment.

    And he's like, what? I've only ever been trained by everyone in my life to become a lifelong employee.

    And they're like, well, we just don't think that way.

    And so I don't understand how this happened. I don't understand how the Christian world somehow has missed the memo that the entire Bible is advocating this idea.

    Even in the New Testament, in 1 Thessalonians 4, Paul says, "Make it your goal to work with your hands, to mind your own business, so that you will not have to be dependent on anyone, so you can become maximally generous."

    Make it your goal. Again, this is not a moral thing. This is just wisdom. It's just like, it's not a good idea for your long-term strategy for your family to be one where you're always dependent on some other father and you have to go when you're 55 years old and ask that 38-year-old father for permission to be able to spend time with your grandchildren.

    That's not a good strategy long-term.

    If you're a 25-year-old, listen—if you're a 55-year-old and you're in that, I get it. But look, if you're 30, you've got a lot of years. Add to your provision strategy asset development as a part of that.

    And I wish somehow in the Christian world, we would think this way the way that the Jewish community does. Because we have the same Bible, and it's reiterated in New Testament, yet we go along the exact same Western blueprint for how to provide that came down from the industrial revolution—which I think has done more to destroy the family than almost any movement in history.

    Because it took what used to be a part of the family—which was building assets and working as a household—and it caused us all to be separated as individuals, atomized us, and then sent us into this new industrial workforce.

    And man, that's done so much damage. We don't have to do that. There's lots and lots of lifestyles that allow us to come back together and work as families. It's not easy, but I think we should make that our goal.

    *

    Jeff: I'm having flashbacks to our first chat seven years ago, and I'm right now feeling the—I had intent to move some dials, to calibrate our family in that direction. And I'm like, we haven't made as much progress as I was hoping in these last seven years.

    So here, even in the story of Jacob, these seven-year increments—I'm also so grateful that you're nudging like this. This conversation and the way you bring your full heart, you leave us dads feeling uncomfortable and hopeful. So I'm so grateful for you.

    Is there anything else we didn't hit? I'm sure there's lots of things, but is there one more charge you have for us before you pray us out of here? Anything else that you're like, here's one more thing?

    Jeremy: Well, I would say that I just keep thinking about the father, the sons, these connections between these relationships.

    One of the things, too—as a father of four daughters, I can't believe how amazing it has been to get to know my sons-in-law.

    And one of the things that I really wish people would understand in a multi-generational family is you've got more kids out there.

    And getting to meet my two sons-in-law and my daughter-in-law and what they brought into our family has been incredibly amazing.

    And I have a lot of pastor friends who have been really trumpeting the idea that every single family is totally autonomous in a way that these are not your kids when they get married. I think I totally understand the basic sentiment. They're making the case that you don't have authority over those families. And I agree with that. I don't have any—I don't wield authority over our married children or our in-laws.

    But I think that misses the point, which is that this is not really ultimately about authority. This is about honor and about family.

    And I think that they are a part of your family. And there are many cultures that consider them sons and daughters when they become a part of the family. I think wise cultures do that. Not again as a way of wielding authority, but as a way of providing honor. I want to honor my sons-in-law like a son. And I want them to honor me like a father. And if we can develop that kind of connection—even though we didn't spend the years, their childhood, the way I did with my kids—that develops such an incredible opportunity for me to get to father these young men or my daughter-in-law, or they get to have a fresh experience of what it's like to have a father in their life or a mother with my wife.

    And so I would just say—so much of what I'm experiencing now—I want to tell young men: It gets better.

    It's so much better now.

    The weird thing we have set up in our culture is somehow this idea that you basically experience family when your kids are really young and then it all blows up when they turn 18 or something.

    That's crazy.

    It should be so much more rich when your kids are 25 than when they were five. And I would say for me, I have experienced that. But you do have to build a multi-generational family to experience that.

    And that's really what we're here to help you guys figure out—because that is God's way of building family.

    *

    Jeff: Thank you, Jeremy. I'm going to send all of our dads to—I mean, your courses, your book, your podcast. The course on building a business as a family. So grateful for you.

    I dedicated the book that we're releasing early next year—I dedicate it to the fathers of my daughters' future husbands.

    Jeremy: Wow.

    Jeff: So I love those men that are raising those boys right now, right? They're raising them. And I love those dads, and I'm praying for those dads because I just have the gift of these sons out there that I haven't met yet.

    Anyways, you get me emotional. Would you say a short prayer over all of us dads?

    Jeremy: Absolutely. And can I give maybe a gift to your audience? Because I was thinking about what might be helpful. I do have this little five-part course for how to think about starting a business, how to build an asset. So I'll talk to our team and put that over at familyteams.com/awesome. Just give that to your audience, and anybody who wants that—these are the steps that really move the needle for me.

    So yeah, I'd love to pray for you guys as you do that.

    Father, thank You so much for this time. Thank You so much for Dad Awesome and for what Jeff's doing and for how You are impacting families. And I do think that we are going to live in a strange age where there's this divide between intentional families and families on accident. We just want to see more children raised in families that are living on purpose, that intentional fathers are stepping up and loving their kids and connecting to their hearts.

    Lord Jesus, we want to see Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. I pray that we would do family according to Your blueprint, Your heavenly blueprint. You've given this to us—You've showed us this idea: be fruitful, multiply, fill, subdue, and rule. I pray that it would get in the hearts and minds of each of these dads and that You would share with them just very practically how to take steps towards that for their family. I pray that their family would be blessed and that their family would be a blessing to their communities. In Jesus' name. Amen.

    • "If you just go with the flow, do what's natural, it will destroy you and your family."

    • "The only thing that can stand up against what's coming at our kids is an intentional father."

    • "Your son-in-law is your son. Your daughter-in-law is your daughter."

    • "It gets better. It should be so much more rich when your kids are 25 than when they were 5."

    • "Make it your goal to work with your hands, to mind your own business, so that you will not have to be dependent on anyone."

    • "We are blessed to be a blessing."

 

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415 | Your Superpower Is Hurting Your Kids, Creating Emotional Warmth at Home, and Why Attachment Is Everything – Part 1 (Jeremy Pryor)