351 | Summiting Mount Kilimanjaro, Reflecting the Father, and Choosing to Man Up (Jeff Ford)
Episode Description
There’s only so much growth you can experience in your normal rhythms of life. That’s why Jeff Ford has pushed his limits to the extreme by summiting the tallest free-standing mountain in the world—three times! In this episode, he shares the powerful faith and fatherhood lessons that he’s learned from doing such physically challenging things with other men.
-
Jeff Ford serves as the Chief Executive Officer of Man Up and Go, a global non-profit organization that mobilizes men to fight for the fatherless as Jesus commands. He also serves in several advisory and advocacy positions and has summited Mount Kilimanjaro three times. Jeff and his wife, Liza, live in Florida with their two children.
-
· How your children view God is directly dependent upon how they view you. Therefore, reflect His image today.
· Doing hard things physically is analogous to the Christian faith because you must count it all joy when you face trials of many kinds.
· Create drive-by phrases—quick, pithy reminders of your family’s values.
· Don’t wait until a Mount Kilimanjaro experience to find your brotherhood.
-
-
Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.
Jeff Ford: [00:00:39] Do not let anybody else determine your happiness. You are the one who's in control of that, through your relationship with Jesus, if you're satisfied in Him. So you can have the same moment, the same environment, the same everything and someone could respond negatively and someone could respond and say, you know what? This is an opportunity for growth.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:00:58] This is episode 351 of DadAwesome. And today, Jeff Ford is joining us. And we actually met through Mark Batterson introduced us and we were able to come together for an event where we gathered fatherhood ministries from all over the country. And Jeff came got to know him and knew immediately I want to have him on the show and the organization he leads, Man up and Go. The Man Up organization, incredible work all around the world. But their home base is in Northwest Florida, kind of the same Pete's, Tampa area. And they've got this simple philosophy, gather, give, go. And it's all around, man, we've got to bring men together, train them, equip them, then there's a giving, generosity piece. But there is a go piece that I think all of us need to hear today's conversation. Today's conversation just really centers around, man, could we be a generation of men, of dads who are going, who are chasing the dreams God has put on our heart, who are willing to step out of our comfort zone, out of the normal rhythms of life and go. And he shares an amazing story about climbing Mount Kilimanjaro that kind of brings this to life. So we're going to jump right in. This is actually kind of mid conversation when I jump in with a Bible verse and just kind of unpacking how leading this organization, Man Up, has changed his life from the perspective of his son and daughter and wife. So here's my conversation, episode 351, with Jeff Ford. Isaiah 1:17, learn to do good is the first like charge there. There is a learning that required, that has to take place, but then my goodness, there's action, action, action. Fight for it, defend, plead, rebuke, seek like, there's a learning. And that's I think the dad's listening right now, some of them are still at that learning phase, but let's not stay there. Let's not stay there. How has this journey affected your family? How would your, I mean, even to think through the lens of your wife or your son or daughter, like obviously there was a adoption expression that's your son and your daughter. And just like the beautiful God growing your family through, through that expression of of kingdom, right? Adding these, these beautiful kids. But how would they, how would either your kids or your wife describe how it's changed you, call it the last ten years of this journey?
Jeff Ford: [00:03:27] Yeah. I mean, the the great thing about the work that we do is that I am always held accountable to the things that I am saying. So, for instance, I think a lot of men, the reason that they are not doing what God wants them to do is because if they speak up, then they actually have to follow through with it. And so better to remain silent because then I can't be held accountable to anything if I'm silent.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:03:53] Sure.
Jeff Ford: [00:03:54] Right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:03:54] Sure. It's the play it safe.
Jeff Ford: [00:03:55] Play it safe. Whereas God is asking us to, I think, be bold in our, in our language and be bold in our words and not in an arrogant sense or egotistical or condemning or anything like that. But it's like, no, this is what God says. I'm going to say it and then Lord, help me to follow through with action. And instead of sinking into the shadows, right, and remaining anonymous or remaining, you know, quite frankly, ineffective, no, get in the game. And so for my family, I think like I will often hear this from one of my kids, Hey, dad, like, if I say something about how, I don't if we're gonna do that and I just don't know, that seems hard. But hey, Dad, I think you need to man up, right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:04:41] That's so good.
Jeff Ford: [00:04:41] Right. Because they're, they know what my, you know, life's mission is. And so if there's a spot where they're sensing that I'm not doing that, I get called to the carpet. And we have a rule in our, in our house that at any given time, anybody can say you need to man up. And it's kind of our code word, little drive by to say and we can't get offended by it because it's, this is the agreement that we've made, you know. And we have another little rule where it's like, hey, if someone's getting heated or these things are getting a little hot under the collar, hey, I think you need to count to ten. Like we have that rule as well. And so, like, both of those are just like we have a very, so I think part of ministering to others, what has changed in me is that I am now, I'm held accountable. And because a lot of guys can do stuff for and this happens a lot, guys, you go through different seasons, right? And so you got a season where guys really serving a lot and then you don't see them anymore and the guys really serving a lot, and then maybe he has to back up or whatever and I get it when you go through seasons. But some, sometimes you just lose them like entirely and you're thinking, Man, they weren't equipped. They weren't ready for the commitment. They weren't ready for the marathon. They weren't ready to say, and what that tells me is they weren't all in, they weren't all in for Jesus. They weren't all in for, you know, this, this life of a Christian, which is a call to die to yourself almost every single minute of your life, right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:09] Yeah. Wow. I think the crystallizing of I have a mission that matters. I've stated it. My community knows. In your case, you have a board of directors holding you accountable. You have like a broader traction and history and your kids know like that's got dad, dad's heart loves our family, loves Jesus, but he's got a mission that matters and it's called Man Up. And that's going to translate itself right into moments of, oh my goodness, so many moments that I do not feel DadAwesome, right. Same kind of thing, like I have the, like I know what I'm going after and it and it matters deeply for my four little daughters. And I have, I don't know if we've normalized it in our like conversation, like, I don't know if that's DadAwesome, but that would be funny if they like if they were calling me.
Jeff Ford: [00:06:55] You're not being DadAwesome right now.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:56] It doesn't feel like this is very DA. And I'm like, yeah, that's good, that's good. And we do joke, and they know that because we watch, we watch Dude Perfect. And we know that dad did not call, and this organization is not dad perfect. And, oh my goodness, they see the repeated asking for forgiveness thread. So there's that piece and Man Up certainly isn't asking you to be a perfect man who steps up and is perfect in every aspect of every angle.
Jeff Ford: [00:07:24] Correct.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:07:24] I love that. Can you think of a story from the dad life with your son or your daughter that, that marked you? That you're like, man, I learned so much from walking through that or that moment or that struggle or even it's just something that maybe a mentor shared with you or you read the book, that like that did change the way I approach the Dd life. And any just like top, top learnings or maybe transferable wisdom that comes to the top?
Jeff Ford: [00:07:48] Yeah. There's, there's a story of my son that I think of because this really was pivotal. I use it as a marker, there were several like this, but this was one that I just kind of remember and serves as a, as a turning point for me. He would have been probably 2 or 3 at the time. He was young, maybe four, but I think he was 2 or 3. He was in the bath and my son, it's funny, just even on the way over here, we were chatting this morning before school and we were reminding him that he liked Barney at one point. And he said, No, I didn't. And like, no, you did. Like the difference is, your sister would just sit there and watch and you would watch for 10 seconds, then go do something else. Then you come back and watch for ten seconds. Like he's just always has been, you know, just like a butterfly, like all over the place. So bath time was generally an adventure. And but he usually would wash his hair, you know, if we wanted to wash his hair, it wasn't a big deal. Well, one, one day he would not wash his hair. And I had a long day. I was stressed. I didn't want to be bathing him, quite frankly, but I knew that was my job in the moment and he wouldn't do it. And for whatever reason, it just got to me like, dude, just wash your hair. And I saw in his eyes this, like, terror.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:08:58] Fear.
Jeff Ford: [00:08:59] Fear and terror. And I'm like, you do this a thousand times. I don't understand why is this one time? And I was so frustrated and it was one of those where I felt I felt it rising up. And I don't know exactly what was going on, but there was, there must have been other things going on because it wasn't just him, right. And that's what happens, right? You got all this stress at work, stress in a marriage, stress in a relationship, whatever it is. And I remember going into my closet, I and I just sunk down to my knees and I started crying. And I was like, Lord, I don't know what to do. And there are other things going on. But it had been during the challenges, and as a dad, as you know, is challenging. It is challenging to raise your kids because you know they're watching you. I've got a little Post-it note in my office and it says, How your children view God is directly dependent upon how they view you, reflect His image today. Right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:10:03] Can you say that one more time?
Jeff Ford: [00:10:04] So, how your children view God is directly dependent upon how they view you, therefore reflect His image today. Right. So I know that my kids are looking at me and their view of God is going to be shaped by the father that they had on earth. Their Heavenly Father, they're going to hear that language in church. They've already heard it a million times, but as they grow up, I know because it is true for me, that I viewed my, I viewed God as a stern and I don't want to say judgmental and be fair to my dad because I know that he loved me so much. But stern and I think sometimes disappointed with me. And that was tough, that was tough. And so how we reflect Jesus, God the Father to our kids is going to have an impact on their view of God, and I believe their sentence of Him. So anyway, I was in my my closet and I just was crying and like Holy Spirit, I don't know what to do. I think was exasperated on several fronts, one of them probably was parenting, right. And it was very clear, so funny now, but is very clear, the Holy Spirit, you know, I didn't hear Him audibly, but I heard Him speak very clear to me, don't make him wash his hair. It was the simplest answer.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:11:24] Now is not the time to be forceful.
Jeff Ford: [00:11:26] Why, like, why are you engaged in this, like you're the parent and so do what I say kind of thing, right?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:11:32] You have to follow through. So many times I'm locked into that. I'm like, I've said it now I have to follow through on it. It's like, Do I really have to be that forceful Dad? So you felt that whisper.
Jeff Ford: [00:11:41] Felt that whisper. I go back in and when as soon as I came in, he was playing, he saw me and I saw the terror again. And he thought I was going to force him. And I go, Hey, I just want to let you know, it's okay. You don't wash your hair. No big deal. We'll do it, we'll do it some other time. You saw the relief. You saw just this, like really? Like, you know, even his 3 year, his 3 year old self, he just was like, wow. And so I'm telling you, it wasn't 12 seconds later he goes, all right, dad, I'll wash my hair. Isn't this so wild?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:12:12] Oh my goodness. As soon as, I mean, as you share that story, I'm immediately thinking about how often I think there's just a one path forward and with God, like, I think that's His heart, soft, is like, you don't have to do that. Like you're okay, go the other option instead.
Jeff Ford: [00:12:28] Yeah. I really, you know, was listening to my, my, my brother's a pastor in Tennessee and he had a sermon that he did just recently on work. And so I was listening to it and he talked about at one point, he's like, he had heard a story from another pastor. And it was basically he told a congregant like, Hey, I don't think God cares what you do here, just glorify Him because it was about work, you know. It's like, what should I do? It's just like, I don't really think God cares. God does obviously care.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:12:56] He cares, but He's not like, it has to be this way.
Jeff Ford: [00:12:58] Yeah. And we get locked in to these, I have to do this thing or I have to do that thing. And for me, it's tough because as the man of the house, I mean, I want to lead with gentle strength, right. Tenderness and toughness, like that kind of whole mantra. But as a man, I don't know, sometimes you just, you get locked into it. Listen, I'm the, I'm the man of the house. You're like, do what I say, like, it's simple. And what I'm, what I'm really doing in that moment is devaluing that child or if it was a spouse or whatever, I'm devaluing them, right because I'm saying my way, my ease of this, my personal comfort is more important than understanding you and understanding what you're going through. Because I'm too lazy, I'm too tired, I'm too whatever. And I'm telling you, dads, we can't do that. If we're, we've got to be checked in, we've got to be dialed in. And I realize that there are times where these moments like I had happen, but we have to let the Holy Spirit reign us and take a ten second time out, for us, it's count to ten. We have to do that and then, it's funny, when I count to ten, this is like the simplest thing I've ever done, but it works as a parent. If I count to ten, I am never as mad as I was. You know what I mean?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:14:07] It always is helpful. It's always so helpful. The other option is if you want to just do some burpees on the fly, or you have a pull bar nearby, like it'll accomplish the same thing, the same thing. Like sometimes love the Lord your God with all your heart and your soul, your mind, your strength. And we're stuck in our mind in those interactions. And it's like, well, I grip so tightly and I'm in a mind engagement, and if I could just connect to the ten second pause, can be a soul, takes a couple of deep breath.
Jeff Ford: [00:14:38] Yeah.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:14:39] Man, your heart, kind of moving from my mind down to my heart. Or I use the burpees and the pull-ups as an example of like, if we can actually move some strength in here versus I want to punch something like, you know, never a family member, but like, sometimes I want to, like, hit a door, because I'm just so frustrated.
Jeff Ford: [00:14:53] You just, you want a, you need a, you need a release of aggression.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:14:57] Because I'm so stuck, just stuck. So I think that's great, yeah, Great insight. I know that doing hard things has been a part of your story. It has changed you as a, as a husband, as a dad, as a ministry leader. And you've got your 5 a.m. workout group, which is very impressive. Our group over on the other coast of Florida, we meet at 5:55 in the morning.
Jeff Ford: [00:15:19] Still before the sun comes up.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:15:20] Still slightly before the sun comes up or an hour before the sun comes up. But you've also taken some of the go, has been groups of men to climb Mount Kilimanjaro.
Jeff Ford: [00:15:29] Yeah.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:15:30] Which anyone who hears that has heard of Mount Kilimanjaro, many people can't even reference. Is that in Kenya? Is that in like, where exactly is that? And then and then even the idea, 19,300 feet. Am I about right?
Jeff Ford: [00:15:41] 341.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:15:42] You know it because you've been up there three times.
Jeff Ford: [00:15:44] Three times. Three times. Yeah.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:15:46] So there's been a brotherhood aspect, a fundraising component, where the guys will pay for the trip, and a big slice of it goes to fund your partners, which is so cool. I mean, if you can mix, like, epic brotherhood, things, a strength. I never thought I could do half the oxygen I usually have, multi-day suffering.
Jeff Ford: [00:16:06] It is a multi-day suffering.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:16:06] With fundraising. So I would love if you shared a little bit about the trip because maybe there's even opportunities coming up or a year from now whenever, for some guys to jump in. But also like, why a trip like that can actually, how it can change us and if there's any like even things you've learned about being a dad because of doing that trip.
Jeff Ford: [00:16:25] Man, I love talking about our Kili trips because they are just so amazingly transformative. Mission trips in general, there is something about, and I would say this, the shared experience that you get on one of these trips is you can't replicate it anywhere else because, you know when you're stuck in kind of your regular everyday life, it's very easy to just kind of go through the motions, very easy to just get stuck on autopilot. When you remove yourself from that, and and just by geography, right. Just even if it's like an hour up the road, me coming over here just by geography, I'm like inspired right now, by the way.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:17:03] Just a shift to a new, like your new place, new time.
Jeff Ford: [00:17:06] Absolutely. Just kind of shifts your mind and it opens up new pathways because you're just out of your element and you don't have reference points, and so you're forced to create new ones. And that breeds innovation and imagination and all of that, right? So that's what happens on these trips. And yeah, the, the, the trip itself is just so awesome because it's unlike anything you've ever done and especially living here in Florida, and a lot of, we have folks from all over. But what kind of mountain do you see around here?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:17:34] Just there's a bridge that has a little bit of elevation. There's nothing.
Jeff Ford: [00:17:38] Like people laugh, you know, I got people on Strava laugh about my bike rides, you know. And I'll do a 40 mile ride and they're like you gained 127ft.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:17:46] Equivalent to a 30 mile ride most areas of the country, right.
Jeff Ford: [00:17:49] You do a 30 mile ride anywhere else and it's like you're several thousand feet of climb. But yes, so I think that the the doing hard things, it has kind of become, you know, a little bit of a mantra. And I know that you do this as well. And but I think it's part of what inspires me, because to stay out of the status quo, right. And so the trip itself is we do a six day trip, four and a half up, one and a half down. And during that time, you are, you know, you're just in the wild. There's nothing around, right. So you're completely out of your element. You don't have any technology. It's just you and guys having conversation and you're talking about your kids, you're talking about your wife, you're talking about the Lord. You're getting in senseless arguments about who's the best basketball, is it LeBron or Jordan, you know.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:18:38] You're just looking for things to talk about.
Jeff Ford: [00:18:38] You're just looking for things to talk about because you can't Google anything. I remember the one year there's this big argument on the feels like temperature versus the actual temperature and arguing like how that actually, was it the clouds? Was it the elevation? Like how, what does that actually mean?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:18:54] That's amazing. I think about like people sailing, you know, pirates, real sailing the ocean deck, you know, hundreds of you know, it's like that's probably the same things that like, like there's some, like, nonsense. It's so good, it's good for the soul.
Jeff Ford: [00:19:06] It was good for the soul because you're not talking about, here's what you're not talking about, you're not talking about work. You're not talking about, you know, just the mundane things that when we're in, a lot of times when we're at work or we're just at our daily, you're just going through kind of mundane things about, you know, purchase orders and invoices and, you know, the hotel receipts and like, I, you know. I just feel like Michael Scott, like, ahhh.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:19:31] Exactly.
Jeff Ford: [00:19:32] And there's nothing wrong with those things. And in the proper perspective, that's all part of glorifying God, right? Because we do everything as unto the Lord. And there is this element of getting out of that that is helpful. And so that's what's really great about the trip. It's really hard. Every year we have guys that are, you know, throwing up and, you know, just having problems with the altitude.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:19:53] Massive headaches.
Jeff Ford: [00:19:53] I mean, I have, day two, every time I've done it, massive headaches, massive headache. And the first few times I did not take Diamox, which is the altitude medication. I did on the third time, I remember thinking, Why did I not do this before?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:08] You just wanted to experience the full suffer fest.
Jeff Ford: [00:20:10] It is. It's like it's part of the like, I'm going to be a man and I don't need that stuff. And, man, I wish I had it. And like looking back, I'm like, you idiot.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:17] I lead an organization called Man Up, I don't need to take these pills.
Jeff Ford: [00:20:21] I don't need those pills. The pills are great, take the pills. But yeah, I think the, you know, the last night, you know, before you summit, you've got a day of of hiking. It's about a five hour day. You get into camp around lunchtime, you go take a nap, you wake up and have dinner, you go take a nap, and then they wake you up about 10:30 and you have your breakfast. Quote, unquote, breakfast and then for the next seven and a half, eight hours, you're in the darkness and it is single digits climbing up that mountain. Being from Florida, we don't experience a lot of that. And it is so painstakingly slow because of the lack of altitude or the lack of oxygen and just the pitch of the climb. I mean, you can't help but go slow. And if you go fast, you're dead. But I just think doing that hard thing and it's very difficult. You know, I have a chiropractor friends, one of my best friends and, you know, on the bottom, he was like, hey, let's have a burpee challenge when we get up there, you know. And when we finally make it to the top...
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:23] I would have been the guy to make that statement.
Jeff Ford: [00:21:25] Yes. Well, you would have been also on your back. So he's on his back. And just like I remember his knees just going in and out.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:31] How are those burpees going buddy?
Jeff Ford: [00:21:32] I'm like, you're doing a reverse burpee on your back right now. And, and we just we laugh and joke about it. But his oxygen was 31%. He had a pulse ox.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:41] That's dangerous.
Jeff Ford: [00:21:42] Dangerous. And so he was the only one of the three times that I've been who's actually taken oxygen. They're not, I don't know why they don't like to give it, but he convinced them because his pulse ox was with them. But, you know, this is a crazy thing, and because he's in great shape. In two minutes, he went from being totally out to I'm all in like, you know, all it was was that deprivation of oxygen. Nothing else had changed in our environment. Just he had more oxygen. So I think there's a spiritual lesson there.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:22:10] Yeah, yeah. Go into it a little further. Yeah.
Jeff Ford: [00:22:11] Right. Because our like, I always tell my kids, do not let anybody else determine your happiness. No one else should determine your happiness, right. You are the one who's in control of that through your relationship with Jesus, if you're satisfied in Him. So you could have the same moment, the same environment, the same everything and someone could respond negatively and someone could respond and say, You know what? This is an opportunity for growth and nothing changed except our mind. Nothing change except for our outlook. And you think we are so caught up in this materialistic world and that we judge things based on what we can see, taste, touch, smell here, right. And yet the Bible says that our battles against not that stuff, it's against invisible powers of which is the mind. The mind is an invisible thing that somehow integrates with the physical thing called a brain, but comes out in this ethereal, invisible like, and that is what actually drives your decisions, is your mind. It's just nuts. And so like that, that kind of like that oxygen deprivation thing, that's all that changed was just a small change into perspective, and he was totally fine. So when I look at that mountain, it's really hard, I mean, I have thrown up two out of the three times and I get to the top of the one kind of, you know, summit, and then you walk around the ridge. It's hard, it's cold. The one year it snowed. So not only were we deprived of oxygen, but we're hiking like we were lifting our legs a lot higher for every, so that means more oxygen that's leaving your, you need more oxygen in your legs to be able to lift it up harder or higher. So it's just hard. So but doing those hard things for me is just such a analogous to the Christian faith, right. Because you know, what is it, count it all joy when you face trials of any kind because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish its work so you be complete and lacking nothing, right. And so you look at that and you go, this is just a, a physical like manifestation of a spiritual walk that I'm on. And by doing those hard things physically, there is a direct translation to a hard things emotionally and spiritually, which are the more important things anyway.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:27] So I might, maybe I lifted this from somebody else, but I think I lifted it from you a couple months ago when you're hanging out. Did you say the expression joyfully overwhelmed? Does that sound like something you would have said?
Jeff Ford: [00:24:38] It does sound like something I would say.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:39] You remember it.
Jeff Ford: [00:24:40] I don't know if I said it, though.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:41] That's all right. You kind of just got to it a second ago, though, of the choice of other people don't have I'm I've got too many things going on to count and I'm feeling stress. I can choose joy.
Jeff Ford: [00:24:51] Choose joy.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:51] I'm pretty sure you said it.
Jeff Ford: [00:24:53] I may have, because we, we in our house, we we say choose joy all the time. That's a thing between me, my wife and I. Me and my wife, however the grammer is. We say choose joy because, it again, we have all these, there's a child therapist whose TBRI trained, trust based relational intervention, she's adopted 150 or she's fostered 150 kids, adopted 20 of them.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:18] Oh my.
Jeff Ford: [00:25:18] Amazing.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:19] Incredible.
Jeff Ford: [00:25:19] Because she does this work and she coaches and she talks about drive bys. She's says, drive bys are just these short little pithy phrases that you can have with your kids, right. And it's just such a good tip for dads like you just come up with these. Well, one of those between me and my wife is choose joy. And that's just this little reminder, in whatever situation that we're in, who's ever complaining. Usually I'm doing the whining, by the way, you know, I'm used getting the, she's telling me, choose joy.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:44] I need it. I need it.
Jeff Ford: [00:25:46] Hey Jeff, choose joy. And you're like, you're right. I got to choose to joy.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:50] Man up, while you're at it.
Jeff Ford: [00:25:52] Also, man up.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:52] Also take 10 seconds.
Jeff Ford: [00:25:53] And also take 10 seconds.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:54] So, those are your 3 drive bys?
Jeff Ford: [00:25:55] There's three of the drive bys. That we use, you know, use all the time. Couple other just one of them is not dancing. So like when the kids are really trying to or like they, you know, they, they pawn you off on each other, they go to you first and you're like, I don't know, like and you just do not really or like you say no or whatever. Then they go to your mom and they're like And when you recognize that was the, hey, not dancing. Not doing it. And they know and it's usually we'll say, no, we'll say something else, here's the reason why. And then usually on that third time, where it's like, hey, not dancing, you know. Or another one we use is asked and answered, right. You've asked it, we've answered it. It's been asked.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:26:33] Already been there.
Jeff Ford: [00:26:33] And it's been answered, so we're not, this conversation is now done. And it's just like, again, we don't do it right off the bat. It's usually like, Hey, let's see if our kids can figure this out, read the room and realize what we're saying here. And when they can't, they know, asked and answered. But all of these are the reason they're effective for our, for our kids and in our home is because we're consistent with them.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:26:56] It's so needed. I want to increase my consistency from as an area of like we still need to work there.
Jeff Ford: [00:27:03] Right and like and we all do. But like the drive bys, for whatever reason, those have been cemented in our mind.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:27:09] Like glue to help with consistency.
Jeff Ford: [00:27:10] Yeah. It's just like and you know, we've got maybe, I don't know if I sat here and thought about it, probably ten of them, twelve of them that we use. But they're just those little things that the family has, by use, by measure of use, has come to realize these are the things that kind of governance and like glue. That's a great term. I love that. I love that phrase. It's kind of glue to the family. Like, I'm getting too far off here. This is a glue that helps make me, you know, stick back to where I need to be. That's a good analogy.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:27:39] Well, one of my favorite things is to look for dad principles to pull out of stories. So, I've pulled, I've got three, I believe, dad principles out of your Mount Kilimanjaro story. So let me share my rapid fire, my three, and then see what it what resonates or what else you would pull out as kind of a landing place for this conversation. The first one was turn your phone into a brick, like turn your phone off like you guys experienced phone free joy banter, 72 hours last weekend, I turned my phone off. I've never done that before and it was actually not with my kids, I was with a group of men doing retreats and they asked us to turn our phones off. But I stopped reaching for my phone. I stopped, like, thinking about it, just like normal context. I wasn't taking photos because I didn't have a phone. I was just like, Nope, I'm just being present. So turn the phone into a brick, a paperweight, right. The second one was just go with brothers. Like do it with brothers, the team of friends, and then the team of supports. Like if we can create that, of course there's different level of maybe depth of friendships with some of your closest friends or the next round when you take your son with.
Jeff Ford: [00:28:42] Yes, yes, yes. So that trip is February 21st to March 6th, 2025.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:28:48] So you're like five months out from taking your son up to the top of the mountain. He's going to be 14.
Jeff Ford: [00:28:53] He'll be 12.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:28:54] 12. My goodness. So do it with others. Basically, do the dad life with others. My second principal and, and you'll have kind of the support, fringe people that help serve the vision and then you'll have your core friends. The third was the hiking. So I saw the video clip of headlamps, freezing cold, trudging that last eight hours in the dark starting at 10 p.m. Is that right?
Jeff Ford: [00:29:15] Yeah. 10:00 and 11:00.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:16] My goodness. The dad life, I feel like is me with a headlamp in the cold, not seeing the victories so often, right. We're just going the reps, we're doing the reps of bath time, we're doing the reps. But the video footage of sunrise at the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, like that is a little bit of the when we think of grandparents, great grandpa, the generational effect of staying present. It's like it is hard stuff and there's moments of, of there's glimmer. Oh my goodness, so many joyful moments in the dad life as well. I don't want to paint it out too like I'm expecting it's all drudgery. But there's a lot of those like, just keep walking. Don't hustle too fast. Don't go too slow. Conserve energy, I mean, I think there's a parallel there. So, those are my three. Any other dad principles that you could pull from the story of Mount Kilimanjaro?
Jeff Ford: [00:30:05] I don't know. Those are great. I'd rather just comment on those. I think the last, I think the last one is really, man, it's profound, because a lot of our walk is in the dark. And if you, you know, we go back to the scriptures where it's your light unto my feet and the lamp unto my path.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:30:23] Not, not 100 yards out.
Jeff Ford: [00:30:25] Correct.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:30:25] It's just your feet.
Jeff Ford: [00:30:26] It's just my feet. I can only see there. And I remember thinking that, you know, when I was climbing in the dark, you got a lot of time to just think. What's really cool is the the, by the way, it's not Kenya. Not, not that you thought it was. It's in Tanzania.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:30:39] Thank you. Is that the border, though?
Jeff Ford: [00:30:42] It's right on the border.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:30:42] Visible from.
Jeff Ford: [00:30:43] You can see 183 miles from the top. So, yeah, you can definitely see Kenya, but it's right there on the border.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:30:49] At least in the right continent.
Jeff Ford: [00:30:50] Yes, you are, you are the right continent. It's Africa. But, oh man, what we just talking about? I remember climbing up. These guys will sing in their native tongue and we're just, like, huffing and puffing and trying not to talk. And they're singing and we're just walking up. So it's just, it really is a spiritual moment. And so you're looking out and seeing the stars. You're hearing the humming of this song. And these are believers, so they're singing these, you know, Christian African hymns and there's just this, you know, kind of piece of okay, I don't know where the top is, but I know I'm on the right path, right. Because I have guys with me who have been there before, right. And they have, I've got a lamp that tells me at least where I know where my next step is. And it's funny because you can look up and you depending if there's if there's clouds, you can't see anything but there, one time they were clouds because it's snowing. The other two times it was clear, you could see like eventually it's going to end. But man, it was like super fuzzy.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:59] Yeah, it's the shadow of the mountain.
Jeff Ford: [00:32:01] Shadowy, exactly like, But you could look up there and see. But there was a confidence in the fact that if I just keep taking every step, I'm going to get there.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:32:10] You're reaching higher ground. It's coming. The comet is coming.
Jeff Ford: [00:32:13] It's going to be there. And so I think that that metaphor of doing like getting other guys together, we should not be waiting into a Mount Kilimanjaro experience to do that. And I think that that is the hard, one of the hardest things, because when you're, when you're stuck in the middle of life, you're trying to be a good husband, you're trying to be a good dad, you're trying to put food on the table like that is all consuming. It's like, well, who has time for other men? And I would say, You do. And you have to make the time.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:32:44] It'll save your life, having those men.
Jeff Ford: [00:32:45] Save your life. And, you know, you mentioned the 5 a.m. club. Like you got the 5:55 club. That has saved my life. I mean, honestly, that has saved my life in so many ways because I've got men who I know are going to show up basically every day of the week. You know, we don't do it on the weekends, but basically every day of the week. And they're going to hold me accountable. And then I'm going to mock them when they're not there. And that's going to bring them back in a fun way. And they're going to mock me when I say I'm too tired. And and it's like this joyful. What?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:33:16] You said joyfully overwhelmed.
Jeff Ford: [00:33:17] Joyfully overwhelmed. So like, that's, that's the part of it. But it's it's the, you know, it's the rub of those two seemingly opposite things, right. That brings completeness and wholeness and the capacity to continue on is something that is hard, is also so wonderful at the same time and it's almost like the harder it is, the more satisfying you are and it gives you strength for the next day.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:33:41] Wow. Jeff, I'm going to send our community at DadAwesome to your podcast, Patros, to Man Up, to the trips to Mount Kilimanjaro in the future. Is it full for the one in February and March? Is that one already full?
Jeff Ford: [00:33:55] No, we, we could probably take a couple of more. It's, it's really, it's really close but yeah.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:34:00] We could sneak in a DadAwesome scouts to come join you guys. We got to find somebody to represent our crew to come join in, that'd be wild. I think you did add a fourth principle, which is the singing and peace that those who have gone before us actually have the lungs at that altitude to sing.
Jeff Ford: [00:34:16] That's right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:34:17] And actually, like singing or God sings over us. My goodness. Worship, singing, it is, it is something that we we need to do more as dads. I need to do more as a dad, sing to my kids, worship, pray over them, sing over them because our Heavenly Father does it for us. There's so much, so much there. We can talk another three episodes. But it's been so fun in connecting with you deeper. And thank you for your leadership and the, the men you lead, the movement that you're inspiring and I have learned a lot in this conversation.
Jeff Ford: [00:34:52] Thank you for having me on. Been a privilege. I love you. And we even get to talk about how we connected.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:34:58] Shout out to Mark Batterson.
Jeff Ford: [00:34:59] Shout out to Mark Batterson.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:01] Which is pretty cool.
Jeff Ford: [00:35:02] Which is so wild. But what a, just an awesome man that you are. The energy that you bring. The spiritual vigor wrapped up in this idea of of dad hood and what it makes so, so much of our manhood is wrapped up in being a dad. And so just grateful for you and your ministry and glad you're in Florida, man. Because we got to do a bike ride.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:25] We have bike and work out together.
Jeff Ford: [00:35:26] We got to do a lot of things together.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:28] Your house.
Jeff Ford: [00:35:29] There's a lot of stuff we got to do.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:30] Would you say a short prayer over all of dads?
Jeff Ford: [00:35:32] Absolutely. Lord, thank You for this time. And God, I do want to lift up dads. I want to lift up dads everywhere, whether they know You or don't. If they don't know You, God, I pray that You would draw them to Yourselves, to Yourself, and that You would bring them into the family of God because there is nothing sweeter and nothing that we're created more for than to know You and to be known by You. And God for the dads that that do know You, but man, they're out there just struggling or just trying to just trying to make it. They want to do the right thing. They love You, God. Will You equip them even today. Will You send a special measure of Your spirit, may they understand and be washed over by Your love. May they know that they are enough in You that there's nothing that they can do that will make them any more valuable in Your eyes. And at the same time they have a work to do that has been given to them by You. And may they look at that work as a father and as a husband, as something that is truly image bearing, that there's something to being an image bearer of God in our, in our capacity as a father. And so I pray our kids would know that, that we would pass on this wisdom that You have given us to another generation so that they may declare Your mighty works. So we love You, Jesus, and it's in Your name that we pray these things. Amen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:36:56] Thank you so much for joining us for episode 351 with Jeff Ford. All the conversation notes, the links, the quotes, the transcripts, it's all at dadawesome.org/podcast. Guys, I want to encourage you, let's be men who are willing to step out of the normal rhythm, step out of the normal places, when we're in a new place, man, it can really help kind of rewire some of the autopilot that we drift towards. So let's not be dads who drift. Let's be dads who listen to the voice of God, who are pursuing things that matter. Let's live in a bigger story. That's what I was inspired by Jeff Ford in this conversation. Want to send you guys to his website, the ministry, there's still some spots available. I think he said 1 or 2 spots for the Mount Kilimanjaro trip and just can't wait to share more about what the work they're doing and even see maybe some more collaboration between DadAwesome and Man Up. Guys, thanks for listening. Have a great week.
-
· 10:05 - "How your children view God is directly dependent upon how they view you, therefore reflect His image today. I know that my kids are looking at me and their view of God is going to be shaped by the father that they had on earth. Their Heavenly Father, they're going to hear that language in church. How we reflect Jesus, God the Father to our kids is going to have an impact on their view of God, and I believe their sentence of Him."
· 22:34 - "This is an opportunity for growth and nothing changed except our mind. Nothing change except for our outlook. And you think we are so caught up in this materialistic world and that we judge things based on what we can see, taste, touch, smell. And yet the Bible says that our battles against, not that stuff, it's against invisible powers of which is the mind. The mind is an invisible thing that somehow integrates with the physical thing called a brain, but comes out in this ethereal, invisible, and that is what actually drives your decisions, is your mind."
Connect with DadAwesome
Learn about our Fathers for the Fatherless events in 2023:https://f4f.bike/
Follow@dadawesome on Instagram
Make a Donation to DadAwesome (tax-deductible)
Join the DadAwesome Prayer Team
Receive weekly encouragement by texting "dad" to 651-370-8618