309 | Creating Adventures, Finding Balance, and Being the Chief Fun Officer of Your Home (Kyle Depiesse)
Episode Description
After spending 13 years climbing the corporate ladder, Kyle Depiesse was burnt out and knew he needed a change. He certainly didn’t have everything figured out, but he took a single step that the Lord used to guide him towards bigger and better experiences than he could have imagined. In this episode, Kyle shares the stories and advice that shaped his life—and his adventurous parenting style.
-
Kyle Depiesse is the founder and CEO of Guys Trip, where he organizes adventurous trips and events to help men connect, have fun, and grow. Kyle is married to Lois, and they have one son, Cal.
-
· Take one step toward your goals and trust that God will bless your obedience and continue to direct you.
· Slow down the fast pace of life with a simple question: “How am I experiencing God right now?”
· Spark joy by doing things you’ve never done before as a family.
· Society puts professional success on a pedestal, so you must play defense to protect your relationships, health, finances, and more.
-
-
Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I'm going to be an awesome dad because I'm gonna give it my all.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:00:39] I just made the decision that I'm going to be the one to do that. If I'm the chief fun officer of my family, you actually got to set up some fun things to do. So, it's really not that complicated. It is just making a declaration to say, I'm going to be the one to do it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:00:54] Welcome back to DadAwesome. Today, Episode 309, I've got Kyle Depiesse, coming at you. And guys, I am giving you a Christmas gift this week. And here's what I mean, if you want to get a DadAwesome jacket, hat, t-shirts, tank top, hat, did I say hat? If you want to get some DadAwesome gear, coffee mug, you got to get that gift for yourself. And I think you waited too long, if you're listening, now, to get it by Christmas. But it could be a New Year's gift. So the DadAwesome store is still open at dadawesome.org/store. But my Christmas gift to you guys is I am featuring Kyle who has the best podcast voice you have ever heard. So I'm going to give you a Christmas gift of just listening to a really, really pleasant podcast voice. And this might be the most practical episode we've had all year. So going into Christmas weekend, I want to give you guys practical and there are so many, we hit so many topics. This is a really fun conversation. Kyle and I were laughing our way through it. But it's just short bursts of so much, there's so many takeaways you can put it right into, right into action. I want you guys, like Kyle talks about, to be the chief fun officers of your home. Let's do that this Christmas. So welcome to, this is again, episode 309, Kyle Depiesse. And guys, I want to remind you before I hit play and let you guys listen, we are praying for end of year giving as an organization. We're been three years into me being full time with this mission of DadAwesome and Fathers for the Fatherless. So I would encourage you guys, pray about making a donation. And if you're giving this huge to help us start next year is starting to the next phase with energy momentum be able to fuel what God has called us to as an organization. So as you're praying about end of year donations, dadawesome.org/give. All right that's it for the intro. Welcome to this is episode 309 with Kyle Depiesse. Two years ago, we got connected and had a phone call, first and then a crazy second phone call came in where you said, Jeff, why don't you change your plans and take a trip with me? Now, how many of your friends is that the second phone call, you're like, Hey, go on a trip with me? Is it?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:03:22] Not, it doesn't happen often. No.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:03:24] It wa,s it was a very special second phone call because it was unexpected and it led to a bunch of new friends that I had a chance to meet. This was a trip to Green Bay, Wisconsin, crafted by you, as one of your guys trips. And we'll talk a little more in this conversation about it. But it's it's to me someone who says, hey, come join me. Especially if the come join me is something that truly could change my life, truly could be a memory that I won't forget. That invitation of come join me, led to a moment where you honored your dad. So we were playing bags. We were enjoying some good barbecue in the backyard. And you unexpectedly, to all the guys on this trip, there was maybe 12 us on the trip, and and you took a moment and you shared straight to your dad in front of us. You let us witness a moment of honoring your dad. You don't have to share, like, the three key things, but would you take us into that moment just a little bit of why did you set that moment up? Because it was more than for just your dad. It really impacted all of us. And what are some of the things you said to honor your dad?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:04:23] Well, I think honoring our parents is really important. And I remember growing up, my dad is a carpenter. He had a 50 year career as a carpenter, so I learned the value of hard work from my dad. And I think as you go through life, there's a period where you want to hang out with your dad, and there's a period where you want to hang out with your friends. But then as you get a little bit older, like, Hey, I'm actually like, I can learn a lot from my dad. My dad's kind of cool. I want to hang out with my dad. And that was a relationship that I had with my dad. So I do these guys trips. I try to make them really intentional. We have a lot of fun, but there's a lot of purpose behind it. And so I had one in Green Bay. My folks are just south of Green Bay, like an hour or so. I was like, Dad, would you, would you ever want to come and kind of run the grill, like, put some brats on, do some burgers, Like we're doing a true Wisconsin tailgate? He's like, Sure. So I didn't tell him what I was going to do because I think especially as men, it's really hard for us to kind of communicate our feelings sometimes. And if I told him what I was going to do, he might be like, Oh, I don't know if I want to do that. So, I just wanted to share with the guys, like, here's some things that my dad taught me that I think would serve you. Things like, I remember he came up, I had a condo in Eden Prairie and he came out again, a carpenter, so he's really handy. I started taping, I put some, you know, those blue painter tape around the trim and stuff. So I started putting the blue painter's tape up and I would kind of trim with an edged paint, painting brush. And he comes over and he's like, Kyle, this isn't a license to be sloppy. And he taught me the value of if you're going to do something, you're going to do it right and you're going to do it well. And we take pride in what we do and the details really matter in life. And that's just one of the components. There was a couple more, but I wanted to honor him because I don't think in that moment where he was telling me that this isn't a license to be sloppy. I never said thank you. Thank you for the opportunity for me to learn from you shoulder to shoulder. That's how guys learn from each other. That's how guys kind of connect. And I never really had a chance to thank him, so, I'm giving my presentation. I'm telling the guys the three things I learned from my dad. And then I, I stopped at the end and I said, by the way, the guy back there who was cooking the brats and the burgers, that's Tom Depiesse, that's my dad. And he got really kind of, I think he kind of started to figure out what's going on. He got really embarrassed. But I think sometimes it's just really important to honor people in front of other people. And I think that was important to me and I wanted to make something really special to him. So thank people and be grateful for people while they're around. Like tomorrow's not guaranteed. And so I don't know, my dad's 74, he's in good health, but you just never know. And so thank people. And I think I'm really grateful for him and my mom and I just wanted to honor him.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:07:02] Yeah. I think there's also something to merging a moment with friends or a moment that you craft for your kind of even those guys will pull guys together for ourselves. We'll do that cabin weekend or we'll do this or that. T0 merge with generational, like those of us that our dad is still alive, to bring our dad into those moments, very special. And it is a gift for all of us if be just spending time rubbing shoulders, chatting with your dad. It was, it was a gift. Questions is something that I really appreciate about you, Kyle, the way you ask questions. And instead of just letting the conversation go wherever it goes, which is okay at times, just looking for the moment to ask a question that takes things a little deeper. And one of the questions you asked on that on that trip was, let's just all spend a little time going around and rank how you're doing 1 to 10, you can't choose seven and explain why. Is that, did I get that right?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:07:51] Yeah, seven is a cop out answer. It's kind of like, well, if I go lower than seven, people think like that might be an area of struggle. So now I'm putting myself in a vulnerable position. If I go higher than seven, like, oh, I kind of feel like I've got things figured out. So seven is a cop out answer, you can't use seven. That's kind of my philosophy.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:08:08] It was great. It took, I mean, this was an hour and a half drive. There was like four of us having a conversation around just that one simple question, But it takes someone to say, I'll go first. I'll be the guy who asked the question. It's something I really appreciate about you. Are there other questions that you tend to be like, Hey, it's a go to with a group of guys here, maybe just to give us some ammunition for future taking things a little deeper, any top of mind questions that you'll ask?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:08:31] I think one of the questions I like, I read a book called I Think it's Gratitude and Pasta, and I don't remember the author, but it just I think gratitude is really important. And so one of the questions is like, who's someone who's not here right now that maybe you've never really had a chance to thank, but that's really grateful for how you how they influenced your life and just gets guys thinking and you hear answers like, Well, I had a coach, you know, back when I was in school or I had a teacher or, you know, I had an uncle that that showed up for me in a really unique way. And I just think it gives guys a chance to stop and think, go beyond what their current situation is and maybe what they're really hung up on and and just be grateful for maybe who's had an impact or a mark on their life and maybe they haven't had a chance to thank them. Because a lot of times guys go back then after that conversation and they say, Hey, I wanted to thank you for something that you did years ago. I mean, I used to be a high school business teacher. It's one of those things like 16, 17 year olds, like they don't stop and say, thank you. But you hear from them years later and they're like, that lesson that you taught me or that time you showed up to, you know, the game, Thank you for that. That meant a lot. And when you hear that from someone, you're like, Oh, I appreciate that. So we just need to be in that cycle of gratitude more often.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:49] So that question feels like it has like a triple impact because one, the person sharing is doing a little introspection. They're doing a little processing, out loud. Which is good for all of us to just go into kind of a gratitude moment. Two, they're sharing the story actually helps the room get to know them and what's shaped them and who are the people that shaped them. And then three, now it might that nudge of they vocalized honor in that moment and gratitude, that person's still alive. Why? Why? Why not let that seed go take root like you're saying, and go back to them? So versus just saying, hey, who's, who's someone you look up to or it's a who's a superhero that you wish you could meet? Yeah, that's a good one. Do you have another one? Another question top of mind?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:10:24] If you remember, I think on that sprinter van, on that drive, I think we're going to Black Wolf Run, right. We did golf. I think one of the questions that came up was how have you experienced God lately? And I think that's such a powerful question to ask. We actually ask a version of that with my wife and I and our six year old son. We get together for dinner at night. We always say like, what are you grateful for today? And then another question that we just recently installed into this habit is how have you experienced God today? His goodness, maybe His mercy, How have you experienced it? And so it just forces you to pause and think, instead of like glossing over like little things, it forces you to think back to like how how have I experienced God? Maybe what are some, and then you start looking for it throughout the day. Wherever you have, you know, your focus is where some of that energy goes and then you start finding it more. So I think that's a really cool question is like, where have you experienced God? It is just quickly, dinner at night with your family, Just throw that in. And I think it brings up some really cool conversation.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:11:26] Well, let's both take a swing at that one. I'll go first, because I think it's just fun to give the guys examples. So I was on the ice, the ice was not thick enough to walk on yet, at my mother in law's house with my daughters. And I just prepped them. We're going to get wet. We're going to we're going to fall through. And we went down to the ice. And just I mean, we're we're talking six inches of water like and we walking along the edge, but just watching these cracks, kind of like zinging through the ice in the bubbles and the joy and delight of are we going to fall through, are we not? There's there's a whole trust parallel there. But it was there was a moment of I saw God in that moment. So it doesn't take real, the end, the clouds parted and like this is just a simple moment with my girls that the frozen water is unbelievable. If you take a time to pause and experience it.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:12:11] Yeah. And how the ice cracks and makes noises. We had a recent experience to, we're at the lake and half of our lake is frozen. So Cal and I would take a rock, we kind of like slide it across the ice and it makes like that reverberation sound is just beautiful. But we were walking at the cabin recently, just Lois, myself and Cal, and our dog, and we're walking through a trail. There's no one out there. There is acres and acres of nothing. And all of a sudden you kind of hear like the wind blowing through the tops of the trees. And here we are, I mean, we're in Minneapolis and it's the concrete jungle, so we don't. But you think about that, like how cool. I mean, our God is is a is a God of creation. And think of how amazing this is that we can be here and you listen to the wind blow through and make this amazing sound through the pine, the pine trees and you're like, Cal, how cool is this? And he stops for a couple seconds and we just sit there and listen, and you can experience God like, Man, we need more moments like that in our life.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:13:06] In both of our examples are out in creation, not in conference room, like we're in right now. So, and that's really our entire friendship has been outside connection, doing things, activities. So that's probably just nudger for all of us, no matter what the weather is. Is it rainy? Is it cloudy? Let's be outside more with our kids, there's a tangible. Before I jump into my next kind of area of questions, we've we've talked a little bit about this trip to Green Bay but I want to give a little more context for the guys listening so they can go check out your website, the experiences that you're offering in 2024. So these guys trips, maybe three years, how many years have you been hosting them?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:13:37] Since 2019.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:13:39] Oh, yeah. Okay. So four years now. These, the trip that I got to go on, was a crafted experience. Four days, three nights, I think. We got to experience a tour of Lambeau Field. We had a professional football player take us through training exercises on turf, which was like stretching for all of us. Pass past experience. We spent some really great food, intentional conversations, some goal setting exercises and some phenomenal golf. Golf like I've never seen before and shot, a shot that you attempted out of a sand trap that will forever go down as one of the most amazing, the most amazing sand trap shot I've ever seen in my life. Backwards up and over, the weirdest, on your knee, outside on a bur, backwards shot.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:14:18] It was crazy.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:14:19] So, but the experience was crafted for men that flew in from not only our country, but you had a couple of guys out of the country, to share a like purposeful. Not, it's not at all, hey, let's just get away and numb out. It's a very purposeful experience that brought new relationships together and then challenged us all to how, how how do we define success? How do we see success? What are we leaniing into and pressing into? So would you just add to that? How do you kind of explain the vision of why Guys Trip exist?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:14:48] So I have a corporate America background like 15 years, but that whole background, I would say all it was about for me was just climbing the ladder, like just trying to get to the next rung up the ladder. And it felt like every rung I would go up, I would just be getting further and further away from my authentic self and what I thought it was supposed to be doing. So I got to this point where I was really burnt out, really exhausted. I had no meaning, there was no purpose in it. And I had this rock bottom moment and I'm at the top of the ladder. I'm like, What am I doing? This isn't what I thought. I thought I would get happiness and fulfillment and satisfaction up here. But for what does a man profit if he gains the whole world but loses his soul? And I thought I was losing my soul on this quest for more, bigger and better. So I left corporate America, became a high school business teacher. It's quite a pivot, but I love, I found what I loved, the process of uncovering, learning for people. And so I taught for a few years. I knew that would be temporary, given the ultimate promotion to a stay at home dad.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:15:48] Yes.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:15:49] Truly, truly the best. The gift of being home with my son. But the unintended gift of a blank canvas, a white piece of paper. So what do I want to create? And so I asked myself, what could I create that would have really benefited me when I needed it, when I was really burned out? Think of a guy who's got success on paper, but he's empty in life. What would that guy really need? So I thought, Well, what if I just throw this really cool experience on the North Shore of Minnesota on Lake Superior. We landed helicopters at the resort. It was at Larsmont, it was kind of local. It did some guided hikes, private chefs, on a cold plunge before it was cool and trendy like it is now. And oddly enough, all guys showed up. So that was not my intention. I didn't market it to all guys. I think God's like, you got to do you need to do this. And it was obvious to me that guys don't have a space where they can talk about things that really matter in life. Like personally, professionally, I got a space to go get a beer and wings and talk about sports, but they don't have a place to share, like, Man, this is what's going on. I don't feel comfortable talking about this with other people, but if you create this container and I have a ton of fun in it, maybe we put some sweat on a floor with a workout or something like that. And then at the end of the day we can talk about things that matter. And so that's what I learned in 2019. And I have a friend introduce you to Joel, Malm. He talks about long obedience in the same direction over a period of time gets blessed. And so I just kept doing it again and again and again. Of course, there's been setbacks, there's been doubt, there's been fear, there's been failure, all that stuff. But I just kept doing it. And here we are four years later, 15, 16 events and trips later, and next year we've got even more. But it's been a process of learning and just creating things that I think I would have needed brotherhood, friendship, conversations that matter and truly push guys in the direction of just getting better, better as husbands, fathers and leaders at work.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:17:52] You know, you can look at what you created, what you've created as it's all about the places, it's all about the experiences. I would say far secondary to the people that have said yes. So you have, the people who came and then the people who are being invited from it. It's a very much a word of mouth. And now we're we're spreading this word of mouth a little further to DadAwesome. But it's it's the people and your heart and your intentionality in who you are really does kind of come out into all aspects of, and again, I've experienced one of those of those experiences and I have already been inviting others. So thank you. The other thing that's just uncommon and we just need more men who will be willing to take a massive change in this is the career trajectory. That's seems forced or needed for all of us. And there's a lot of us who feel like there's no way I could pull that off what you did. Go from this trajectory to teacher, to stay at home dad, to doing something, a dream business that you've started to create these experiences. I think I want to encourage through stories, real stories, more of our guys to prayerfully consider, well, what if I did take a step that felt like a step back and it was the set up for the blank canvas? T was a massive step forward. How would you, I know we could spend a whole series of podcasts on that specific question, but any just thoughts around what caused you to have the courage to do it? And how would you guide somebody who is chewing on like what would it look like to maybe take a step back or take a pause so I have that blank canvas?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:19:20] I feel like a lot of times life is looking out of the window of a high speed bullet train and you can't see anything clearly like it's everything is a blur. So I think what you have to ask is how do I get myself into a position where I can maybe see clearly? How do I get myself into a position where I can maybe hear from God more? Because we're so busy, life is so fast paced that we just cannot slow down enough to know like, Hey, what is, maybe what is God calling me to do? What's that little nudge that's going on in my heart? I think that's the first thing. But second, it would come down to one word if you asked me one word, Kyle, How do you summarize this? It's obedience. But to go further, I didn't have everything figured out, like you're here, four years later, we just did the Inca trail. It was, we had a training plan for the guys. It was written by someone who trained SEAL Team six and the U.S. Olympic shooting team. Like, Are you crazy? Like, I could never have saw that happening. Only thing I could see was my first trip. The only thing I could see was my first step. I think that's all you have to have because you can't steer a bicycle if the bicycle is not in motion. But if you can just get something moving in a direction, you can kind of course correct as you see. And I think we all get stuck on like, oh, I have to have this thing figured out. I got to have a business plan. It's got to be ten years down the road. I have to have figured out. I just, I would challenge you to think is, what is one step in an act of obedience that you can do to start to move towards it, trust that God is going to continue to direct that path and I think honor you taking action? And so that's what I would encourage people with.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:00] Yeah, so good. I think settling is common fo,r I'm in my forties now, and you're in your forties, like settling in. It's the career that I just need to settle here and not take risks. Settle in the area of maybe physical challenges or push myself physically. Settle, maybe even travel or new experiences that might stretch me. What what's your encouragement to someone who listening that feels like, Oh, I have settled in a few areas and this might get to some of the balance sheets stuff, we can get into that a little bit. But to the settled, the dad who's at least moving towards being settled versus living like a pioneer, that's that's, that's a dream I have for all of us is like let's be higher pioneers, exactly? What encouragement?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:21:44] I think I asked myself this question and I think a lot of us come upon this point in time. Maybe it's, I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it's 15 years into a career-ish and you're hitting about 40. And so you ask yourself, okay, you're a golfer. Maybe if you're listening, you're a golfer. It's kind of like we're making the turn from the front nine to the back nine. And you get upon this this point where you have to reflect. You say, okay, why did life this way for 15 years, do I want to keep doing life that way for 15 years, for another 15 years? And the answer to that question for me was no. Like I didn't have meaning and purpose at my work. I didn't feel like I was making an impact that was driven by materialism and all these other things. I just really kind of woke up and I said, I just I can't keep doing life this way. That's not how I want to show up. It's not what I feel like is on my heart. So if I'm not going to do it now, when am I going to do it? And I think we're so used to being comfortable in the situation that we're in, make good money, have a good title, all these things. So why would I want to, you know, why would I want to shake that boat? But you continue on that way and this thing that might be inside of you nudging you on your heart, that nudge will just continue to get stronger and stronger and stronger.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:23:05] Let me just interrupt you, though, does it get stronger or does it actually quiet down if you, if you ignore it for long enough? What do you think?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:23:11] I think eventually it'll get louder. I think we can push things down for a little bit, but at some point, like a pressure release, it might come up in a really big way later on. So if we're really good, I think men are really good at, here's the thing, I don't think problems occur in isolation, problems spread. So if you've got if you're like, Man, I got this thing at work, I don't love it, but it's kind of working out. Eventually it's going to seep over into other categories of life. And so you can men are good at building walls around things, but eventually it's going to come to a head. And so that's that was true in my case. I think some, maybe some people are just more strong willed than I am. And at some point, maybe, maybe they can keep pushing it down. But I think it comes to the surface.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:23:55] Yeah. I made a list of words when I thought about this conversation with you. Like words to describe Kyle.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:24:00] Yeah and I'm excited to know what these are.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:02] I have thirty words, and this is not common. This is not my approach to doing a podcast. But it's, it was fun for me to say, oh, this, this, this all describe and actually comfort is not on here. Settled is not on here. And I would love, before exposing a few of my words, Cal, your six and a half, is he seven now?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:24:22] Seven in March.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:23] Yeah, almost seven. If your son, what are maybe, because I got to play Catch with hi for a little bit, up at your cabin. What would you maybe two or three words that he would use to describe Dad? Let's start with his list.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:24:35] I think I think he would say, I think he would say fun. I mean, if I can be the CFO in my family, the chief fun officer, that's mission accomplished.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:47] By the way, that's on my list.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:24:48] Is it really?
Jeff Zaugg: [00:24:49] One for one word. Okay. I'm on the same page as Cal.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:24:52] I think he would say, well, he may not know this word, but something to the effect of adventurous. Something to the effect of, likes to do new things. And I think he would say, I think he would say caring. Because I really work hard at that. And so I think those might be the words that he would say. I'm going to ask, I'm going to ask him later on.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:18] Okay. So if you, if like being a great host or hospitality, I didn't use the exact word caring, but I'd be three for three if you tied those two. Okay, this is helpful. This is going to inform where we go. Now, Lois, your wife, what are maybe two or three of the words she would use to describe?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:25:34] Spontaneous. She would also say adventurous and she would say a dreamer.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:39] So, let's start with the last one, dreamer. And what we're going to do is just riff on some of these words, in transferable ways that impact me and the other guys, of just Why, like, why would this be important as a dad, as a man? So why is it important to be a dreamer?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:25:52] I have always felt that I cast vision and that's maybe it's an inherent strength or something that I have, but I'm always someone who thinks way into the future. I have this little process with Lois, right, where I say we need to make really good end of the dock decisions here. And we have a lake, so there's a dock at it. I just envision us when we're older, sitting at the end of the dock together and reflecting on our life, saying, was that a good decision? Are we proud of that now? And so that's how I kind of look. And so she's like you, you just think so far into the future. And I don't know, that's just something that we're I've always been that way. I love to daydream. I love to think really, really big. And we balance perfectly because she's really good at execution. And she's not someone who thinks that that far in the future. So we balance each other well.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:26:44] End of the dock. I love that with legacy thinking and long, long range. Fun, how do you make running Hills with your son? Because you want him to be strong and you want to, you're like, Let's get strong together. How do you make Running Hills fun?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:26:55] That's a really good question. If you've got the answer for that, I'll take it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:26:58] So that's a specific one you don't know.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:27:00] I would say like he needs to know that dad does it with him and he needs to know that dad will go first. And when he sees that, he's all in. So we do it together. I don't just say, I don't have a whistle, alright Cal, You got to go do your thing. Like I do it with him. I think he takes so much joy in doing things together. Whether it's reading a book, going for a boat ride, walking through the snow in the forest or running a hill, it doesn't matter as long as we get to do it together.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:27:27] Adventure. There's some some dads are like, That's just not my thing. Adventure. Why would adventure from a dad perspective, why is it important to bring some adventure, impart that for our kids?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:27:38] I am so excited to talk about this. For the last three years, I've taken him on what I call dude venture. So like dude adventure. And I just realized when he was younger, again, I'm thinking in the future, I want to think about how do I do maybe some rites of passage things with him and kind of welcome it into manhood. I want to start it now when he's three. So what does he like to do? How do I craft something that we could do together? So once a year he knows, Hey, we're doing this thing. He's somehow really hooked on Waterparks. So we've gone to the same water park for three years in a row.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:28:12] I love these trips.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:28:12] But he knows that it's just, it's just dad and him. And he knows that for two nights we're going away. We are with each other all day. We're in the water park and at the end of day, we'll go get maybe pizza and do ice cream. And the next day we get to do it again. And that is all he talks about. So he has the next several dude ventures planned out in his head. I don't think he's ready for some of the ones that he wants to do, and maybe Dad's not ready either, but he he's so excited about it. So I make it about him. I make it a tradition. I think that's really important. And then when he gets a little bit older, he knows like, Hey, we're just this is a dude venture, We're doing this together. And then as he gets a little bit older, we can start talk about things as he gets into adulthood, manhood that we can have better conversations because it's just a part of our tradition.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:28:58] You laid the groundwork. You're laying it younger years, I mean, over the last three years here. There's no intentional, we need to have this chat, you're creating this for shared moments and you put it on the calendar. Dad takes time off work. It's one on one. There's drive time, there's anticipation, there's moments, there's laughter, there's stories to tell later. I mean, really, even if it's not, again, our thing, it's just like, Hey, I'll just go do the same thing we always do. We'll do it with the whole family instead of one on one. You lose a lot if you just stay and play it safe versus...
Kyle Depiesse: [00:29:28] Yep, I love that.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:29] DadAwesome was called, for one episode, it was called Dad Ventures. So you put a D at the front of Adventures. It was all about dads having adventures with kids. That was like a part of like the very first, my wife, Michelle, she watched the episode and said, Nah, don't call it that. But it's still in our DNA. Dads doing adventures. Dudes going, and I've got a son call it, Rip it off, right.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:29:52] Maybe you'll see the domain names available. I'm going to Google that.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:53] Yeah, snag it first. Snag it first. Okay, let's go to, again, I have 30 of these. Let's go to curiosity. Why, why is it helpful for a dad to stay curious?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:30:06] I think we learn a lot when we put ourself in the position of being a beginner. I think when you're a beginner you have to have a sense of wonder and curiosity. So I think that's what I would say about that.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:30:19] Yeah. Brilliant. Pause. Think about that dock. I think about conversations we've had about just pause, the pile of wood needs to be split, I'm just going to pause for a second and take in the sound of the trees, right. Why is pausing, I see all these things I'm bringing up, I see in you and I admire. I'd like you to riff on instead of reflecting how you do it, yeah, how can we step into and why is it important to pause?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:30:45] I think to go back to the analogy of the high speed bullet train, life is not getting slower, life is getting faster. And think about what a traditional day looks like. You've got work. And at the end of the day, I mean, kids are in how many activities. And I hear dads talk about they got to go to here than they got to do pickup here than you got to get this. And if you can just take a minute and maybe even have intentional questions to ask yourself, like maybe that's, maybe that's the cheat code. Maybe that's the hack, what am I grateful for? How do I, how am I experiencing God right now? And just ask yourself some questions and reflect. I don't think we give ourself the gift of reflection and we don't give ourself the gift of solitude enough. And sometimes maybe there's things that just bubble up to the surface. And when you pause and you reflect and you're in solitude, you can allow those things that come up to the surface.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:34] Yeah. This next one, the word is wisdom, but it's your pursuit of wisdom is what I'm grabbing on to. I mean, you are wise and I've gained wisdom from you, but I'm focused on your pursuit of wisdom. You did a 30, 31 day Proverbs challenge, and this is free resource for the guys if they follow you on Instagram, all those videos are still up, of you reflecting one chapter at a time, one day at a time. The pursuit of wisdom, yeah, talk about that.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:32:00] It's funny you say that. I don't think I'm wise and I feel like I have to go and constantly be in the pursuit of wisdom myself.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:32:09] Needed. Yeah.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:32:10] And it isn't like this one time thing and you get it. It is a constant quest for it. And so where do you turn to me is like, well, what better than Proverbs? And I think it's really important to go through that 31 days, in several months of the year, there's 31 chapters in Proverbs. It'll take you 5 minutes to do it. So it just seemed like that lined up for me and I know several wise people in my life, including, I give a shout out to my father in law, who doesn't listen to podcasts, so he probably won't listen to it. But he has Proverbs memorized like he's got, he could just go like this with Proverbs, and he instilled that into his kids, one of which is my wife. And so I try and go through Proverbs with Cal in the morning as well and just have him start to memorize. And so I do that with my son, and I just think it's a really fun way to learn together.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:32:59] And you took it beyond, though, just those 5 minutes it takes to read, process with your son. You actually brought exercise into the reflection process. So I'm assuming, so you probably, instead of listening to an audiobook or this or that, like you actually took time to ponder what you just read.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:33:13] Yeah. You, I would grab a verse that I caught in that chapter that I thought really spoke to me in the morning, and then I would just grab my phone. I put my rock on my back and start walking, and then I would just pray through it for a little bit. I would rehearse it, I'd memorize it, I'd keep speaking it, and eventually I just held the phone up and said, This is what I learned. This is what I would love to impress upon you. And it was cool to watch the response to that.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:33:38] Yeah. Joy And specifically the story I thought about was us trying out these powered air foils. We're surfing on these hydrofoil blades. And this was all, again, your neighbor hooked up with this experience, but you crafted the experience by inviting me up to join you. Joy and delight and just like, you know, I was getting kicked off and thrown in the lake and swimming back over to it. Joy, how can we and why do we need to infuse more joy and how can we, how can we spark some of that for our families?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:34:10] I think sparking joy is by doing things you've never done before. And I don't think when you, I think when you came up, I don't know that you've done it before. It was your first time. You were incredible for doing it. I was like, You're way better than me. I've done this a few times. But I think again, like putting yourself to be a beginner and if you can do it with your family, like you all experience something for the first time. What a joyful moment that is. And so maybe it's just say, once a month, once a quarter, like, let's find something new that we've all never done before and let's just all go do it together. Let's all learn together. Let's be silly, let's laugh, let's laugh at each other. And you create a concrete memory and a moment, on top of all that.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:34:48] This plays off of, you know, I said, sparking joy, but just being a spark and when someone who says I'll go first and take really initiative, is probably the word. I see this in you. Grateful for this. I've been, I've benefited from your initiative. You go first. You say, Hey, come with me. Why, why do we need more dads to take initiative?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:35:07] It's happened too many times, I'm sure you experienced it to, where you get with, you get together with people and they say, Hey, this has been a lot of fun. Like, let's let's do this again soon. Will whoever does it? No one ever does it. So I just decided one day that connection, relationships are really important to me. We always talk about this. No one does it. I'm going to be the guy to just coordinate it, set it up, do the invitation, and it turns out there's there's a business behind that. So I just made the decision that I'm going to be the one to do that if I'm the chief fun officer of my family, you actually got to set up some fun things to do. So it's really not that complicated. It is just making a declaration to say I'm going to be the one to do it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:49] And then the last one that I'll take, I won't hit all 30 today. This is fun, though.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:35:53] I like the format.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:35:54] It's generosity and being, regardless of where the exact moment of income for the family or wealth just choosing to live into, it's who I am as someone that's generous and I'm grateful because I've seen you like this out. Why, why, generosity? Why, why would that help our families go in a better direction?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:36:14] Well it's biblical. And so I think it's an act of obedience. Probably first and foremost, that's how we look at it. And I think we're pretty on the interpretation of it. I don't think there's a lot of room for error there. So I think that's an act of obedience. And I think again, I think God blesses obedience and it's just something that we've always done. And we took it a step further when our paths connected. I don't know if you know the full story. Is it okay if I kind of shared some of the story? So when we had Cal, I was a teacher. He was born in March, so Lois took her maternity leave and we prayerfully thought through and considered, How are we going to do this? Like, I'll finish the school year. Do I renew my contract? I'm driving 65 miles one way to teach. It's a long time to be gone. And she loved her job. It was flexible. And so we decided that I would be the one to stay home for a season. And the end of her maternity leave lined up coincidentally perfect with the end of the school year. And so when the end of the school year was up, I became the stay at home dad. And so I'm sitting home with my son and I'm just thinking to myself, Now remember, my frame of reference is I'm in the classroom and I'm making the observation that a lot of times students that are struggling with academics also struggling with behavior, There's a common theme. And you probably know what the theme is, it's related to a relationship with their dad and like, this breaks my heart that I get to be home with my son and to no fault of other people, they don't have that same gift. I think God just really spoke to me, but I didn't know what to do with it. I'm like, Does this mean I got to start a nonprofit and try to figure this out? I didn't know what that meant right away until our paths crossed, because it was important to me to support other kids that maybe don't have this opportunity that I have sitting here with my son. And so our paths crossed and we just, we just went hard and really went, double down on we got to support this mission. It's important to us. It's a calling on our heart. You're doing it. I don't have to do it Like this is this is great. Like, I'm not, I think when we're called, we're called to something, we don't know how to do it. And we tend to think that we have to have this stuff all figured out. That might not be the case. We connected. We've got a great relationship, and now I can support this way because you're doing the thing that I don't know how to do, and it's beautiful how this all works together, that you can be a part of something in a way that maybe you didn't imagine before.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:38:52] Wow. I did not know that full story, Kyle. And the the idea of paying attention to pain or passion of like, where am I moved? And some of those spheres, like, like men moving from the wrong definition of success, that area of being moved, you actually take practical action of helping to address that. But there's other areas that move you. And you can't say yes to all these areas. So this area of fatherlessness moves you and you align instead with generosity, with support and care and encouragement of me. And I think all of us really can prayerfully say which domains am I supposed to step into with my action and my time and which spheres, because there's probably other ones, that I can step into with generosity. And God invites us to do both. And there's joy in both. So yeah, thiwslightly connects with, with the theme of generosity, but we can't be generous if we're taking out in any kind of a battle scenario. There's offense and there's defense in athletic scenario, you can go whatever one you want, you can use, but there's offense, defense. I've heard you talk about Proverbs, how it aligns and brings wisdom for the offensive and wisdom for the playing defense, we don't get to takeen out. Anyone who's taken out, can't live generously. Can't live with all these words that I described you and kind of affirmed and and we talked about applicable to all of us dads. None of that's possible if w're taken out. And so how do you think about offense, defense? Can you kind of frame up how you think about that and take it from the Proverbs?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:40:21] One of the verses that really sticks out is guard your heart. And I think that we are, men and everyone, is constantly under attack and you have got to protect all the things that you are given responsibility for. There's another great verse that we should be diligent to know the state of our flocks and tend to our herds. And I gather most people listening don't have flocks of sheep, but the principle is you're given responsibility over things and stewardship over things. And culture has put this notion of professional success on a, on a pedestal. But a lot of times what we don't see behind the scenes are fractured relationships that have been caused as a result of that path that people have taken or estrange relationship with children or consequences to health or loneliness or addiction, etc., etc., etc. because we are sacrificing all these other things for the sake and at the altar of professional success and you have to play both offense and defense to protect all these things like your health, your body, your relationships, your marriage, finances, faith, all these other things. And so I think that's really important and a lot of people just don't pay attention to that as much. And what we've done at Guys Trip is create a balance sheet where guys can just take inventory and say where am I, where am I, where am I at with this? How am I doing in my marriage? And if it's not going well, how do I improve on that? And so to see it on paper, what gets measured gets improved and we measure what matters. So if I can see it on paper, I can check in on this quarterly and how am I doing and how do I improve and how do I continue to take steps to be on offense to make it better. And so those are some of the ways that I do it in some of the ways that we do it at Guys Trip.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:42:01] Yeah, fantastic. Stay at home dad advice, just any kind of top of mind? And it's a small percentage but it's an amazing percentage of men listening our stay at home dads. What would you encourage them with?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:42:14] I think you have to find a way for you to authentically parent according to you. And what that looks like for you is something that's tough to tell. But I think you should ask a few questions like how do I make this fun? And I think that's one of the most important questions to ask and stop looking at how other people might be doing it. But like, how can you make this fun? And some people maybe chose to be in that situation. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know the background, but just just have some fun. I remember going to Kindermusik, here in the cities with Cal, and Cal was two ish and it's all stay at home moms and me. And and he's he's doing these things like parents are, parents are encouraged to participate, like, dance with kids. And I'm like, What? This is like, I am in, so I'm just like, I'm just going to embrace this. I am going to shed my ego and stop caring about what other people think, because the only one that matters to me right now is my son. And so how do I stop caring about what I people don't think about how I dance and just dance.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:43:18] Yes!
Kyle Depiesse: [00:43:19] And just have fun and like, stop thinking about what are people thinking about me? Stop caring about that and just care about what your child thinks about you.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:43:28] And then maybe as a as a landing place, there's a spreadsheet. I know you're a spreadsheet guy. I have a spreadsheet as well. But you've created one that really helps understand how precious these years are, and how, man, after and without, you don't think it through all the nuts and bolts, but what did the spreadsheet reveal? What did you kind of prove out through your spreadsheet that matters to us?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:43:49] So I heard someone share a number, a statistic on how like how much time we have with our kids. I thought, there's no way that that's true. No way that that's possible. So I did what all nerds do and I went to excel and I plug things into Excel. And sure enough, I figured out that according to some assumptions, which you don't have time to get into, but I'm happy to share the spreadsheet with someone.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:44:09] Yes.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:44:10] But by the time that your child turns 18, 90% of the time that you're ever going to have with them is in the rearview mirror. And you think about it like, how is it, you know, But then when you sit down, you put the numbers in that make sense. You're with them so much more. I heard someone talk about it this way, like so my parents are 74. Let's say they lived to 80. So people were like, Oh, I got six years of my parents. If you see them twice a year, you have 12 experiences left with them. That should shift everything for you. And so that's just I'm really interested in looking at ways that challenge my my thinking and give me new perspectives because that should cause me to to grow and change and maybe do things differently.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:44:52] I want to make sure because you answered two questions there, which I love, but thinking the other direction instead of just doing the math of how much time that I have with my four daughters. Thinking about my mom and thinking about as our family moves to Florida, you know, maybe it is three or four times a year, just like you said, and start to do the math out. And she's very healthy. So grateful. But these are treasured, four day trips when she goes down, seven day trips. These are treasured. And I probably if I actually had a spreadsheet and marked it in that direction would treasure them more. And that's life is we forget to treasure the things we should treasure most. So thank you for the encouragement on that side as well. Is there any topic we didn't hit that, you were like, Oh, this would be fun to share with DadAwesome? Any, anything that didn't come up?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:45:35] No, You know, I haven't gone, I feel bad. I haven't gone to an event yet.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:45:40] Fathers for the Fatherless. Not yet.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:45:42] Because I'm in, I mean, Grand Forge, in northern Minnesota. But we talked earlier before hitting record, and I'd love to participate because you talked about the Tough Mudder where you can bring your children with you. I'm like, Oh, man, like, maybe I can parlay that with on our way down to do a dude venture to Kalahari, Wisconsin Dells. And so I'm thinking in my head like, I would love to participate in some way because you are giving guys such a unique opportunity to train for something, commit to something, be a part, like we want to belong to something. And then you're giving an opportunity for your kids to see their dads go through something tough and challenging, and then you flip it around and now the dads get to do something with their kids that are tough and challenging and like, what a beautiful opportunity. So I want to be a part of that. I need to know the dates. And so if anyone's listening, I'd love to see you there. I'm going to shout you out right now, because I think that would be really cool.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:46:37] Well, if you think about it as a, if you incorporate the dad adventure, dude venture, you really could drive from, you know, you could drive from 10 hours away if you want, to the upper Midwest. It's in Minnesota, it's the last Saturday of June in 2024. And yeah, I'll share more info. The registration isn't quite open on our end, but it is open on the side of Tough Mudder. So and it's a team of men doing this ten mile, all these obstacles and then our kids get a chance to do the half mile, the mile or the two mile. So let's go Fathers for the Fatherless with a lot of getting muddy and doing hard things.
Kyle Depiesse: [00:47:07] Ah, so good.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:47:07] Teams of men. So, Kyle, thank you for being a part of this day. So would you would you pray over all the dads listening?
Kyle Depiesse: [00:47:12] Yeah, I would love to. Yeah. Lord, we just thank you for this time together with Jeff. We thank you for everyone who's taking time out of their busy day, Lord, we know that life is busy, but men have decided to tune in today. We just pray that something lands with them. Something has opened up and maybe caused something new and and causes them to show up as better fathers and husbands and leader in their work. We pray that these men would continue to lead. We know that there's a lot of distractions. There's a lot of things going on in life that that could pull them away from the calling that You have on them to be husbands and fathers and just pray that You continue to strengthen them. Continue to encourage them, help them to be the CFOs of their family, and continue to strengthen that relationship with their kids. And we ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:48:07] Thank you so much for joining us this week for episode 309 with Kyle Depiesse. Guys, I am so excited for you, this weekend, going into Christmas, the extended weekend, let's be the chief of fun officers. I love that framework. There are so many other takeaways that Kyle talked about and they're all going to be in the transcript, the key takeaways, the key quotes. All of this is going to be a dadawesome.org/podcast and you can just find episode 309 right there at the top. Guys, as we head into Christmas, I just want to encourage you, let's be savoring these moments. Let's be dads who savor these moments with our kids. I told Kyle this, right before we hit record, I was working on preparation notes and getting all my notes together for the podcast. My two youngest daughters, they said, Dad, can we play Tickle, Wrestle, tag? And it was really easy for me to say, lean towards my first answer, I've got to prep this before I leave the house and meet Kyle. But I chose them in that moment. It didn't take that long. And guys, I just feel like there's so many things tugging at, tugging at our attention, and let's give our full attention to these treasures. Our kids, man, they are gifts and let's let them know that they are gifts by our full attention, our full hearts, our shining eyes. Let's be chief fun officers and let's bring our full presence this Christmas weekend. Guys, thanks for listening. Thanks for being DadAwesome for your families. Merry Christmas, guys.
-
· 16:41 - "It's really important to honor people in front of other people. Thank people and be grateful for people while they're around. Tomorrow's not guaranteed."
· 31:01 - "If you can just take a minute and maybe even have intentional questions to ask yourself, maybe that's the cheat code. Maybe that's the hack, what am I grateful for? How am I experiencing God right now? Just ask yourself some questions and reflect. I don't think we give ourself the gift of reflection and we don't give ourself the gift of solitude enough. And sometimes there's things that just bubble up to the surface And when you pause and you reflect and you're in solitude, you can allow those things that come up to the surface."
Connect with DadAwesome
Learn about our Fathers for the Fatherless events in 2023:https://f4f.bike/
Follow@dadawesome on Instagram
Make a Donation to DadAwesome (tax-deductible)
Join the DadAwesome Prayer Team
Receive weekly encouragement by texting "dad" to 651-370-8618