291 | Defining Family Values, Living Out Your Faith, and Following Gideon’s Example (Joe Ostrem, Tyler Van Eps, and Dago Darezzo: Part 1)
Episode Description
In this conversation, four fathers sit around a campfire to discuss all things fatherhood. You’ll be inspired and equipped to live out your family values, lead by example, and engage in significant spiritual conversations within your brotherhood.
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Tyler Van Eps and his wife have four children and describe themselves as a quintessential Minnesota family.
Originally from Brazil, Dago Darezzo and his wife have two sons and enjoy being active as a family.
Joe Ostrem and his wife met as kids and are now parents to four daughters.
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· Identify your family values, define them, and create “I will” statements based on your definitions.
· You can know you are succeeding as a father when your kids ask questions about how you live out your faith.
· Take note of the stories that demonstrate your child growing closer to Jesus.
· Based on the example of Gideon, what beliefs do you need to tear down and rebuild in a way that pleases the Lord?
· When did you last have a vulnerable spiritual conversation with your brotherhood?
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Podcast Intro: [00:00:01] Being a great father takes a massive amount of courage. Instead of being an amazing leader and a decent dad, I want to be an amazing dad and a decent leader. The oldest dad in the world gave you this assignment, which means you must be ready for it. As a dad, I get on my knees and I fight for my kids. Let us be those dads who stop the generational pass down of trauma. I want encounters with God where He teaches me what to do with my kids. I know I’m going to be an awesome dad because I’m gonna give it my all.
Dago Darezzo: [00:00:39] One thing that we started doing is taking notes or taking inventory of everything they share. So we have a shared notes, simple notes in our phone, Bruna and I. So if they say something funny, stupid, we take note. If they say something that’s very aligned to our values, we take note. If they see something that’s getting closer to our faith journey or getting closer to Jesus, we take note, just so we have that inventory and we can go back.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:01:01] This is episode 291 of DadAwesome. And guys, I have something special for you today. My wife, Michelle, has encouraged me over the past few years to try to go as practical as possible. And she’s like, Why don’t you gather a group of dads to talk about intentional fatherhood, talk about this journey around a campfire? It’s been her idea for a long time. It’s hard to pull off the technology wise just with all the background noises. You’ll hear some of that today. It’s hard to pull off relationally, because these guys have to know and trust one another. And I’ve been traveling the country, as many of you know, and I reached out to three of my buddies who are close friends. So Tyler, Joe and Dago said yes to an invitation to sit around a campfire for a couple of hours and talk about the dad life. This is the first ever DadAwesome campfire conversation recorded like this that hits a wide range of topics. Brothers who know each other well, who care deeply about bringing the love of God to the lives of their kids, their families. But they also love each other, and they just believe that brotherhood makes all the difference. So, guys, this is a real treat. This is the first half of my campfire conversation with Joe, Dago and Tyler. And we we’re going to go into that in just a second. I just want a quick remind you, some of you have heard this, DadAwesome has a new website dropping this week. So if you go refresh your computer or your phone at dadawesome.org. I want to invite you guys to check out the new website. There’s a chance that as you look it up, you’ll get the old website still because there’s a couple things we’re praying through to try a couple just new updates that have not quite finished. So we’re hoping it’s live by the time you listen to this. If you check out the website though, and you could and you’re willing, reach to me with an email, a text, an Instagram message, jeff@dadawesome.org, is my email. I would love to invite you guys, send me an email, tell me that you checked out the new website. Send me something that you’re like, Man, this was helpful or man, I found this and it was helpful. I would love to hear from you. What do you think? And then also, if there’s anything you’re like, This was confusing, send me that side as well. You can just take 3 to 5 minutes, click around, check it out and reach to me. Also include your address. I’m going to I’m going to mail you a thank you for for sending me an email. So at least the first, the first 20 of you reach to me. So if you can reach to me through text, through Facebook, through Instagram, through email, whatever, with just a little bit of this is what I found on the new website and include your mailing address. I can’t wait to send 20 of you a little thank you gift in the mail. So guys, thanks for listening this week. Welcome to the first half of this great campfire conversation with Dago, Joe and Tyler. So Michelle had this idea three or four years ago. She’s seen me interview people through the Zoom line and she’s like, Why don’t you get guys around a campfire? She’s like you’re gonna get way more like helpful, practical ideas. And my wife, she does often say that she’s like, That conversation was great, makes you more passionate, but is there anything practical there? And so she’s she doesn’t hold back with sharing her thoughts of DadAwesome. And I so what I told her, I’ve got Dago, Joe and Tyler available tonight to sit around the campfire. She was, like, pumped for this conversation to happen. So if nothing else, happy wife, happy life. My bride is pumped that I’m having this chat. And this is, I mean, you guys know this. I’ve been in the RV for 430 something…
Joe Ostrem: [00:04:45] Years.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:04:45] Nights.
Joe Ostrem: [00:04:46] Well, nights.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:04:47] A lot of time, a lot of time traveling. And this is more rare in this chapter. You know, we’ve been friends for a long time. The chapter of of being here in Minnesota. Like, I value this and make a priority having these kind of conversations, but it’s just more it’s less of it in this last two years. So I want to thank you guys in advance for this conversation.
Joe Ostrem: [00:05:06] Yeah.
Dago Darezzo: [00:05:07] Yeah.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:05:07] And by form of introduction, I’ve got I already mentioned Joe, Dago and Tyler, but it’d be fun to just kind of go around. And since this is your house, Tyler, just a little introduction of a fly over who you are, age of your kids, how long you’ve been married.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:05:20] Yeah.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:05:21] And maybe just a couple other things about you and your family.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:05:23] Yeah, for sure. So we’re here in Champlin, Minnesota. Shelly and I’ve been married 12 years. We have four kids. We have a ten year old daughter, twin seven year old daughters and a four year old boy. We are, we’re an active family. We literally just came from roller skating like 30 minutes/hour ago or something like that. So we love and and it’s Minnesota summer. I mean, you just get everything you possibly can. I think that’s if most people looked at us it’s kind of quintessential like Minnesota summer family. That’s that’s what we do. It’s sports, lakes, balls, bonfires, like all all kinds of stuff.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:03] Thanks for having us over tonight. Dago, go ahead, brother.
Dago Darezzo: [00:06:07] Yeah. So, Bruna and I we’ve been together 15 years, almost 15 years. We have two kids, two boys, six and four, Oliver and Henry. And we just yeah, we’re we’re from Brazil, originally. Moved to the US 16 years ago. So it’s been a…
Joe Ostrem: [00:06:26] Just became citizens.
Dago Darezzo: [00:06:27] Became citizen, yep, a month ago. So it’s a big deal. Um, yeah, We’re happy to be here. And, um just love love Minnesota summer being outside, taking the kids to parks and yeah very active.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:41] Very cool. We met at the science museum.
Dago Darezzo: [00:06:43] That’s right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:43] With one kid.
Dago Darezzo: [00:06:44] At a time. Little, one little.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:45] I mean, I think maybe I had two of my kids, you had just one at the time.
Dago Darezzo: [00:06:49] That’s right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:49] That was many years ago. Crazy.
Dago Darezzo: [00:06:51] What a journey.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:06:52] Go ahead, Joe.
Joe Ostrem: [00:06:53] That’s awesome. Yeah. I’m Joe and my wife Joni and I have been married for 11 years. We grew up together, so we knew each other basically since before we were born. And we have four children, four girls, eight, six, four and two. So we’re just kind of transitioning into the one of us has to stay home with the baby while the other has fun during the summer. This summer’s been the first one where we’re all going out and bike riding or we’re all going to Valley Fair and we’re all going and doing something fun. So we’re kind of transitioning into that stage of life. And both Joni and I are really loving that.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:07:30] So fun. And we got to have some fun as families at family camp this summer together. Which shout out Lake Geneva Christian Center.
Joe Ostrem: [00:07:39] Oh, yeah, it’s so fun. I’ve been going there for like 30 years, so.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:07:43] It’s my third year.
Joe Ostrem: [00:07:44] Yeah, it’s, it’s a great place to find the Lord in a spot that’s pretty beautiful. And you get to do all the summer fun things there with your family. So grow as a family, grow with the Lord. It’s awesome.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:07:57] It’s great.
Dago Darezzo: [00:07:57] I remember, first volunteer thing with, with the church was, Ruby came in, I was nervous, like a surge of infants and then Joe comes with Ruby and yeah so I’ve seen her. So, that’s awesome.
Joe Ostrem: [00:08:12] Yeah. My kids just like…
Dago Darezzo: [00:08:13] This was like, how old? What? She’s six now.
Joe Ostrem: [00:08:16] Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, yeah.
Dago Darezzo: [00:08:17] It’s five and a half years ago.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:08:19] That’s the best is what is around the circle right now around this campfire, we, we know each other and each other’s families. This is not three random dudes. You guys are brothers. And that’s why I asked you to kind of, I think that’ll make this conversation the way we can kind of learn from one another and then be like, Oh, I saw this in you as well. So there’ll be some of that in the conversation. And, and I thought we’d maybe start here is, will start on the side of like hey what’s, what’s been tough? Like sometimes it’s easy to say, hey, here’s the, man, these are the things I’m learning, This is how I’m growing, this is going well. Well, let’s go that side, because I think many of the guys listening, what’s been tough is helpful because we can all see, oh, there’s there’s hope here. But this is the valley we’re currently in and it really any of you guys can start. So what has been like man this was, man that was a huge swan. Huge swan.
Joe Ostrem: [00:09:08] That was crazy. I hope you picked that up.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:09] Oh, it definitely picked it up. The advantage of the campfire is the loud trumpeter swan.
Joe Ostrem: [00:09:15] Yeah.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:09:15] Right over head.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:16] Soaring over. Kind of scared me.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:09:19] That’s what’s been hard. Just trumpeter swans, all day long. [00:09:21][2.3]
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:21] That is the dad life, isn’t it? I mean a little bit of like you kind of go in this direction and someone screeches.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:09:26] Yep.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:09:27] Geez, that’s real. Yeah. Any first stories around the man, this has been a harder part of dad life?
Joe Ostrem: [00:09:33] I mean, I would say just because I have four girls. You go at it, one as a dad, like you didn’t grow up hanging out with girls, trying to figure out what it’s like to interact with girls in that stage. It’s kind of tough. And then you assume because one of them likes this, they all like the same thing because they’re all girls. But each one’s very different. And then trying to figure out which one is filled up, doing a specific thing. And if that works with others, great. But most likely it doesn’t because they’re all individuals. And just trying to change that mindset of I’m a dad to girls, but I’m actually a dad for unique individuals that I need to parent differently depending on their personality, depending on what God’s put in them. And I mean, that’s a big challenge for me because it’s a lot of work.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:10:30] Yeah. How have, do you find that there’s like seasons where it feels like, Oh, it’s I’m more able to pursue and connect with and figure out them individually? And then there’s other, life gets busy and like man or do you find that there’s, hey, one or two of your kids are just like more naturally are able to connect with? How’s that, how’s that going right now?
Joe Ostrem: [00:10:47] Yeah, with the ages being slightly different, it’s easier for me to get down on the floor and play with like the two and the four year old and just kind of play imagination. Do all that. I will say the personalities of my kids, there are a couple of them that have similar personalities to me, so those are easier for me to connect with because they’re like, as my wife would say, they’re like miniature clones of me, which is kind of fun, but also slightly scary, right?
Tyler Van Eps: [00:11:13] I know how your brain works.
Joe Ostrem: [00:11:14] Yeah, exactly. And so, like, you know what’s going to make them tick. You know what’s what they’re going to think is just so much fun. And then there are some that, that personality is even more accentuated than what I would even say is like a good limit. So it’s like trying to parent that in a way that isn’t squashing the personality, but helping them kind of direct that energy in a way that’s helpful, in a way that they can utilize that for whatever the gifts are that they are going to have as an adult.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:11:48] Yeah, that’s good. What else, guys?
Dago Darezzo: [00:11:53] I think, I mean as I think what’s been hard is just staying true to our family values. And we actually had to write that down, so we we get intentional. What do we say no to? And so saying no, it’s been hard because not a cultural thing for us to. We like seeing yes or even when we want to say no, we see yes and don’t do it. So for us, you know, making a transition has been hard. Yeah, staying staying true to our values and not comparing. Like comparing to what someone else is doing, how they’re parenting. So I think those are things that we’ve been working through as parents.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:12:32] We’re going to come back to talking about family values, yeah, a little later. But that’s that’s you have them, but it’s been hard, you’re saying, to stay true to them with your yes and your no.
Dago Darezzo: [00:12:41] Right. Right. Yeah. So it’s revisiting, right. Constantly revisiting and being super intentional about about those values. Yeah.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:12:49] Anything top of mind?
Tyler Van Eps: [00:12:50] Man for me, it’s, it’s being able to suspend or at times shut off just like the task mentality. I think with four kids and especially when we went through the season with the twins, like having twins was just such a wild experience that felt like we didn’t sleep for like 18 months. It was just like, you know, just everything was double double the diapers, double the bottles, double the everything. And I actually feel like it was kind of hard for me to shut that off even once they hit like three or four years old. And so for me, the I think that connection piece that you said, especially with our girls like that was a different, that was a different pace for me. And not being a generally patient person is just slowing myself down and and choosing connection over completion of tasks. Especially with house dishes, shoes, clothes, whatever, schoolwork and stuff like that is just staying, staying present to connection. That’s, that’s a challenge for me.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:13:51] Anything else come to mind as the other guys were talking?
Joe Ostrem: [00:13:54] I would say like that shifting of mindset from task oriented because I agree with you, Tyler. I am like, I played with my kids check, like, but did I actually take them steps closer to Jesus? I don’t know. Like, that’s, that’s for me And I in a weird way, want to have a task check mark each night that I could say they did take a step closer to Jesus, but I don’t know what that looks like. So trying to find clarity in my brain, like, analytically, like, did I do a good job? Can I measure this in a way or not? But I also don’t want to be a robot and be like, I’m doing this task. It’s done. We’ve connected, hurray, successful day. You know, you want to, you want to feel like you are being a good dad and drawing them closer to God, at least trying to foster that relationship that they have with, you know, with you and with Jesus. But I don’t know what that necessarily looks like in the day to day. You know, and how to measure that without subjectively giving myself a pat on the back and be like, you did a good job. However, I will say Dago, whenever you and Tyler are in Kids with my two olders, they’ll come home and they’ll say things like a random Bible verse or they’ll, you know, say things, I’m like, You did not learn that here, yet. You learned that in church. And both of you guys are part of that. So, like, I appreciate the community that we have our kids in because I don’t necessarily have to shoulder all of the load.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:15:37] Yeah.
Joe Ostrem: [00:15:38] I do have to be the one that’s doing most of the, you know, prayer, fasting for my kids and all that. But like, there’s still going to be some community there for my kids to be poured into by other quality families, other quality mentors, or even for me, it’s also putting my kids in positions to have quality friends because where I grew up, my friend group kept me from doing a lot of stupid stuff.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:16:03] Yeah.
Joe Ostrem: [00:16:03] And it was more or less because they wouldn’t do that, I didn’t do that. And so I want my kids to be in that type of environment too, because there’s going to be a point where that transition of Dad, you’re the greatest to Dad, I’m going to go hang out with my friends instead. And I’m not necessarily ready for that, but I’d be okay having them hang out with your kids because they’re all like, Oh, yeah, Tyler’s kids, Dago’s kids, yeah, totally. Like, I trust that relationship and I trust what you guys are doing in your families to point your kids to God. So like I would say, that’s a fun transition that’s going to be happening in the near future. I’m not ready for it at this point. But, you know, setting the stage for that to try and get them set up.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:16:52] Yeah. Let’s go a little further into this because, well, one thing you just said, having two buddies, close friends who serve as volunteers in the kids ministry of the church that you attend, that’s a pretty special thing. Because you’re not only like, do you respect these guys and their parenting, but like on a pretty weekly basis, like they’re able to like you’re like, Oh, these are my buddies who are pouring into my my little girls. So, I mean, that’s just a tangible like most of us guys listening could choose to side up and serve in kid’s ministry, very few of the guys listening do. And I found, I found great like joy indeed in those roles. It’s just, it’s less common. It’s less common. So you mentioned that. The second thing that though I want to kind of go a little further into, man, it would be fun if I could quantify and have a check mark but I don’t want to be a dad who has a checkmark, who says I discipled, I didn’t disciple. But I think we can tell looking back on a day or a week, we can at least celebrate, oh, that was a moment when I hey, we chose to get some bread and grape juice and do communion with our kids or hey, like that was a moment you celebrated that other people discipled. My kids are saying Bible verses, celebrates others investing in your kids. Do you guys have other ideas on how to not go overly like a Pharisee or religious like, like, I’ve got to do this and we have to do Devos this many times, but yet still gamify the experience to some degree so you can know, am I winning? Are we going in the right direction as a family? Are we not? I’d just love to hear some ideas on how to do, how to make sure we’re going in the right direction when it comes to lead our kids towards Jesus.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:18:29] Yeah, one thing we’re we’re just heading into this season where we want to start as we go back to school and in the fall, we want to kind of take some time to re-articulate our family values. And Shelly and I have gone through processes where we we identify our values, we define them kind of in our own words, and then we really look at what behaviors support those. And we frame them as I will or I will not statements. And so we’re just talking about enthusiasm today. Enthusiasms like our our family word and Shelly created the best definition ever. It was joy expressed faithfully or something like that. But it was, it was a really cool definition and we started saying, how do how do we know that we’re achieving that? Like if we’re leaning into that value, what is it? And for me, one of them’s like, I will I will speak encouragement and energy to those around me. And that’s, that’s one of, I think within my sphere of influence with the family, that’s one of my hardest areas because I think it’s the place that I tend to be like most coach and critic in terms of with my kids, like, don’t do that, do this and stuff. And so just visualizing what it looks like to anoint or pour enthusiasm over my kids and I can probably recognize the fruit of that most in the things they’re saying to each other and the words that I hear them saying to each other. And so that, that’s been one way that I’ve been starting to try and measure it. And it’s it’s a it’s a little bit more a little bit more qualitative, but just the words that they say I know is is mimicking and reflecting what I’m saying.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:09] Yeah, but that framework, so you have a value, then you have a… What was a second layer before the I will?
Tyler Van Eps: [00:20:14] Definition.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:15] Define it and then you say, well that means I will do this. So you will speak encouragement and energy, super specific. Can you guys think of how would we take the value of leading our kids towards Jesus, add a definition? Like what kind of I will statements? I think anything, so don’t worry about if you’re like, well, I will pray at dinner. It’s, there’s no dumb answers like I’d love to hear just like spit out some I will statements that might lead to leading our kids to Jesus.
Dago Darezzo: [00:20:47] I mean what comes to mind, I’ll lead by example. By serving and being a church and being community every week. That’s something completely gets me out of it.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:20:57] Yeah.
Dago Darezzo: [00:20:58] I will pray every night with my kids.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:21:02] Yeah.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:21:03] That’s good. I’ve noticed that, I know that I’m winning or I know that I’m being successful when my kids are asking me questions out of curiosity about different things I’m doing with my faith. Like, Dad, why are you taking 15 guys in the woods to chop down a tree and talk, talk about Gideon? Like, why? Like, why are you doing this? Why are you, why are you wrestling in, you know, dislocating your shoulder and stuff like that and Bible study? And when they’re asking me questions about the way that I’m living out my faith, that I know, I know that’s a part of being being successful.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:21:03] That’sDago Darezzo: [00:21:38] Yep. One thing that we started doing is taking notes or taking inventory of everything they share. So we have a share notes, simple notes in our phone, Bruna and I. So if they say something funny, stupid, we take note. If they see something that’s very aligned to our values, we take note. If they see something that’s getting closer to to our faith journey or getting closer to Jesus, we take note. Just so we have that inventory and we can go back. And we had something very special three weeks ago or two weeks ago. My parents were here for 12 days and first Sunday, they didn’t want to go to church. They don’t, you know, my mom doesn’t understand this, the message that’s going on. So they decided to go in on a walk for seven days. Our kids asked them, why didn’t they join us? For seven days. And then Saturday before we went to to church, so Oliver asked, hey, Grandma, can you go with me to church?
Tyler Van Eps: [00:22:27] Oh my gosh.
Dago Darezzo: [00:22:28] And they, they like, yes, we will. We’ll be there. They don’t understand or not.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:22:34] Can’t say no to the grandkids.
Dago Darezzo: [00:22:35] But it’s, what was special for is like they’re asking like they’re we didn’t tell them to ask. We didn’t, no, it was just they wanted grandpa and grandma to join in our habit of being in church every Sunday.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:22:50] So what’s upstream? Upstream from that was you saying I will to been faithfully at church, serving joyfully, not grumbling your way to church because Christians are supposed to. Like that’s been soaked in your kids.
Dago Darezzo: [00:23:03] Right.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:23:04] That’s the upstream. Those I wills. I love that. And that note concept because my my wife will say she’s like, I just feel like in this season we have not been discipling our kids. Like, she’ll say statements like that. And I, as like the dad, I’m like like I’d start reeling of like, is that true? Is that true or is that a lie the enemy is whispering in this moment to bring discouragement into our marriage? And it actually, it actually might be a season that. No, I can I could step that up some initiative in those I wills but it also if I had the notes it could remind both of us we both could like, oh, we’re we have evidence of God like moving in in our in our for little girls. So I think that’s a really tangible idea. What other I will statements might lead to the ongoing, kids knowing that we’re pursuing Jesus?
Joe Ostrem: [00:23:59] Yeah. I mean for me, I can think of an example of kind of what you were bringing up, Dago, just like what does it mean to live with integrity? And like my kids, will they, will they see that or what kind of things would they take note of? And just an example was, you know, I was at the grocery store with my girls by myself, you know, so it’s it’s a lot, right. They’re younger and it’s a lot. And I get to the car and I realize they didn’t ring up this item right. And I’m like, I got to walk all the way back inside. It’s like a it’s like two bucks, right. But I’m like, Girls, I’m sorry, we got to go back in. And they asked me, why Dad? And I said, Because Daddy doesn’t want to take money from the store because they charge me something wrong for this item. And, you know, I explain that to them. We all go back inside, again, the whole crew, without my wife. So it’s like, this is not, this is not fun for me to do this. But I go and talk with the person and in the end, like they they appreciated it. I don’t even remember what the final outcome was, but my girls seeing the fact that, like, I’m going to do something hard, even if it’s like integrity wise, some people would let that slide. And it’s like, okay, God, I don’t want to let something insignificant, to a lot of people, slide, even if my kids aren’t watching, you know what I mean? Because I want them to be able to see that you are living with integrity to whatever the standard is. That as best as I can without being, you know, religious about it. But like, I want to honor the Lord with that, and I’d rather do that than not do that.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:25:49] It’s a great example. Tyler, you mentioned chopping down a tree in the woods with 15 or 20 dudes and something that the four of us have shared, is that experience that you created. You dreamed up an experience of called Man Maker that you’re on like month three or four or something like that. I think it would just be fun, and maybe you guys go first, so Joe and Dago, you go first. Just explain what’s happened the last few months and how it’s affected, impacted you and some of the other guys. Let’s start with you guys and we’ll let you fill in the gaps, what they missed.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:26:28] I’m excited to hear this to.
Joe Ostrem: [00:26:30] I make the joke with my wife all the time, You know, going to family camp, going to all these like events. The women are like, you’re loved by the Lord. You’re so great. Keep doing your thing. You’re blessed, You’re amazing. You go to a men’s retreat, They’re like, You suck, get better. And you’re like you got to go after the Lord, better. Be a man. And it’s like, Yeah, shove you down. It’s like, Oh, you know what? Maybe, you know, there is some of that and I feel like Tyler’s thing is like this really nice, happy medium. It’s like, we’re going to do stuff, it’s not going to be easy, like that’s a man thing. But it’s also like, Dude, we’re all going to do this together. And it’s not like you’re doing terrible job, Get better, you know what I mean? Which I appreciate. And I also, I appreciate how women interact and how men interact like we get around something like a fire, sweet. Women are like, We’ll just talk. We don’t need anything else, you know. And it’s like you have to do something and so Tyler adding a physical element to each of these different things before you get deeper with guys you don’t maybe necessarily know that much or guys that you do know a little bit better. It’s it’s helpful to kind of break that wall down for guys. But yeah, I, I have appreciated, especially this last one, because the task that we were told to do was call a guy and talk and pray for that person for 5 minutes for two weeks. Like every day, pray, talk for 5 minutes about whatever that day is and check in with them. And I’ve been checking in with with Ryan Olson. And he’s a guy, you know, I interacted with quite a bit, I’d say, yeah, we were friends. But getting a call from him or me calling him every day has been pretty cool. And you get that kind of deeper connection with somebody, even though it’s a small window of time each day, that’s been really beneficial for accountability for, you know, just having that that friend, I guess you could say. And I know going to college, for me, was where I built some of the strongest friendships in my life. But we all went separate ways. And so trying to find that type of connection with guys again can be really difficult when you’re in the season of parenthood. You got kids, everybody’s busy and you really don’t have the bandwidth for that. And I feel like, Tyler, you’ve started something that would make it easier to cultivate those types of friendships that you know are pretty deep if you let it happen. So, so thank you for doing that. Like it’s, I know it’s probably a lot of work.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:12] Dago, what would you add?
Dago Darezzo: [00:29:14] I will start with I will statement, though, because one of the I will statements, I will hang out with people who inspire me and you know, are leading in a way that I want to lead. And one of the things that I want to do is, you know, lead better in the community. And I think that’s what Tyler does very well.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:29:27] Yes.
Dago Darezzo: [00:29:28] And I think, you know, as men, we we believe we don’t need man friendship. We believe we’re too tough for that. Or we don’t need to go deeper. We don’t need to be vulnerable. We don’t need to be authentic. We don’t need to to share struggles because that will make us less of a man. And I think it wasn’t until a few years ago that I started getting more into this community and having, having the consistency of connecting, the consistency of sharing and listening and getting deeper and intentional and that started transforming my life. My parenting, my marriage, my, you name it and my, you know, physical health, mental health, everything. And I think this is circling back to the Man Maker. This is, I believe, what Tyler is doing, I feel this is the beginning of something big.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:30:23] Yeah.
Dago Darezzo: [00:30:23] And it’s just those very intense moments to get people to the consistency, right. I think this is, how can I put it, like something very intense that you, make you feel like a man because you’re doing something hard, physically and then you’re going to connect emotionally and have someone encourage you. And that may be just what you need or to jumpstart for consistency connecting. I think that’s where the secret is. Yeah, I think this is genius and I really appreciate Tyler’s is just doing this and bringing many people on board, right. We see how many people are coming to this and yeah, it’s fantastic.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:31:01] And it’s like it’s like you’re building trust with guys that you don’t know. That vulnerability is easier to then let show, because like you’re doing a project together and, you know, at least me, I’m very wired to do like things. And if I’m doing a project like fixing a car or doing something like that, that’s one of my favorite love languages to have, like a hang out connection, possibly even a serve, right. And you’re bringing that to a bunch of guys that, you know, the community and we’re all there. And again, you’re growing deeper with each other and growing towards the Lord, which is awesome.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:31:42] So the three of us have all said already that we love what you’ve created. But we haven’t, none of us have done like the elevator pitch of this is what it is. So help us understand why did you start it? What is it? And then and then we’re going to move on to other topics. But I want to, I want to at least inspire the guys listening with like any, guys, we can create things that make our hearts like like, oh, and actually ripple into other brotherhood and lives impacted.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:32:06] Yeah. I think it comes, I’ll tell you where it comes from, first. And I think, you know, Dago, you kind of hit on it. Joe, Joe, you definitely hit on it too, is like I’ve just had seasons in my life where I haven’t had brothers around me. And combination of busyness, combination of not pursuing that. But I, I see how quickly and I’ve even started to kind of quantify it 30, 60, 90 days, like if, if I go a certain amount of time without having vulnerability, intimacy, like covenants with other other men, like I see myself start to trend in a in a bad direction. And I’ve had seasons of my life that have been really dark with that. And even after this last 14 day prayer challenge with other guys, after three days of not having, not doing that, I’m like, Oh man, I missed that. I had cultivated a different appetite in myself. And so so for me, Man Maker is like this vision of within my sphere of influence, but the guys that I’m are kind of arm’s length, even, if I have a chance to pull 20, 30, 40, 60 guys, if I have a sphere of influence, I don’t want any of those guys to go more than 30 days without an invitation into brotherhood. Knowing that that could potentially be saving their marriages, knowing that that could potentially be launching them into new careers, launching them into new seasons of fatherhood. So that’s that’s kind of the, that’s my why behind it. What it actually is, is just like, you know, we talk about the the slippery slope into community. Like, I’m just, I want to be an instigator. I want to shove guys off the ledge instead of watching them, like, slowly slide. I’m just going to, like, kick them into the middle. Dago, like you said, just the intensity. I’m like, I’m I’m going to I’m going to I’m going to shake, I’m going to ruffle some feathers. I’m going to push guys in. And so that’s what we do. We get together, we have a manhood moment where we just observe a Godly character in the Bible. We ask really deep questions about that guy’s experience. What it would have been like for that guy, and what that means for for our life. We do something challenging, whether it’s Jiu-Jitsu or chopping down trees or whatever the next one is. And I think what you guys said, we we get guys just uncomfortable enough that we don’t even realize how awkward we are in vulnerability. So we get guys just distracted enough that we we forget we’re being vulnerable with each other and all of a sudden we’re, you know, we’re praying and interceding and sharing and stuff like that, and then walking away with just momentum challenges.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:34:54] So can you just use Gideon in the the chopping down idols, alters? Like as an example, just take us through that one to give one more layer of clarity.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:35:04] Yeah. I mean, for guys that haven’t experienced, I don’t want to give it away too much. But yeah, so we got together, we looked at Gideon. Ultimately, the questions that we asked about Gideon’s life is, you know, in what areas are we checking boxes? Where are we threshing wheat in a wine press? Where are we just checking boxes and not really being obedient to God? And then when Gideon tears down the altar to Baal and cuts down the Asherah pole, what what structures in our life need to be torn down and what beliefs in our life need to be cut down? And then how do we use those same raw materials like Gideon does and rebuild those things in a way that’s pleasing and worship to the Lord? And so then we broke up into into groups, kind of discuss those questions, share, and all we’re taking an axe to, to a tree. And so we had to 24 inches in circumference and eight feet long. I had to do a lot of a lot of research to see how heavy, how heavy certain densities of of wood would be. But then we carried that up and down hills while we were praying for those things and in each other’s lives.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:36:02] So a log, 8 foot section, of a log, 24 in circumference above their heads, running up and down a hill.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:36:09] Yep. Walking up and down a hill.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:36:11] Till their hands were bleeding.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:36:12] Pretty much. I don’t know how many bleeding hands. We had a few bleeding hands.
Joe Ostrem: [00:36:15] There were a lot of blisters.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:36:16] A lot of blisters.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:36:17] So, I mean, just to imagine when you share that story together, I was like, I’m in for the next one. I’m not, I don’t know if I if I can make all of them because we’re leaving town again in the RV but and then got to be a part of the next one. So I love the concept. I love the brotherhood. The challenge of daily phone call that you had this last time. So because there’s some guys listening, they’re not going to create from scratch a challenge. But you can find, so we’ve already shared a couple examples tonight. I, I think also the metric of saying in the last 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, When was the last time you went, went there? Went, went deeper in prayer with some brothers, went deeper in vulnerability, went there and actually had, how do you describe it, it’s a significant spiritual moment. Is that, is that how you say it?
Tyler Van Eps: [00:37:02] Yeah. A significant spiritual conversation. A vulnerable, spiritual conversation. And then, you know, not just saying I’ll be praying for that, but doing, doing it right there.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:37:12] Right there. Yeah, yeah, versus I’ll pray for you, see ya later. The, I’ve been doing the same kind of surveying over the last few years with DadAwesome meetups around the country, and I just found when I asked guys, when was the last time you were invited into a conversation like this? The answer is, is this is the first one around the topic of fatherhood. And and I my hypothesis is that the reason we don’t gather around this topic and we don’t want to start things and say, Hey, come sit at my campfire, let’s talk about how the dad life is going, is because most of us feel like it’s not going well. Most of us feel like, man, I didn’t have a great model in this. I’m struggling in my current phase. I’m overwhelmed and busy, so I’m not going to put myself out there and say I’ll lead the dad crew. Where the best thing that could happen is for me to step in, and by leading the dad group, I’m going to learn with the guys that I lead, right? But it’s very rare. It’s very rare. And I think what you’re giving is a model, it’s not these sit around a table with a cup of coffee and look each other in the eyes. Instead, let’s sweat, bleed and suffer together while going there. So you’re giving a more accessible, I think, than the other model.
Tyler Van Eps: [00:38:19] And we’re not, we’re not a bunch of like tough guys either. I think even for some of our stuff, it’s just even skill, like cutting, cutting down a tree is not physically overwhelming, but it takes some skill. And so I think that’s, that’s a little bit of the balance that we want to create too, is that it’s, you know, we’re doing things that make us uncomfortable. And I think that’s, that’s part of the dad journey is that there’s just so many seasons of uncomfortable and difficult. And it’s just, it’s owning responsibility and finding joy in that. And I think that’s the that’s kind of the the thing I want to condition myself is I want to create and cultivate an appetite in me that I’m just I’m hungry for whatever challenge there is. And I haven’t always, haven’t always been that way with my family specifically. I’ve felt that way about career or fitness goals or things like that. But I want to cultivate a hunger that I’m ready for the next challenge with my family.
Jeff Zaugg: [00:39:24] Thank you so much for joining us for this first half of my campfire conversation with Joe, Dago and Tyler. Guys, the second half is going to go a whole bunch deeper. And we actually go into some specific, practical, actionable like this is this is going to help you guys be DadAwesome for your families. And then a time of prayer over all the dads listening. So it’s something we’ve never done before, a little extended time of prayer, next week. So join us back for episode 292, next week. The show notes for today are at dadawesome.org/291. I referenced earlier to the new website, the new DadAwesome website. Remember if you send me an email or text or an Instagram message with just something you found helpful or something you found confusing on the new website along with your mailing address, send me your mailing address, I am going to drop in the mail a thank you gift, to you, for for the feedback. So guys, thanks for being DadAwesome. Thanks for listening. Thanks for growing. Thanks for pursuing the hearts of your kids. I’m praying for you guys. Have a great week.
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18:35 - "We want to take some time to re-articulate our family values. Shelly and I have gone through processes where we we identify our values, we define them in our own words, and then we really look at what behaviors support those. And we frame them as I will or I will not statements."
21:06 - "I know that I'm winning or I know that I'm being successful when my kids are asking me questions out of curiosity about different things I'm doing with my faith. When they're asking me questions about the way that I'm living out my faith, I know that's a part of being successful."
29:29 - "As men, we believe we don't need [male] friendship. We believe we're too tough for that. Or we don't need to go deeper. We don't need to be vulnerable. We don't need to be authentic. We don't need to share struggles because that will make us less of a man. It wasn't until a few years ago that I started getting more into this community and having the consistency of connecting, the consistency of sharing and listening and getting deeper and intentional and that started transforming my life. My parenting, my marriage, you name it. My physical health, mental health, everything."
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